Books That I've Been Reading From the TV

I will admit that I do not like to read books that have anything to do with my job.  I also do not like to watch television shows or movies about schools.  As far as I am concerned, I am off the clock, and I'll think about work when I am back.  I suppose it is the equivalent of a doctor reading a novel about doctors.  I don't imagine surgeons reading about other surgeon's surgeries as written by Michael Crichton.  One needs a break and I will not apologize for it. I read and enjoy my forays in to other worlds that are not school-related, and everyone is much happier for it.

So I like to read silly books, supernatural cooks, mystery books, and even books about The Gray Man, a mercenary who saves the world and gets paid very well to do so.  I first became aware of Mark Greaney when his novel became a movie on Netflix or Amazon, and then I found out there were a series of books. Heaven!  I love series, because then I get to spend extra time with the characters I love and hate.  I read the first book of a Game of Thrones and was so angry I actually threw the book down and did not pick it up again until my husband mentioned it.  I am also reading books from Department Q, which was a Netflix show that my husband and I watched all of the episodes in two days. When old folks are willing to sit for long periods of time and deal with stiff bones and popping joints, it must be a good show.  And if you enjoy mysteries with a comedic vibe, you will adore Carl, the main character.  

I've enjoyed all of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, by J.R. Ward.  The Anita Blake series has also been distracting, although I wish that she talked about guns less.  It's not the guns, its the pages and pages of guns and knives, etc., but the main character is admirable and I like her tough approach to her world, which involves raising the dead.  Charlaine Harris had had a few books that were interesting as ell, like the True Blood series.

So a good mix of fun and mystery to calm me down at the end of the day and let me have a little fun while I unwind.  There is nothing wrong with that.  When need to stop being Judgy McJudgerson when I comes to books, and just let others read what they want.  Let us be.  Banning books is stupid, and it makes the person who is told to pull the books look like a complete butt.  On the other hand, it feels good these days, to be a little subversice/ 

Things I Have Learned

A comfy couch makes it impossible to stay mad. 

Family is not just about blood.  It is about love. 

When you walk barefoot on the grass, a blade can get stuck in the bottom of your foot.  

Food can bridge many gaps, except a broken heart. 

Kittens are extremely food motivated.

Resistance to evil is never futile.  

Never stop fighting for what you believe is right.

Everyone needs someone to hold their hand, sometimes. 

Be in your own skin, not someone else's. It looks better on you.

There are poisonous caterpillars in the world, but they still become butterflies.

Squirrels are fast learners. 

We all arrive at our destination with the help of others.  

 

What are some things that you have learned?

 

I Kind Of Feel Gypped

I opened the box from Amazon and was overjoyed to find...bubble wrap!!!! Hooray!  I love bubble wrap.  I can spend a good twenty minutes just sitting there, poking each puffy circle, enjoying the sound of each pop. There's something satisfying about the entire exercise, almost akin to meditation for some people.

I don't even remember what else was in the box, I was so excited.  I put the box aside and curled up with the bubble wrap, listening to the the pleasant crinkle. Unfortunately, that's all I got to hear.  This was the "new fangled" bubble wrap.  The kind of new fangled bubble wrap that doesn't pop. 

I understand.  It's more important for the bubble wrap not to pop, as its job is to protect stuff that is being shipped all over the place.  Now it is reusable, which is good for the environment.  Meanwhile, it is not so important for the bubble wrap to entertain me for twenty minutes or so. 

I know that things change.  This may be an improvement.  I feel cheated, however, so I am going to mope a little.

Need Some Ideas For Mother's Day?

Mother's day is May 11th, and mothers everywhere will be expecting, well...something.  Some sign that they are appreciated, loved, adored, etc.  What mothers expect varies, from being allowed to sleep late to a day where the toilet seat is left down more than up.  Mothers aren't usually picky--as long as a gift is from the heart, we are going to love it.

But perhaps you've purchased flowers for the last few years, and you'd like to do something different.  Maybe you've done the 'breakfast in bed' routine too many times, and you're looking for a new and improved Mother's Day present.  I am here to help.  I cannot possibly be the only mom who wants these particular items.  They'd be welcome on any day, actually. 

1. A clean house.   Moms are perpetually cleaning the house, and I'm sorry to say that it gets irritating fast.  Nothing is more annoying for me than finishing the last load of laundry...and finding dirty socks on the floor under a chair.  Or filling up the dishwasher, starting it up...and locating a coffee cup upstairs.  Nothing is ever finished in the housework war.  We moms would love to have our house clean, with no hidden dirty items, for at least a day or two. 

2.  Alone time.  Moms never get a moment's peace.  Most days, we can't even go to the bathroom without being interrupted by a child pounding on the door.  While we love our children dearly, we moms need some alone time, a couple of hours to read, or watch our favorite movie, or even just to take a nap.

3.  A spa weekend.  Spa weekends are all about pampering.  Massages, facials, thick soft robes, quiet...what's not to love?  Spas tend to be in out of the way places, like the mountains, where the air is clear and crisp and not filled with the smell of boy sweat and stale Cheerios.  Spas are for resting and regenerating, before returning to those daily battles with the world.  We need that sometimes.  

4. A mani/pedi.  If a spa weekend is out of the realm of financial possibility, I understand completely.  We are all living paycheck to paycheck these days, unless we are in the 1%, and that means things like food are a priority, and trips to fancy spas are out.  Still, moms need a little pampering now and then, and a mani/pedi is just the ticket.  Most of us will settle for a foot massage.

5. Homecooking.  Moms occasionally want some time off from cooking, just like anyone else.  Having someone else put dinner on the table would be a pleasant surprise.  Spaghetti is a relatively easy meal that kids can whip up with some adult supervision, for instance.  Greet mom at the door with a glass of her favorite red wine, and let her put her feet up until supper is ready.


So.  I have just given you five ideas for a Mother's Day treat that will be very appreciated, and not all of them cost an arm and a leg.  Pick two or three, and your mom will be happy.  When Mom is happy, the entire family is happy, is what I always say. 

Any other ideas to add?

So...

Meetings are boring.

No matter how interesting the topic, if you get a bunch of people together in any room for longer than ten minutes, the mind wanders. It can't help it, no matter how much it tries.

Especially if you put fancy toys out and spring for centerpieces.

Happy Groundhog Day!

Zane drew a picture of the events of this morning, because I slept late and missed it. Enjoy!

A Wine Time

There's a liquor store around these parts that has wine tastings during the first Wednesday of the month. My group of friends decided to check out this event, to ascertain its merits.  Some of us even dressed up for the occasion.  I just changed into jeans at work and showed up ready for fun.  My sister-in-law even came along, but she wouldn't let me take her picture. 

The Merrymakers!

I'd never been to a wine tasting at a store, which is another sign that I need to get out more.  This particular place had set up 9 barrels, offering at least two wines at each barrel.  At the entrance to the store, there was a checklist showing each label and the wine offered.  As you went to each barrel, the hostess would speak about the vineyard and the particular wine, offering suggestions about various foods to pair it with. Then they would pour a tiny cupful of wine and hand it to you to taste, which was to be the entire purpose of our activity. We dutifully swirled the wine around our palates like pros, and made the appropriate comments on our checklist.

Wine tasting doesn't have to involve drinking it, of course.  Many people just get a sip in their mouths, swirl it around, and then spit it out.  This is a waste of good alcohol, as far as I'm concerned. I suppose if a person were going to taste more than 30 wines, and didn't want to pass out in the middle of the task, then spitting might be appropriate.  But still...If it's in your mouth, swallow it! Even if it is the worst thing you've ever experienced, it's only a momentary thing, gone before you know it.  Like childbirth. (Yes, I'm kidding. Nobody leave a long-winded rant about the perils of childbirth, please.)

But I digress. Remember that scene in Finding Nemo, where all the seagulls are gathered around Nemo and Dory, waiting to eat them?  That is what happens when free food or alcohol is offered in these parts.  A little crowd had gathered around us before the tasting began.  Some women had even brought their own wine glass!   Once it was time to start sampling, my homegirls(oh yes, I went there) and I went to the last barrel to begin our tasting, instead of lining up at the first barrel like everyone else. Because we're contrary, the entire lot of us.  Plus, we were smart enough to figure out that we could be first in line at the last barrel.  

The trend in wine these days is to slap a pithy name on the label with a clever graphic design.  I wasn't as impressed by this label as much as others were, mostly because the word "poison" was spelled incorrectly. It's a sickness, this need to correct everyone else's spelling.  I thought that I would have grown out of that by now, but not so much.  I am getting better at not loudly pointing it out, though.  I don't even carry a red pen around with me anymore. Yay me. 

Did I mention that there was also food?  This lovely lady offered us homemade chili and peach cheesecake, along with a variety of salsas and chips. I am always happy to see small businesses reaping some benefits from these big bargain stores.  There was another person with chips and salsa on the other side of the store, but the large mass of people congregated around this lovely woman told me that she was the crowd pleaser.  The chili did not disappoint, and I bought two jars of her salsa to show my support.

Our adventure in wine tasting lasted a little less than an hour, unfortunately.  We are all speed-wine drinkers!  We even managed to shop while we were in there, which was the whole point of a liquor store holding a wine tasting.  We were  still in the mood for fun, however, and it was barely dark.  Luckily, there was a restaurant within walking distance.  Away we went, for drinks and food and conversation. The conversation was the best part, although I really can't remember very much of it.  I was too busy having fun, I guess. 

The Ten Best Things About Being A Kid

Being a kid is wonderful. Oh, there's some things about being a kid that aren't great, like curfews and tuna casserole, but there's so very much to love about childhood.  It's taken on a mythical status in my mind, since for me, childhood was long ago and far away, but I'm reliving some parts as I watch my son grow.  Kids have some things that adults don't get to keep.


1. You get to be invisible.  Adults tend to forget that kids are in the vicinity, especially if they think that the kids are not paying attention to them.  Newsflash:  Kids are always paying attention!  Kids hear everything, and kids tend to remember what they hear.  The perfect spies! The NSA doesn't need to secretly monitor emails and online usage.  All they need is a pack of five year olds and a translator.

2. Everything is brand new.  For adults, there's nothing new under the sun.  We've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.  There's a tendency to become jaded about the world, just from overexposure. For a kid, however, everything is brand-spanking new in their world, and they look at everything with a wonder and excitement that I envy.  The closest that I come is that hour before the newest episode of Game of Thrones airs.

3. Kids still believe.  There's an innocence about childhood.  Children still believe in people, still believe that people are good.  I sometimes wish I still had that belief,  but I know what is out there. However, I will move heaven and earth to see that my son believes as long as possible.

4. The world is a magical place.  Santa is real.  The tooth fairy really does visit to exchange a tooth for a coin.  Pixies live in the cow pastures, and fireflies carry wishes to heaven. Anything is possible to a child, and miracles are just a fact.  Of course, reality intrudes, and the dreams die hard, but while it lasts, the world is a little more wondrous.

5. It's a free ride.  Kids don't worry about whether the rent's paid.  They don't worry about the car being reposessed, or whether there's money in the bank. They know that Mom and Dad will be there to make sure that they get fed and are clothed and warm, even on a shoestring budget.  No matter what, someone will take care of them. I am an adult, and I still occasionally wish that someone would take care of me!

6. The imagination is on full blast.  Kids imagine all sorts of worlds, stretching over and under this one.  One word, one sound, and off their minds go, a journey of a thousand miles in an instant.  Sit a kid in a room with a box and a pencil and they're perfectly happy, because their imaginations provide the entertainment. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could keep that spur of the moment imagination?  It would be perfect for last minute blog posts!

7. No fear  My son would climb the tallest piece of furniture in a place and leap off...just because.  He'd probably love skydiving, which he would do by himself, because his mother is terrified of heights.  Kids aren't the least bit afraid to take a risk or to leap into the unknown.  Sometimes I yearn for that fearless time.

8. Everybody is a friend.  My son is a goodwill ambassador.  He has no problem approaching people and talking to them or asking them questions.  He doesn't care if the person he's talking to doesn't have legs because they stepped on an IED.  Kids don't care if the person can't see, or hear, or has autism, or any other thing that might give adults pause.  They learn that from their parents.

9. Kids get over things fast.  Kids cry. They pout. They glare. Then they get over it, usually after a brief nap.  Kids don't ever seem to hold grudges, and today's fight over the sandbox disappears when they close their eyes.  That resilience is enviable; it's impossible for me to remember that I was ever able to let go and move on so easily.   

10. No matter what, Mama loves you.  That's right.  Kids aren't always on their best behavior, they don't always say the right thing, they can be little terrorists.  But at the end of the day, their Mamas tuck them into bed and kiss them good night, and all is right with the world.  That is how it should be, and Lord willing, one day it will be so for all children.


Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.  May a little of the magic of childhood be yours!

10 best things about being a kid.

The Female Revolt of 1812

The Decemberist Revolt took place during the month of December in 19th century Russia when 3,000 soldiers protested Nicholas I's assumption of the throne on the first day of his reign.  He quickly squashed the revolt, but it impacted his regime as he went on to rule with an iron fist.

For the weekend challenge, we're asking you to write exactly 33 words about rebellion and/or revolt.  Interpret it as you will, just keep it to 33 words.
 


He had intended to march proudly for the rebellion.

Unfortunately, Oliver was killed by the violent shrapnel that flew as thousands of well-fed women simultaneously snipped the suffocating metal stays on their corsets.

Role Reversal

Write On Edge Prompt:   This week we asked you to use this photograph(a red-tinged picture of someone kneeling on the floor) to inspire your post, in whichever direction your mind should wander. 



Blindfolded, my hands bound behind my back, I struggled to kneel as I had been instructed.  I knew that I would be whipped if I moved too slowly, so I took my time.  There's something freeing within the swats and stings of a good whipping.  Anticipation of a blow can be joyous, the swishing sound of the whip sailing through the air intoxicating, even before the leather meets the flesh. I enjoyed such pleasures immensely, and was quivering in delight even before the punishment began. A warmth flowered underneath my skin with each blow, until my entire body was tingling. I could hear the harsh breathing of my partner, and knew that he was tiring from his exertions.  Suddenly, the whip hit the floor.  Ashton pulled the blindfold from my eyes and untied my hands, and I blinked in the light. 

"That's it?" I was incredulous. "You call that dominating?"

"I'm tired," Ashton pouted.  "And besides, that's not what you are here for. I just wanted to see what all the fuss is about."

I sighed, climbing to my feet, and pulling on a robe.  "You're right."

"Of course I am right.  Now pick up that whip and tan my hide!"

I did as he asked, and picked up the whip, gazing at it critically. I shook my head. This was Ashton's house call, he provided the toys and his session was rapidly coming to an end.  He knelt, naked, in front of me, waiting, his hands behind his back, his head down.   I smiled at the boyish brown curls on the back of his head.  I lightly cracked the whip, and the sound made him jump. 

"You want this, don't you, Ashton?" I asked him, my voice low. I took the handle of the whip and slowly slid it along his jawline.  "You want me to take this whip and beat you until you can't stand up on your own, don't you? You've been naughty, trying to take charge. You love it when this whip leaves red marks all over your flesh and you can't even sit down because your dimpled buttocks are so sore and bruised.  You like when I raise welts on your backside that need to be iced before you can sleep.  You love when I do these things to you, and you want me to do them again, don't you?"

A moan escaped from Ashton as he knelt before me, waiting.  I laughed.  I  turned and walked toward the door.  I placed my hand on the knob and looked back at Ashton, smiling.   "After you clean up the kitchen. And remember that I like to eat dinner at five sharp"

Death Takes Time Off

All Death wanted was a vacation.

He just knew that some time off would do him a world of good-- that is what the last doctor he visited told him.  Vacations are great for the health, the doctor said, before falling to the floor. Death would have liked to have asked him more about the health benefits, but the doctor had already shaken off his mortal coil.  Death realized that his doctor was right. He needed a break.

Death was plain stressed out.  He was tired of the fear that always accompanied his arrival, tired of the whining, the bargaining, the denial. Death just wanted someone to smile at him. He wanted to be invited in for tea.  Death felt that he deserved this; his arrival at a bedside was not always to remove the soul from the body, after all.  It was not his fault that Regulation 7842 dictated that he had to carry the Scythe, the manifestation of his Office, on his person at all times.

The perky travel agent was more than happy to discuss vacation destinations, and before she passed on, she handed Death a brochure for an all-inclusive resort in the Azores.  The pictures looked divine, the turquoise water sparklingly clear.  It would be a crime to ignore such a place.  Except that the cab driver died the moment Death entered the car, and the ticket agent collapsed before she could tell him which gate he needed to board, and the TSA people weren't even able to conduct their required search.   He barely made his flight before it crashed.

Perhaps a cruise would be less stress?  He boarded a ship headed out to sea.  Once the crew, passengers, and every last rat had expired, Death found that he had himself a floating island...and finally, a vacation. 

Mamakat: My Husband's Top Five

Mamakat's prompt: If you HAD to marry a celebrity...who would make your top five list and why? (Let's just pretend you're not actually already married mkay?)

Since I've already written about my top five guys, I decided to ask my husband about HIS top five. He reads my blog sometimes(Hi Sweetie!), so he knew all about my list, and he actually agreed with my hypothetical choices. My husband is cool like that, but I was curious as to how he would handle the question being asked of him.

"Sweetie, if you HAD to marry a celebrity, in order to save the world or something, who would be in your top five?"

Larry did not even have to think about it.

"Jon Stewart," was the emphatic response.

I responded the only way that one can respond in this type of situation.

"Oh?!!" I nodded slowly. "Uh, why?"

"You asked about marrying, you didn't say anything about sex," Larry replied. "I don't know why you would buy into the stereotype that all men would only think of female celebrities in this type of hypothetical situation."

Fair enough. I continued my query, adding the stipulation that we deal with females for a bit. Larry sat there, thinking seriously.

"I honestly can't think of anyone," he finally said. I was undeterred.

"What about Cate Blanchett? You liked her in that hobbit movie."

"No, she is older than me," came the response. I snorted.

"Sweetie, I am also older than you. Quit stalling."

Finally, my husband came up with his five:

Claudia Black from Farscape
Christina Scabbia from the band Lacuna Coil
Tricia Helfer from Battlestar Galactica
Oprah Winfrey
JK Rowling

"I get why you chose the first three," I said. "But why the last two?"

"I'm not really that interested in looks," my husband said. "I am interested in brains. And the money to be able to do whatever I wanted. Plus, those two probably know some really interesting people that I could meet."

I couldn't argue with any of that. That's probably how I'd look at it, too. To save the world, anyway.

Jumping On The Bed

My son is obsessed with climbing up on our bed. It takes him a bit, because it's a king-sized bed that sits a bit higher off the ground, but he gets there eventually. Zane stands up once he has climbed his version of Mt. Everest, and never fails to throw both arms in the air in victory.

And then he jumps.

He jumps on the bed at least twenty times in a row. Zane throws himself onto the bed so he can feel his body bounce, and stands up again. Then he throws his arms in the air again, and leaps right off the bed to land on the ground with a distinct THUMP. He giggles, and then he climbs onto our bed to repeat the process, at least until I holler at him about dragging all the bed linens off to one side in his climbing efforts.

When Zane is jumping on the bed, I admit that I sort of wig out. I have visions of bleeding, ER visits, and stitches rolling through my head. And watching him also makes me think of that stupid Mama monkey who allows her five children to jump on the bed and get traumatic brain injuries.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

That stupid doctor never called child protective services after any of those monkey children "fell off and bumped his head"!

It seems like every child I have ever known, including myself, cannot resist jumping on a bed. You put just about any child in the middle of a bed, and within a few seconds that child will be jumping up and down, ruining your mattress. Why this obsession?

Is this genetic? If so, why can't there be a gene that makes a kid pick up all his toys or not leave his clothing dropped all over the floor? It's a known fact that children who pick up their toys live longer. That sort of gene would ensure survival of the species, I think.

Jumping on the bed probably did not happen "way back in the day," because that would have involved jumping on dirt, or sod, or corn husks, or whatever the heck people made their beds out of before electricity. Where's the fun in jumping on corn husks?

I hypothesize without any supporting data that this jumping on the bed thing probably started up when they started to sell mattresses with box springs. Some of those people purchasing those mattresses probably had kids, because during that time everyone probably had at least seventy kids so they would have cheap labor.

It would be natural for any kid to want to explore and experiment with the new item in the house. Soon that explorer would be standing on the mattress in the middle of the bed. Jumping would not seem to be the logical activity to engage in while standing in the middle of a mattress, but it made sense to that first kid to jump.

Who made that first leap into the unknown? Who took that first little hop and noticed the bounce? Which kid bounced so high that they touched the ceiling with their grubby fingers? Who thought that their jump would make them feel they were flying and make them giggle? Who was unexpectedly catapulted onto the harsh reality that is the floor? I'll never know, and that just makes me want to find the author of that rhyme with the five monkeys and punch them in the face every time that song gets stuck in my head. I hate not knowing stuff.

The Surprises That You Find On Your Patio, Part One

Zane and I were in the backyard the other day, when he came running, yelling "Cad-err-pee-yar!" or something else that sounded like 'caterpillar'. (Some things Z says well, and others, not so much) And indeed there was a caterpillar:



He/she was racing across the yard like it was on fire. I scooped it up, since my son likes to grab things. He's at that age, and normally I indulge him, but on this day, I wasn't sure if this particular bug was the kind that sting.



We watched it in the insect cage until it hatched into a butterfly. No, not really. We let it go after a bit, because after all that racing about, I thought the caterpillar should get to complete the mission.



Look at that caterpillar go!



I still don't have any idea what kind of caterpillar it was, but my son still goes to the fence to see if he can find it!

Saturdays can be fun!

So I am chasing my laughing son around the house, threatening him with...the rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That's right--I'm chasing my son with a stuffed white rabbit with enormous teeth. Occasionally he slows down enough or purposefully stops and hunkers down so the rabbit can 'nibble' on his feet, especially his toes. Sometimes I let the rabbit grab onto Zane's shirt before he takes off running, sometimes I let the rabbit try to tickle Z's armpits. Zane loves all this running and tickling and giggling. Mama loves it, too.

I just hope he doesn't ever find out about the Holy Hand Grenade.