Random Whatnots

I've been battling some sort of microscopic creature. It's either pollen from the evil mountain cedar trees, or it's a random virus.  I can safely say that what I have is not the Superbug "Sydney" Norovirus that has everyone in a tizzy, but other than that, I'm clueless.  I feel generally icky, I sound like Bea Arthur, but I don't have a fever.  It could be something else, but I've banned myself from doing any sort of internet searches on it, because when I do that I tend to find out that I have Ebola.  I think WebMd should have a "Roulette Wheel of Symptoms".  You click on it, it spins, and your diagnosis is whatever the clicker stops on.  That would likely be as accurate as self-diagnosis, plus you'd get to learn about all sorts of icky maladies.

Have you ever been caught in the Vortex of Chatty?  I just made that term up, but the experience was horrible. The Vortex of Chatty occurs when you are surrounded by people who are wordy, loquacious, long-winded, verbose, chatty, etc.  You can't leave because it would be impolite to leave without saying something,  but you can't get a word in edge-wise to excuse yourself from the conversation.    Before I knew what was happening, half of my day was gone!   I understand that sometimes people need to talk, and I am okay with being a listener, except when I am completely overwhelmed with work-related tasks or I have to be somewhere.  Then not only am I a terrible listener, I also am likely to yell.  This is so embarrassing that I need to look at cat pictures to get over myself.

I am only crossing my legs to fool you into dropping your guard.

Zane and I took Maisy for our big walk to the lake, and there were cranes.  Beautiful, white, graceful, cranes.  I wanted to take a picture, so I asked Zane to hold Maisy's leash.  I'm still kicking myself for being such an idiot.  Maisy and Zane haven't established that clear owner-animal relationship yet.  I think Maisy sees Zane as a puppy, which translates in her language to "NOT. IN. CHARGE."  As soon as Zane touched the leash, Maisy took off. Zane immediately lost his mind, thinking that Maisy was going to run away.  While he was busy being hysterical, Maisy fell into the lake.  I tried to take a picture of the cranes, then figured out how to get Maisy back on track

We had to buy a bigger crate for her, since the soft sided crate essentially disintegrated. She probably weighs about thirty pounds by now, and is all legs.  We ended up buying a crate that is for a 100lbs dog.  It is big enough for Zane, Maisy, and Zena to be inside of it.  It might even be big enough for me to fit in there, although with my claustrophobia there is no way I'd let that happen.   However, Zane has taken to playing in there several days a week. 

We've had balmy weather lately--into the 80s.  Just enough to get your body adjusted to the warmer temps before the next cold front whallops you on the head!  So tomorrow, when it's freezing outside, I'll worry about my parents, who are in Illinois for my grandpa's funeral.  They will be driving back to our part of the world, soon, but they will miss the brief shot of summer.  Then I'll try to burrow underneath my pillows.

 

I am over visiting Stacy's crowd at Stacy Uncorked, so go check them out.  I feel a little guilty that I never asked my grandfather for his secret wine recipe, just so I could share it with her!

A Hefty Dose of Random

I really, really hate it when I see someone speeding in a place where I got caught speeding.  I feel singled out. Like I am the only person ever given a ticket on this particular stretch of road. Hmph.  Darn cop was probably on the lookout for me.  If I am getting a ticket, everybody else who speeds at that particular intersection should get a ticket.  I have not even seen that cop car sitting there since I got a ticket!

Why do the soccer uniforms for the USA team make them look like gondoliers in Venice?  Who thought that would be a good idea?  I'm not even the least bit fashionable, and even I know that horizontal stripes are a bad idea unless you weigh less than a toothpick.  And even then, it's an iffy thing.  I don't know why clothing designers try to foist that stuff on us, except as a cruel joke.  They make the clothing smaller so it doesn't fit, and then put horizontal stripes on it so we will feel bad about ourselves and buy lots of diet products.  I may be on to something...

Source: nj.com via Tina on Pinterest

Why do cats have to claim whatever you are reading?  I've had cats lay down on newspapers, magazines, books, even pamphlets.  If I am paying attention to it, a cat shows up and plants their butt on it.  But the cake was taken today when my cat Pounce claimed my Kindle.  She just got in my lap and laid down right on top of my reading!

I saw this e-card, and I thought of all of you!  And, of course, now I am hungry...

Source: someecards.com via Tina on Pinterest

I have elevens. I haven't been watching This is Spinal Tap. When you have a lot of pain, such as migraines, you often furrow your brow.  Over time, two lines tend to form between your eyebrows, marking you.  Some people only have a one instead of an eleven.  It's like a secret club.  Do you have elevens?  Does all this sound like a commercial for Direct TV, where you're not supposed to attend your own funeral as a guy named Phil Schifly?

We may be hitting the beach for a couple of days this summer, and I would like to have a pedicure to go with my pasty white skin.  I don't usually get pedicures, but I am going to spoil myself, dammit!  So, when one gets a pedicure, is it best to go with the colored nails or the French manicure? If colored nails, should you go demure or bold?  My tendency is toward bold, edgy colors, such as purple. But that sort of polish tends to chip more quickly, in my experience.  Also, should I disguise my hammer toe with a catchy silver ring? Minus the snakes, of course! (Those are not my feet. My husband would divorce me if I had snakes on my feet. Well, after he woke up from his faint.)

Source: mysanantonio.com via Tina on Pinterest

I am randomly going to be swinging by Stacy's place today. Join  me!

I Think I'm Random Today

I'm feeling a bit "off" today.  My brain doesn't seem to want to hang on to any one thought for longer than it takes to register that it is, indeed, a thought.  In other words, I seem to be having a James Joyce stream of consciousness day.  I blame that Lego Alien dude with his green ray gun.  Luckily, my friend Andrea over at Maybe It's Just Me  saved the day, since she introduced me to Stacy, who is reportedly uncorked.  Uncorked is a good way to be, I think.

I am sad to say that my son went into daycare with his pants on backwards yesterday.  I didn't notice until he was walking away from me on his way into his classroom, because well, I'm not really awake when we drop him off.  I'm still on the guilt trip from that one.  To be fair, the boy is all about independence right now, so he wants to get himself dressed, and I have to let him. Right? I guess that I should be glad that he is still asking me which shoe goes on which foot!

We have a family of barnswallows that visit us every year.  I am not sure what the average life span of a barnswallow is, but these seem to be from the same family that has been visiting us since we moved in.  I am enough of a science-geek type that I enjoy watching the birds as they sit on the eggs and struggle to keep those babies fed.  My cat Zena loves the barnswallows, too--she regularly parks herself somewhere under the nest and takes a nap.  I know that she is doing it just to perturb them! Those birds will make a racket and dive bomb her, but she's a cat, and she loves that drama. 

We have had tons of storms the past week, and I couldn't be happier.  Why?  Because we are about a quart low on water around here, so any rain at all is very appreciated.  At least, appreciated by everyone who isn't my husband.  (As you might surmise, he is the one who mows the lawn around here!)   We've had about ten inches of rain over the past ten days, but we could probably do with ten more.  I would really like to plant some flowers and grow some veggies!

Speaking of random, my son told me that "Dogs don't write."  I think that I will wait to tell him that our dog, Sandy, may she rest in peace, used to maintain regular correspondence with several small children in her younger days.  Sandy was a faithful dog as well as a faithful letter writer, even if her spelling and handwriting were atrocious.  I guess that it is difficult for a dog to hold a pen, but perhaps a smart one could learn to type?  Then it could go into politics!

Random Roundup

No matter how evolved we are as a species, we still exhibit some of the behaviors of animals. We stake out our territory, we mark it, we defend it. This will be important information for people who plan to shop on Black Friday. In fact, I recommend watching nature shows--the ones with the lions hunting gazelles is good--the entire week prior to Black Friday to enhance the experience. Be the lion, not the gazelle, because it's all about the presentation.

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Zane and his father were shopping recently. At this particular shopping center, there is a three-way stop. Not everyone is clear on the concept of 'stop'. On this occasion, Zane was happy to play traffic cop.

"You wait your turn, cars! Or else you'll make my daddy cranky!"

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I have been trying to decide whether I should invite my parents and my mother-in-law over for Thanksgiving, or if it would be better for all concerned if I did not. On the one hand, we wouldn't have to travel anywhere. On the other hand, burning the turkey tends to ruin the holiday spirit.

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I did something that was apparently against the rules the other day, and my son looked at me.

"I'm going to point at you, and then I'm going to call your mom."

I snorted. He doesn't know her phone number.

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I think that people dismiss Rick Perry at their peril. I don't like the guy, but he is extremely savvy politically. I would not be surprised to read that his screw-up in the debate this week, when he couldn't remember what agencies he would get rid of, was intentional.

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On the recommendation of Stephen King(his book On Writing has a reading list), I've begun reading Lee Child's Jack Reacher series. They certainly aren't romantic, but the main character is a guy who gets things done. I like that.

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Speaking again of lions, lionesses do most of the heavy lifting for the pride, while the male just sort of hangs out until the last two minutes of the game. I wonder if the male lions ever ask a lioness to get them a beer. What do you think happened next?

Randomosity-Political Edition

I thought that I just made the word "randomosity" up, but I didn't. I'm annoyed about that, because it is my most fervent desire to invent a word that ends up in Merriam-Webster.

I can't actually talk about politics with people I know, because they get very emotional in their knee-jerk reactions and that makes me nervous. I do enjoy discussing/debating politics in a calm and respectful manner, because I always learn something, and sometimes after hearing another viewpoint, I may change my mind.

Politics is about COMPROMISE, not screaming that the other side is completely wrong about everything, no matter what they say. Politicians who don't understand that need to be sent home, immediately.

If you need an AK-47 to shoot a deer, then you suck as a hunter.

Also, putting out deer corn and shooting whatever shows up is not hunting. It's fishing.

If our children are truly our future, shouldn't we as a nation make sure they are all healthy and fed and educated? Seems to me that that should be our number one priority in any budget.

There should be some sort of guide out there that lists every single acronym and what they mean, because I sometimes get my ERAs and my PARAs with the NRAs mixed up. It's very embarrassing.

Geometry is a secret plot by mathematicians to take over the world. I'm not kidding. Just ask any high school student.

Do people who don't pay their taxes apply for Medicare or Social Security benefits? If so, does a government employee show up at their house just to slap them silly?

So you were sexually abused as a child, and now the world owes you for that. Guess what? Not gonna happen. Take responsibility and stop seeing yourself as a victim. You're only a victim if you choose to be.

Any non-government organization that says it's okay to use violence to get what they want is a terrorist organization. That means you, PETA and NRA.

If you're an adult and are thought to be reasonably capable of making a decision for yourself, and you choose not to have health insurance, that is okay by me. As long as you understand that the government will not be picking up the tab, and that includes disability payments.

If drugs and prostitution were legalized and regulated and then taxed heavily, that would likely eliminate the national debt. In a week.

I read that people sent Casey Anthony money for her prison account so she could buy some extra cheese doodles. Her own parents wouldn't give her money for a reason. Did anyone think to ask why?

If you feel that the government 'oppresses' you, then leave the freakin' country. Nobody is stopping you from going somewhere else where you won't be 'oppressed'. If you choose to stay, then quit whining.



I hope that I didn't get anyone up in arms about what I wrote about today. If you feel differently, tell me in the comments, but try to keep it civil. I don't have any tissues in the house right now.