How To Be A Superhero On A Budget

In the comics, and in the movies, most superheroes are loaded.  Batman is positively swimming in buckets of cash.  Iron Man oozes dollar bills out of his pores.  Arrow is loaded.  Even the superheroes who aren't bazillionares, like Flash, and Superman, aren't hurting for cash.  You just generally don't see your garden-variety superhero on the corner, cardboard sign in hand. 

Superheroes need cash to do their jobs.  Those fancy costumes and tools cost an arm and a leg.  The Batman not only has to shell out money for special outfits, he also has to maintain the Bat Cave, Batmobile, Bat Plane, Bat Boat, and whatever other patented Bat vehicle he creates. Those high tech specially designed suits that Iron Man wears are not found on close out at the local Walmart. Superman not only has to keep himself in spandex, he also has to keep himself in those fake glasses he wears to fool Lois Lane.  Even the Flash has to keep himself fed, since his super fast metabolism means that he has to eat more than the entire offensive line of the last Super Bowl winner.

Not all of us have trillions of dollars lying about in a vault, which is really a shame.  That doesn't mean that superhero-dom is not for you, however.  Maybe you won't have all the cool toys, but since most people have no idea what to do with a batarang, anyway, that's probably a good thing.  Anyone can be a superhero, no matter the income.  There's a few decisions that need to be made first.

1.  Cape or No Cape?  One cannot deny that Superman looks pretty awesome in a cape.  And Batman would not be so very mysterious and 'bat-like' without a cape.  A cape can make a person feel...super.  If that piece of material  is all that stands between you and your new career as a superhero, then go for it.  However, after viewing the movie The Incredibles, my feelings on capes underwent an adjustment.  And there are a number of successful superheroes who do not have capes.  A cape would slow the Flash down, for example.  So capes are really a personal decision.

2.  Practice Your Stance   Every superhero has a stance.  It's expected.  It may be a law of the Universe or something. Superman has that hands-on-hips, legs wide apart, cape flowing in the breeze. It's that stance that conveys to the world, "I am mighty!"  A number of other superheroes have adopted a similar stance, but that's certainly no reason not to come up with your own unique way of letting the world know that you...are mighty.

3.  Theme Music  Every time Captain America shows up on the screen, there is soaring music to let you know that he is there to save the day.  Batman usually has some dark score soaring in the background to let you know that he's there, even if he is in one of his secretive moods.  Theme music sets the stage for the hero, and if there's a song that makes a person feel heroic and superhero-ish, then that should be their theme song.  Eye of the Tiger seems to be a favorite, but really, any song will do.  No one has to hear it but you, through your headphones or in your head, if you don't want anyone to know.  If it makes you feel super, it's worthy.

4.  Sidekicks Are Essential  Batman has Alfred, and Robin. Superman has his mom, and a few other insiders. Iron Man has Pepper Potts, and War Machine.  Captain America has the Falcon, and Bucky Barnes.  The Flash has a team of scientists and police officers on his side.  Half of Star City apparently knows that Oliver Queen is the Arrow, but they are all essential to his do-gooder team.  Every superhero needs a helper, and that's a fact.  Heck, just getting into those spandex outfits must take at least two people!  And some good deeds require more than one person to complete them.  Soup kitchens, for example, couldn't exist if only one person was running them. 

5.  Do Some Good Deeds  This is the most essential part of being a superhero.  Batman's life is dedicated to taking back Gotham City from criminals.  Superman is all about truth, justice, and such.  The Flash rushes in to help as many as he can.  Superheroes come in all shapes and sizes, but the one thing that they all have in common is the desire to help others in some way.  You don't have to be a superhero for that, you just have to want to help.  It doesn't require super strength to volunteer to read to senior citizens.  Helping out at the local animal shelter doesn't require a special spandex suit.  It just requires YOU.  Giving your time to worthy causes doesn't require any extra equipment or cash, but it will sure help you feel like a superhero. 

You can even wear a cape and have your sidekick follow you around with your iPod speakers blaring your theme song. 

No Feeties, Please

We found these in Target. In the men's section, not the boys.  The more I think about it, the more I wonder.  What exactly is the target market for this particular outfit?  Men with unfulfilled superhero fantasies?  Women with unfulfilled superhero fantasies about their husbands?  Large children with unfulfilled superhero fantasies about their parents? 

Are these jammies?  They totally look like jammies.  Except that there's no feet on them.

I know that people seem to love footie pajamas.  For some, the warmth of wearing jammies with feet brings to mind childhood winters spent curled in front of the television after a day spent outside in the snow.  Those people would not be me.

I like my feet bare, thank you.

It's not that my feet are particularly gorgeous.  My ankles are covered in petichia, a vestige of my blood pressure. I have two toes longer than my big toe, which I'm told means that I'm bossy.  I've got a hammer toe that I've named MC, because it amuses me.  I'm not in line for America's Top Foot Model, by any stretch.  My feet are well worn, because they are on duty most of the day, and for several trip during the night.  But I like them bare, just the same. I am more comfortable that way.

When I was a kid, I was barefoot most of the summer, just like most kids at the time. Playing in the backyard, playing on the playground, walking to the local pool, all in my bare feet. It didn't matter how hot the asphalt was--my feet seemed immune to the searing pain that others felt.   In the winter time, I was usually barefoot inside the house. I would have been barefoot outside the house, but my mother had a fit, and you know what that means.  Shoes and socks.  The second I got home, however, the offending items were pulled off, because my toes were sweaty.  Nobody likes sweaty toes!

These days, I wear shoes that are open toed, even in the middle of winter.  If you ever see me wearing socks, it's because my feet are finally a color of blue that I have to address.  But the socks are on only as long as it takes for my feet to warm up, and then they are off.  I'm a hit at staff meetings for that very reason.  On the coldest nights, I will be completely covered...except for my feet. If my feet are hot, I can't sleep, it is just too uncomfortable.

I can't be the only weirdo out there with hot feet.  Or can I?  Feet are not usually topics one can bring up randomly in conversation, so I don't really know. All I know is that my feet are bare and I like it that way.

Pre-Christmas Random

The family went to see The Hobbit last Saturday.  We went to the first showing at 10am, and were blessed with a less than packed theater, and we got to sit in the most fortuitous spot for movie viewing.  Where is that?  That is the spot where you can get up and leave the theater without disturbing other patrons.  For us, these are seats where one of us is on the aisle.  Since Larry is the one who has been impatiently waiting for this movie since the Return of the King was finished, I was the one who took Zane to the bathroom four or five times, got more popcorn, got more drinks, etc. So I missed a little of the movie.  Normally this would bother me, but I am sure that I will be seeing the 3D version of the movie as well as the 48-frames-per-second version that people either love or hate.  If any theater in San Antonio has that particular version; we seem to be looked upon as a less than educated movie going audience, and they might not think anyone would be interested in something new.  

Christopher Lee is in The Hobbit, revising his role as Saruman the White Wizard.  Christopher Lee actually met Tolkien, and that already makes him cooler than most people.  What is also cool is that Christopher Lee has been in more movies than anybody. Think about how many movies he's starred in, or had a cameo, etc.  That's a very long and distinguished career for an actor.  I don't think that I want to be a school psychologist for that long; there's only so many IQ tests one can give before it all runs together. 

Speaking of movies, I really would like to see the new Tom Cruise movie, which is based on a character from a Lee Child novel.  I'm a bit leery, however.  The character, Jack Reacher, is described as 6'5", and 250 lbs.  Tom Cruise is what--5'7"?   Also, Jack Reacher is described as not all that great looking.  Which is going to make this movie a bit awkward, but I'm willing to give Cruise the benefit of the doubt.  He has shown before that he can actually act, so if anyone can pull it off, he can.

There's quite a few movies coming out over the next year that I'm eager to see, including the new Superman movie and the new Star Trek movie.  There's also another Iron Man movie and another Thor movie!  Have you noticed a theme to the movies I want to see?  If a film is 'romantic',  'arty', or 'drama", I would rather wait and see the movie at home.  That way, if I cry and get all puffy, nobody sees that.  I go to the movies to escape, so I want lots of action, stuff blowing up, people getting smacked around without suffering any significant damage, etc.  Those sorts of movies lend themselves to the big screen, I think. 

I am halfway finished with my Christmas shopping, thanks to Amazon.  I don't particularly enjoy big crowds anymore, so I am happy to do my shopping online.  I hope to sneak out during my lunch hour to grab a couple of gifts, but I may just have to get up early on Saturday.  Zane has asked for a Nintendo DS, and I think that we are also getting him a new bike.  He may be ready for us to take off the training wheels this year, which will be both good and bad.  Bad, just because he will be riding way faster than I can run, even on a good day.   Between Zane on his bike and walking Maisy, I may even lose some weight!

Zane wanted to give presents to all of his teachers, so I let him rummage through all the stretchy bracelets I've made over the past year. He and I put them together; I hold the stretchy part, and Zane  puts the beads on.  I figured that doing that activity would be good for his fine motor skills, but we won't see the benefits from that until he starts actual writing.  Right now he's just copying letters.

I will be going to my son's "Christmas Sing-a-long" this week. I'm skipping work for a couple of hours, but it will be worth it.  I will have to bring the camera, and the Flip camera.  Zane has been singing Christmas carols nonstop for the last month, and we've been amazed at what he is remembering.  I'm so eager to see my little boy up there, but I hope that I don't embarrass him with my cheering.

I think that's about all the random I have for today.  Please go and visit Stacy over at Stacy Uncorked, because she is awesome.   Also, hug your child today, and tell them that you love them.  Tell all of your loved ones that you love them, as a matter of fact. 

How Most Shopping Trips Go Awry

I am sitting at the table in the kitchen, writing down the items we need from the grocery store.

"What you doing, Mama?" Zane asks as he rides his 'bike' into the kitchen.

"I am making a list of things to get from the grocery store, my little Cheesy-poof," I reply, "Do you have anything you want from the store?"

"Yep," came the reply.

"What would you like?" I ready my pencil.

"Um...Candy,"

"Okay," I write down the word. "Anything else?"

"Uhhh...Astrid(character from How to Train Your Dragon)...Batman...Candy...Batman...Superman...Candy..."

I may have to get a second cart...Batman being a pretty big guy and all...

Dear Fisher Price...

My active, imaginative three year old son wants one of these for Christmas:


My son LOVES his Imaginext Batman. Zane carries his Batman along on all of his adventures. But he wants Batman to have his friend, Superman, to come along for the ride, just like on Justice League. (Yes, I know that Batman was the Greta Garbo of the superhero world. Everybody is friends in Zane's World.)

And we would very much like to be able to give it to him. However, we cannot find it anywhere on planet Earth because you didn't make nearly as many Supermans as you did the other figures. We have driven all over this part of Texas, we have made phone calls, we have scoured the internet, and the only one we can find is a third party seller on Amazon, who wants twenty dollars for a toy that is supposed to cost five dollars. I don't blame him; the demand for this toy is akin to the search for the One Ring. This should not be.

Fisher Price toys are known for being sturdy and able to survive the vagaries of an active boy's childhood. Your company had to have known that these same boys would want to have Superman. So why didn't you make more of them? I can only conclude that this was intentional on Fisher Price's part. The alternative is that there are several hundred thousand comic book "aficionados" buying up Supermans as part of their retirement plans.

Please put more Supermans out there before Christmas. If you won't do that, could you please send us the coordinates to Krypton? Thanks!