Adulting 101: Fixing Up the House

I hadn't received any more cancer bills in recent months, and we had finally had to put in new roof.  We decided to do a little remodeling.  Larry wanted to get rid of the carpet, since it was 15 years old.  What about laminate flooring? I was fine with that.  I wanted to paint.  Off to Home Depot we went.

Home Depot has the paint in the front of the store.  They do this because they know that potential customers will be immediately distracted by the idea of painting a variety of colors all over their walls.  And I was indeed distracted, my eyes aglow at the idea of Translucent Silk(TM) covering my walls.  I reasoned with Larry that we hadn't painted the house since we moved in, and we were due. He was unconvinced, until I pointed to a big sign. PAINT SALE.  That was all the convincing that Larry needed. We grabbed some paint chips to bring home to aid our selection.

"But we are here for the flooring," he refocused me.  So off we went, past the gorgeous fridges that beckoned us alluringly with their ice makers.  We found the flooring and spent several minutes standing in front of a number of samples. Then we found a guy to talk to about the flooring, and we bothered him long enough to get an estimate as to cost.  After a rather prolonged argument about color, we chose some samples, and took them home. The next day, Larry and I were back, our decisions made.  We got the flooring ordered, installation set up, then purchased painting supplies. We felt very grown up. 

This is what homeowners do. When you live in an apartment, someone else takes care of the run of the mill things such as mowing the lawn, spraying for bugs, clear a clogged drain.  When you own a home, there's nobody to take care of the field of grass growing in your back yard but you.  And home ownership does not come with a lawn mower or a pack of llamas.  Or rakes.  Or those covers you have to buy to keep your outside pipes from bursting in a freeze.  When the showers need to be caulked, or the toilet overflows and the water leaks downstairs into the pantry, you're the one who has to take care of it.  Larry is much less likely to remove a finger while using power tools, so he gets the fun job.    

This is part of being an adult.  You get to figure out what you need and purchase it or hire someone and pay them to do it.  You become a problem solver by default. Your parents won't be there to take care of it.  

So probably a good idea to start practicing problem solving now.  Start small, like choosing a coffee maker.  Go from there.  You can do it.  

Adulting 101: Redirect Your Anger

Since I am ensconced in my home these days, as are most of us, I have time to keep track of various "wars" on the interwebs.  I don't normally participate, because a)nobody appears to be actually listening to anyone else; b)nobody seems to be actually speaking for themselves, just repeating what someone else told them; and c)there's a lot of poop-flinging.  I am not a fan of the poop-flinging; if you can't make your case without resorting to name calling and whatnot, your argument is weak.  But some people do derive enjoyment of the poop-flinging.  

I have noticed a trend.  A ridiculous trend, where people are becoming angry at the wrong things.  People are angry about having to wear a mask in public, even though it has been proven to save lives.  People are angry about having to acknowledge that yes, a black man was killed in front of their eyes on television by a white police officer.  People are angry that statues of people they never cared about in the first place are being moved.  People are angry that they can no longer enjoy pancakes the way they used to.  All of this anger seems to be directed toward a nebulous "other".  It's all someone else's fault.  Someone else has done this.  

No. 

If you choose not to wear a mask in public because it inconveniences you, and you take COVID19 home to a loved one, that's on you.  It's not some nebulous "other"; YOU made a poor decision, and there is a consequence.  If you are unhappy about pancakes, or statues, or a flag that was never official, ask your self what you're truly angry about. Maybe that anger is truly directed at yourself, for not noticing these issues?  Maybe that anger is a defensive anger, reacting to anything that might upset your comfortable world.  

The first reality that an adult must face is that nothing occurs in a vacuum.  You are responsible, either by your actions or your inaction, for things around you.  You are responsible for your behavior.  You are responsible for your ignorance.  You can deny that responsibility, but it still exists.  Acknowledge it, like an adult.  Then redirect that anger.  Be angry about the lack of social justice.  Be angry about income inequality.  Be angry that there are children going to bed hungry.  Then get off your butt and do something about it.  

Adulting 101: The Guilt of Resolutions

"What are your resolutions for the New Year?"

There is no question asked, every January, that strikes more fear in the hearts of adults.  If you say that you don't "do" resolutions, you get a lecture about adults and goal setting. If you stammer out some sort of sentence that resembles a goal, then you get an interrogation regarding the best way to formulate a resolution, because yours is terrible.  It's definitely a no-win, all around, especially if the person lecturing you is not the paragon of virtue they are pretending to be. 

You know who you are.  

When I first became an adult, and everyone started pestering me about resolutions, I was willing to give them a try. Create a grand goal toward the betterment of myself as a person?  Count me in, fellow adults!  I resolved to lose 47 pounds and be more tolerant of stupidity.  Easy, right?  Nope.  Too lofty, I was told.  Too unrealistic.  Fine, I grumbled.  I'll just lose the 47 pounds. Wait, now I actually have to DO this thing?

I started off the year on a good note, buying healthy food and setting up an exercise program. I was proud of myself.   By January 5th, I'd skipped at least one workout and eaten half a dozen donuts that someone left at work.

That's when the guilt sets in. Tremendous guilt. Your brain castigates you for not having any will power:  Why can't you just walk away from the donuts?  You didn't even let your coworkers get one! Shame! Shame! Shame! What is wrong with you, Fatty McThunderthighs?  If your brain is like mine, you may be able to rally your resolve for a few days longer.  You may even make it to the end of the the month.  Sooner or later, though, you've dropped all your resolutions and dissolved into a messy puddle of guilt and melted ice cream. I'm a terrible adult, I've told myself, wallowing in self-pity. 

Why?  Because someone told you that you should?  Because some sort of artificial establishment of society says that I have to?  Because you're an adult and that is what adults do? 

No.  The thing about being an adult is that YOU get to decide what works for YOU.  Are you the goal setting type?  That is wonderful!  Go for it!  Have a short attention span?  Maybe set up some micro resolutions that can be met weekly or even daily.  Tend to eat your feelings?  Focus on eating more fruits and veggies instead.  There's no guilt involved.  It's a resolution, not an all-or-nothing scenario.

Failure will happen, yes. This is part of being an adult. If everyone reached their goal on the first day of January, there wouldn't be this billion dollar industry set up around resolutions.  If you don't meet your goal today, you get to try again, and again, until you reach that goal or you decide to try something different.  Get up, dust yourself off, and do your best.  Don't worry about the top of the mountain, just focus on the climb. 

One rock at a time, until you get there, however long it takes.   That's what adults do.

Adulting 101: Your Parents Are Google.

Adulting is a verb right now.  I'm pretty sure that this version of  "adulting"  is the equivalent of "manning up", or "putting on your big girl panties".  Behaving in an appropriate manner in public, for example.  Making the difficult decision about whether to eat or pay the electric bill.  Talking to your children about sex without giggling.  Figuring out which end to put the diaper on.  Important, but life changing, information.

It used to be that kids learned these adulting secrets by watching their parents.  When moms stayed at home, back before electricity, her children got to see her perform a variety of tasks, such as cooking, household management, and childcare.  Dads, when they weren't at work, usually demonstrated basic lawn maintenance, the proper posture required for watching Sunday football, and how to change your own oil.  Theoretically, your parents should be preparing you to be an adult. When you hit that magic age where you move out on your own, it is expected that you will be able to handle everything.

This is nothing but a baldfaced lie.

There are just too many concepts and ideas for parents to teach their children in a single lifetime. It's impossible to even anticipate all of the even remotely probable events that will happen in one lifetime.  The reality is that, no matter how old you may be, you still need the older generation.  I am in my 50s.  People ask me stuff all the time, and I know the answers.  If you have a child in need of special education, I'm the woman to ask.  If you're interested in obscure facts or historical events, I'm the go-to.  I know way more about serial killers than is probably normal.  I can also tell you if you need to go see a doctor for various random ailments.  Just don't ask me which settings on the washer will remove ring-around-the-collar. I don't even know what that is.

I STILL call my parents to ask them stuff.  Just last night, I sent my mom a very important text:

"Can you freeze ham*?"

I've called my mother many times, not to chat(we aren't a chatty family), but for many crises in my life:

"The recipe calls for one egg, but when I cracked the egg, there were two yolks.  What does that mean?"  

"How do I keep from setting the kitchen on fire?"

"Can the baby eat strawberries/watermelon/broccoli/whatever, or is he too young?" 

"Is there a way to clean baby poop out of the tub, or do we have to move?"

My dad is not exempt from these calls or texts, either:

"There's a snake over here, Dad.  Looks rattlesnake-ish, but no rattle.  Run, or pick it up and throw over the fence?"

"Hey Dad, which wrench do I use to turn off the water to the house? And do you know a good plumber?"

If you think about it a moment, our parents are exactly what Google and other companies are trying to market.  If Alexa not only told you the weather, but also reminded you to put on a jacket so you don't get sick, that would be my mom.  Or your mom. We will always want to ask our parents for the answers, in most cases, even when we are supposed to be "adults".  There's something comforting about being able to pick up the phone, and it is depressing to think that someday a parent won't be around to answer the phone or texts.   Maybe Google will one day offer an option, where you can have your mom's voice answer you instead of  Alexa.

Although MY mom's voice would also be telling me, unsolicited, that my house is a mess, and that I should dust the ceiling fans, fer cryin' out loud.   Adulting is hard, but we don't always have to do it all alone.  Call or text your parents. Ask them all those nagging questions about eggs, and ham, and home maintenance, that you think that you're supposed to know.  Heck, even ask them what ring-around-the-collar is.  It will make them feel needed, and you will learn something that may prove useful later, when your own children are calling to ask these same questions.

**For the twenty or so readers who are waiting for the answer, yes, you can freeze ham, and no, you don't have to double the recipe if there's two yolks in one egg. And Clorox cures a multitude of ills, apparently.