- [he/she/I] was devastated by [...]
- [feeling] was experienced by [...]
- [person/thing] was possessed by [...]
The loss devastated Catherine, but the time to stop and look for her favorite gun rushed past like a flash flood. Before she figured out how to navigate the hysterical crowd, she found herself deposited a mile away from her house. Unarmed, she would have to find her way back home to her family.
How did I do?
Very nice... so many questions now.... how old is Catherine? A mile isn't so far, but what could she be confronted with that could take up 400 pages in a novel?
ReplyDeleteSo many questions...
Well, I was thinking about zombies, but that's just because I'm reading World War Z right now...
DeleteYikes! That was very active and exciting!
ReplyDeleteYou do need to check this sentence: "...she found herself deposited her a mile..." is "her" extra? Or supposed to be something else?
Thanks! I got it!
DeleteVery nice. Made me very curious as to why she needed a gun.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of questions here, huh? Nice active voice!
ReplyDeleteZombies! I love Zombie stories. Have you seen Shawn of the Dead? Fido?
ReplyDeleteLove the "favorite gun" bit. When my brother was a police officer, he named his service pistol "Rachel, the lightning rapier of death". For some reason, that's where I went. Very nicely done!
Wow. For so few words you created one heck of an opening! I, too, would love to see where this could go.
ReplyDelete