Thursday, June 21, 2012

You Know You're a Mom

Mamkat's Extremely Famous Prompt:  3.)  You know you’re a Mom when…

When I became a mom, lots of things changed.  In a good way, overall.  I joined a very esteemed club, filled with women who sacrificed their bodies to raise progeny. As someone who was always picked last for teams and such, I'm not used to belonging to such a great group.  We have a lot in common now.  We all know you're a Mom when:

You no longer close the door when you pee, just in case your very young child needs you.  This can lead to some embarrassment when you're at a dinner party. 

Your child's projectile vomiting is the only thing that gets you out of bed at night.

If no tissue is available, you just reach over and wipe your child's nose with your fingers, then wipe your fingers on your jeans, all without stopping your conversation.

Your boobs are not nearly as perky as they were before breastfeeding happened.  They are darn tired!  The girls' have a new nickname-Droopy.

You gain twenty pounds.  Why?  Because you end up eating the food that your kids don't want in addition to your own meals, so the food isn't wasted. 

When your boss comes back from the restroom, you absentmindedly ask him if he washed his hands.

Your purse contains diapers, wipes, gels, sprays, juice, sunscreen, band-aids, paper clips, and Jimmy Hoffa, just in case you need it.  Your purse also weighs seventy pounds.

Any and every conversation you have with another adult involves some mention of your child, along with photos, videos, written reports, as well as a Power Point presentation.

You are overwhelmed with the urge to make sure that everyone's garment tags are tucked into their appropriate shirts and pants.

You find yourself checking people's feet, to make sure that they have put their shoes on the correct foot.

After the child turns a certain age and is mobile, you not only close the bathroom door, you lock it, and you hold very still, hoping that your kids don't notice that you are in there.

A glass of wine looks pretty darn good at the end of the day.  The bottle looks even better.

Your greatest  fantasy involves a massage, a nap, and alone time.

You're at a dinner with your friends, and one of them has a schmear of something on their chin.  You have a napkin dipped in water and are reaching out to clean it off before you are aware of it.


  1. You know, the bottles of wine were becoming difficult - tough to open and needing opening frequently. Since becoming a mom I've graduated to the box!


    1. Opening the bottle is really the only upper body exercise I get, but I suppose lifting the box would work...

  2. hahaha this was a great post!

  3. :) Also, you think your head might explode if one more veteran mother tells you how fast it all goes by, and then you vow to never say it to a rookie!

    1. It does go by fast, but they never listen!

    2. I vowed to never say that. Another parenting rule I TOTALLY broke :-)

  4. Funny list! I like the nose wipe one, especially. If my kid's nose is dripping with snot, I do what I have to do. If my kid's shirt is already filthy then I grab a sleeve and wipe away. And with boys it's a good bet their shirt is already filthy! They subscribe to the why use a napkin philosophy.

    And Andrea-- there are so many things I promise to never say to a rookie! I still get comments like that from other moms when I don't have my kids (I'm pregnant so moms feel the need to ply on the advice). The shock on their face when I say, "Yeah, this is my fourth" is priceless! I should have used that line even when I was just pregnant with my first!

  5. What a great list. I have to work at not asking people other than my children if they've washed their hands (and flushed, and put the seat back down!).


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