The other day, as I was sitting in my office writing a report, I glanced at my calendar, and had a minor panic attack. It was 3:25, and I was supposed to be at my oncologist's office by 3:30. I had forgotten all about my appointment! As I dropped everything and raced over there, I thought about how, for the last two years, doctor's appointments were pretty much all I thought about. They were written in red pen on my calendar, and circled, and highlighted, months in advance. There was a list, in my head, as well:
Surgery? Check.
Chemotherapy? Check.
Radiation? Check.
Reconstruction? Check.
Chemically induced menopause? Check.
Random Spaz-out? Double check.
I arrived at the oncologist's office with the realization that I was now more focused on being healthy than on my illnesses. It seemed as though all I ever thought about, for ages, was doctor appointments, surgery appointments. Anxiety about surgeries. Anxiety about chemotherapy. Anxiety about surgical recovery. Anxiety about just about everything medical that a person can think of.
After two years, I am feeling healthy enough that I remembered more about my son's soccer practices than which doctor I needed to see and when. With a reference to Ferris Bueller, such a momentous change in perspective, and I almost missed it. But that's pretty darn wonderful, isn't it? I'd rather be focused on what's happening around me than doctor's appointments.
Who wouldn't?
Indeed, wonderful to read. Have fun at soccer practice.
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