Sunday, July 21, 2013

Anxiety is a PITA

I've been having panic attacks the past few days. 

They happen without warning, of course, otherwise what would be the point?   I'll be reading or working around the house or fall asleep, and that insidious little voice whispers in my ear:

"Something bad is going to happen."

What? My brain turns on the Red Alert siren, all of my neurons firing up and freaking out. That voice keeps talking:

"It's going to be just terrible. It's going to be terrible, and you're not going to be able to handle any of it."

My thoughts are now racing.  What did I forget?  Did I leave the car running?  Did I forget to lock the front door?   Is there a bad man in my house, waiting to kill me? Where is my purse?  What did I do with my keys?  What if that zombie apocalypse is real and they are heading this way? What if the new job I just got is horrible and they fire me?  What if we end up homeless because we can't pay our bills?  What if I have to sell my hair/plasma to pay some bills?  Is that a tornado or a train?  What if Zane gets kicked out of kindergarten?  Why are my palms sweaty?  What is wrong with me?  Am I having a heart attack?  What about an asthma attack?  What about a heart attack disguised as an asthma attack?  What if I have some new weird disease that nobody has even heard of before?  Who is going to pay for the medical bills for this?

And over all that, my thinking brain is hollering: what is the problem?  What is the problem?  WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

Finally that insidious little voice answers:

"How should I know? I'm just here to get you worked up over nothing, because something might happen."

Completely wigging out over nothing, just because it might be something? Sucks.  

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
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  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
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  • Link up your post below.
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  1. I read once that worrying was just wishing for bad things to happen. And in a way, they were right.

    Positive thoughts yeild positive results.

    Control what you can, deal with the aftermath.

  2. I am so sorry to hear this because I know how it feels...ick! After having a few of those episodes in the middle of the night, and ending up sitting awake reading I thought it would be nicer if they happened during the, nope! Maybe it is backwards/residual anxiety from quitting your job? Don't forget to breathe!


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