Saturday, May 19, 2012

The All-You-Can-Eat Mosquito Buffet

Mosquitoes don't like me.  I'm not bragging here, but mosquitoes just don't seem eager to bite me.  There may be tons of the insects outside, but they leave me alone.  I can remember having mosquito bites as a child.  I seem to be persona non grata to them nowadays.  Occasionally I will get a couple of bites, but it is likely just a couple of young mosquitoes playing the mosquito version of "Chicken".   I don't even get the raised bump of a mosquito bite, just a red spot, as if the insect immediately died and fell away before even a sip of blood was tasted.     

My husband on the other hand, is viewed locally as an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet for mosquitoes.  If he sets foot outside, he is immediately surrounded by a floating black cloud of bloodsuckers.  It looks like a scene from a bad horror movie, and when it is over, my husband has to take benedryl to recover from the itchy bites.  I secretly call them his groupies, since I read that only female mosquitoes bite.  To mow the lawn, Larry has to first slather himself in insect repellent, and then roll around in a different insect repellent, and then put on two layers of clothing.  He also wears dark sunglasses so the mosquitoes don't recognize him, but it does no good.  They are waiting for him when he opens the garage door, not disturbed in the least by the sound of the lawnmower.  When we  travel to different places, the mosquitoes around here wire their friends, who usually meet us as soon as we get out of the car, wherever we happen to be.  Picture any scene in The Birds, only with mosquitoes.

I'm starting to get a little jealous, as stupid as that sounds.  What does he have that I don't have?  There has to be some reason!  Does my blood taste bad or something?  Do the mosquitoes know something that I don't know?  Was I exposed to random chemicals as a child that have made my blood toxic to mosquitoes? Was I bitten by a radioactive mosquito?  Shouldn't I have a superpower, if that is the case?  Is that my superpower--my ability to repel mosquitoes? Because that is pretty lame, as superpowers go. Superman at least gets to leap tall buildings!


  1. So funny! Consider yourself lucky. I'm like Larry. They feast on me when no one else is even being bothered. Drives me nuts and the itching....

  2. haha, we always want, what we can't have ;)

  3. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Now I am itchy and twitchy! I loathe mosquitoes. They attack me AND i get big attractive welts from their bites. My aunt makes fun of me for getting preoccupied with the thought of them on evenings out at the family camp, until I remind her what they do to me! So I am jealous of you!

  4. Maybe, you just don't react like the rest of us to the bites. Most people are allergic to the bites, if you're not, they could bite you and you'd not know because it wouldn't hurt.

    Or maybe you're toxic to them.

    Either way, you're the luckiest woman on earth.


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