Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Toilet and the Trainees

We THOUGHT that my son Zane was ready for potty training. He is asking about the potty a lot, he is telling us that he needs a "dy-der" change. More importantly, he was stripping off his shorts and ripping off his diaper faster than a Chippendale dancer presented a 100$ bill. So we got the pullups and some Spiderman underpants.

The boy is gaga over the Marvel Superheroes. He can tell you, and show you, Spiderman, Wolverine, Captain America, Cyclops, and Thor, among others. Yet we have yet to hear him call any of his classmates by any name other than 'Baby'. I suppose we should be thankful that he's not calling them all Debbie.

Anyway, we got all of the 'stuff' that you are supposed to have for potty training. We got him a little potty that will play a song if you go. We thought maybe that wouldn't work so we also got those littl potty seats that fit into a regular toilet seat. We got stickers. We got charts. We explained the whole routine--sit on the potty, get a sticker. Get so many stickers, get a treat. And...

Nothing. Zane will sit on the potty for the length of time it takes to say the Alphabet Song twice, IF he wants to. Otherwise, not happening. I can close the bathroom door, but if he doesn't want to sit, I can't make him. Oh yeah--I know what you're saying right now, smug parents with potty trained children: "Make him sit. Hold him down if you have to. You're the parent!"

One thing that you need to know about Zane is that he is THE most stubborn child on the planet, the product of two of the most hardheaded people on the planet. If he doesn't want to do something, he will not. He will bend his body in the most fearsome contortions ever seen outside of a carnival sideshow in order not to sit on that seat. You could offer him candy, stickers, and Chuck E. Cheese on a platter, and he would not want any of it if it meant that he had to sit on that seat.

I don't want to force him. That is not a battle I think that anyone would win, and one that might result in an appearance on a future version of the Jerry Springer Show in 20 years. I do not want my child claiming that he is unemployed/alcoholic/in a bad relationship because I traumatized him with the potty. If my family is going to be on television, it better be for something other than a perp walk!

Instead, I think we will keep offering Zane the goodies. Keep things positive. Maybe up the ante with the kinds of prizes we give. It is possible that we will find Zane's tipping point, where he will finally decide that it is worth his while to sit on the potty, before we start offering televisions and DVD players.

Pray for us.

1 comment:

  1. Speaking as a smug parent with potty trained children: I just waited. Apparently there's a window when they're 12 months or something and if you miss it you have to just wait until they decide it's time, so I waited both times. I remember thinking, with Child 2 who is much like Zane, it sounds, "OMG WILL THIS EVER HAPPEN??" The good thing about waiting (they were both almost 4) is that the whole process only takes about a week and then you're done


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