Computer Genius

Andy Rooney created something called “The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.”  We want you to give us your own probability equation.  Use whichever numbers suit you, and make it about whatever you like, but give us something to think about.  In 33 words, of course.  My computer, Hal, Jr.,  is not feeling well this weekend, so guess what I wrote about?


My extensive computer skills:
Twenty-five percent
Head scratching,
Thirty-five percent
Following the tried and true adage: 
When in doubt, reboot.
Twenty-five percent
Complaining loudly.
And fifteen percent
Getting my husband to fix it.

Computer Wisdom

Most of what I know about computers is self-taught. I didn't major in computers or run off to get a piece of paper from Microsoft so I could feel superior to the multitude. I never bought any of the "Dummies" books. Except for the one about wine; but that was extremely important to my well-being at the time.

My computer education has occurred on the job, as I either sit in front of the screen pressing buttons and making threats until the machine does what I want, or I find a manual and reference the information.

Sometimes I shake my laptop as if it were an Etch-a-Sketch. Just kidding.

But I've noticed a couple of things along my path of learning, and I would like to share my wisdom with you. Some of this stuff could probably apply to life as well, but I won't get preachy.

In any office, the one who knows how to clear a paper jam out of the printer is automatically tagged as "tech support" and is the person of first resort any time ANYTHING vaguely resembling a technology device breaks down. Such as the digital clock

If one thing is wrong with a computer that two people use, it is always the other guy's fault. Especially if that person is not in the room. Oh, and that absent person also downloaded porn. And viruses.

If anyone asks, say that you read the manual. If this statement is contested, demand to be shown the page where the information is found. Be as snotty as possible, no matter what. Snotty people almost never get smacked upside the head with the manual.

If your 'ESC' key pops off your keyboard, this is a clear sign that you need a vacation if it happens before noon, or a margarita if it happens after. If the key pops off right at twelve noon on the dot, you can have both.

Technology geeks do not like anyone crying on their equipment. The computer kind, I mean. Not even tears of joy.

Ctrl-Alt-Del is your friend. I don't know what the equivalent of that is for Apple. Ctrl-Apple-?

If all else fails, and you must take your computer down into the bowels of your building to the REAL tech support people, remember that they won't make you fill out a work order if you bring doughnuts. Or a case of Dr. Pepper. Or a year's subscription to Xbox-Live. Cash would likely be acceptable, too.

When in doubt, reboot.

An Old Dog Has to Learn Some NewTricks

My boss got our department iPads. Uck.

Let me elaborate. I am a PC girl. Not born a PC girl. I was actually introduced to computers via Apple. I had an Apple II as a matter of fact, but I never got all that excited about them. My coworker deleted her entire hard drive just by dragging it to the trash while she was talking on the phone, for example. Who the heck decided that THAT would be something that nobody would ever do?

I got a PC and never looked back. I like the logic of a PC, mostly because I can figure out how to do most things on a PC without asking anyone. I can play and explore and click all I want, and if I am about to do something stupid, a message pops up telling me so. I also love my PCs because I can play games on them, games that you can't play on Apple stuff.

My biggest beef with Apple has always been their tendency to make you only buy their stuff. If I want a larger hard drive for my computer and it's an Apple, I have to buy a new hard drive from them. If my monitor breaks, I have to take it to Apple or have it fixed by Apple affiliated repairmen. If you think about it, it is an ingenious business model--if you own everything about the product, including all the peripherals, you can charge whatever the heck you want and there isn't a danged thing that anyone can do about it. I don't like that. It goes against my natural aversion to being told what to do.

It's like there is someone selling ice cream. I can buy the ice cream and take it home. If I want chocolate syrup on it, however, I can't just run out and buy my own. I have to buy this special 'approved' chocolate syrup, or else I've violated some sort of EULA that causes my bowl of ice cream to explode. (I am not saying that Apples will explode. Please don't call anyone.)

What if I don't like that 'approved' syrup, I like the one I bought? Then you buy the PC ice cream, and you can pick your own bowl, spoon, syrup, sprinkles, etc., all from different companies that are not paying kickbacks to be affiliated with anyone. That is another thing that I do like about PCs. If I don't like the video card in the computer I have, I can change it myself. Okay, not me, because I couldn't tell you what a video card even IS, but you get my point.

You can see that I have a few strong feelings about this subject. I may sometimes get a little overzealous about it. I apologize for that, because I also strongly believe that people should be able to choose whatever kind of computer they want. I never want to be accused of evangelizing to anyone about their choice of computers and I will never pretend that I am superior to others just because of the computer I use. If Apple works for you and you are happy, that is just fine with me. I am only discussing MY reasons for choosing PCs. Don't hate me, Jillsmo!

But now I have a work iPad. So I have to use it. At least, I have to figure out HOW to use it. I did find the 'ON' button, eventually. It took me a bit, because it didn't look like an 'ON' button, but I did find it. I should probably be embarrassed to admit that. I've found the web browser. I do not like the keyboard. I keep having to stop and switch to the number part and then switch back, and that could present a problem if I am in a meeting taking notes. What I would eventually like to use my iPad for is to complete observations in the classroom, or to eventually administer some quick tests to students(I would really like to be in the room when Apple meets the Psychological Corporation. Talk about proprietary!).

I will say that Apple products are great for small children. My son, who is three, wandered up while I was trying to figure things out. I got up to get something, and when I came back, he had opened a drawing application and was happily drawing pictures. I didn't even know there WAS a drawing program on there.

For a couple of moments, I seriously considered cutting him out of my will.

It's Hard To Say Goodbye

I need a new computer.

Hal and I have been together since 2005(if you don't get the 'Hal' reference, turn in your geek card and go watch 2001: A Space Odyssey). Hal's been a faithful, reliable companion, and he's never been tempermental. He always turned on when he was supposed to. He never ate my files unless I accidentally told him to. He communicated efficiently with all the applications and printers and scanners and flash drives. Even when he began overheating during my LOTRO game play because of my video card, Hal still managed to keep my data intact. Even my husband's computer, with all it's fancy bells and whistles and special fans, never did that!

Lately, however, the old boy has been having some difficulty getting started when I turn him on in the mornings. My husband has been talking about Hal's 'power supply' in a hushed tone. Various applications have begun to 'freeze' or require a reboot. One of my hard drives is no longer accessible. This morning, the DVD drive would not open, even when I said 'please'.

It's time to put Hal out to pasture. This will be difficult for me. I've always had a difficult time saying goodbye to electronic devices; I'm pretty sure that I still have the very first cell phone I ever bought somewhere. This also means that I will need to sunder my attachment to Windows XP and give myself wholly over the most recent incarnation. There will be growing pains to go along with the change to a new computer.

But Hal won't be completely gone; my husband loves to 'tinker' with computers. He will disassemble Hal and harvest those parts that still work, so that Hal can live another day in another incarnation.

Such as a computer on a spaceship...

Technologically Challenged

I feel bad that I have no idea how to add really cool techie stuff to my blog. I would like to be able to do this, because I see really cool things during the day and I would love to take pictures and post them and then maybe have some animation or pole dancing.

I guess I'll have to read some directions somewhere at some point.