Dear Menfolk,
Living with a woman can be difficult. We might look pretty, but so do many venomous creatures. We come with a lot of rules, for one thing, many of them secreted away in our subconscious minds. Those hidden rules are minefields for you poor souls. In many cases, even we don't know what will set us off. Besides being a walking cesspool of hormonal fluctuations, sometimes we just get overwhelmed and we react to situations badly. Feelings have been hurt, pride has been wounded, egos have been stomped.
You, poor men, have missed some sort of clue, and now you are stranded in the center of the minefield, where any movement will result in a horrific explosion. I am here to help. Here is one very important secret to dealing with your significant other safely and keep your house in harmony: Treat all women as if we were badgers. We share many of the same behavioral characteristics. We get cranky when disturbed. We protect what we love. And we attack those who poke at us.
So stop trying to poke the badger with a spoon.
Your beloved is angry, for whatever reason. She leaves the room to calm down, muttering ominously to herself. You are concerned.
Let her go.
I know, I know--being a man, you want the problem solved right then. You don't want to wait. Your first instinct will be to get up and go to your lady. You will approach her, lovingly, with the intent of making things right. Your attempts will go horribly awry, and you will find yourself face to face with an angry badger, which is hands down the most terrifying experience known to man. Even Chuck Norris won't face down an angry badger.
(Note: this is a completely hypothetical situation. My husband knows better than to poke a badger with a spoon, which is why I married him.)
Man: "What is wrong?"
Woman: "Nothing." Translation: I am still so angry that I can't even articulate that I am angry. Leave me alone.
Man: "Seriously, honey, you look angry. What is going on?
Woman:(with clenched teeth) "Nothing." Translation: see above, especially the leaving alone part.
Man: "Is it me? Are you angry at me? Because I have just been sitting there watching television for the last 18 hours. You can't possibly be mad at me."
Silence, while fighting urge to scream.
Man: "Well if it is not me you are angry at, then who?"
Woamn: "Just. Go. Away. Now." Translation: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
Man: (Goes away, comes back three minutes later)
Man: "Are you still mad? This isn't because you got your period, is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Woman: "Grrrrrr!" (that's supposed to be the sound of an angry badger, but I've never been anywhere near an angry badger, so I am just guessing.)
When I become angry, I may need a few minutes or even a few hours to calm down, process what happened, and articulate my feelings about the situation. Sometimes the person I am angry at is actually me, but I need to figure that out on my own. I cannot calm down if there is someone following me around, asking me if I'm angry every 5 minutes. If anything, that person asking me if I'm angry--makes me angrier, and is the equivalent of poking a badger with a spoon. If you can learn to put the spoon down and wait for your love to calm down, your house will be much more harmonious, and there will be no need for any emergency medical attention.
I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Not Just Another Mother Blogger!
You know... my husband is a chronic spoon-poker. I think I should make him read this post.
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All I have to say about this is - yep. That's about it. :)
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