Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Little Depression

I've been a bit out of sorts these last couple of weeks.  One reason is that I've got some sort of infection working its way around my head, and we all know how odd the world seems when your head is stuffed full of snot instead of crazy dreams.  The dreams are much less likely to make you dizzy, I think. 

It's the end of the school year, and since I hate having to drag kids out of their summers to test them, I have been scrambling to grab them during this last week of school.  Only problem is that this is when my campus is having field trips and honor assemblies and what-have-you celebrations.  So the times I can pull kids is limited by that.  Plus, there's some guy in my frakkin' office grading benchmarks.  He actually has his own office, but he's using mine for some reason, and spreading all the scan trons all about and then taunting me by leaving the door open.  So my stress level has been off the charts.  

Another reason I'm a little down is that it has become apparent to me that my husband is a better Mom than me.  It's true.  He's much more understanding and definitely less likely to lose his temper with Zane or give up trying to figure out what Zane is saying.  (quick tip:  "ten q" is "thank you")  This bothers me.  A lot.  The other day the daycare teacher was using her VERY FIRM VOICE to let me know that Zane has had some behavior problems, and I immediately felt like it was all my fault.  But it probably is!  I have NO idea how to do this parenting thing, and I've made mistakes.  So I'm a bad mom, in my own estimation, even though I'm probably repeating what I learned from my own mom.   Yeah, I learned to be a spaz from my mom! Xanax for all!   I am sure that I'm exaggerating somehow, but in my present mood I can't help it.  I just keep thinking of that scene in Parenthood where Steve Martin is yelling through a megaphone at his son, who is up on a roof shooting at people and hoping that Zane isn't completely traumatized by his childhood. 

Probably all I need is a good night's sleep.

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