Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentines Day is Every Day

We don't celebrate Valentines Day in my house. Oh, we used to, at least for the first couple of years of our marriage.  Just one year we decided that we didn't need to buy a card or present just one day out of the year as an expression of our love.  We could celebrate it every day.  So that's what we do. 

Anyone who tells you that relationships are easy is trying to sell you something. Relationships are hard work.  It can get downright messy for all concerned.  I think that the number one reason that people divorce is because the parties involved have an idealized version of what they think a partnership is all about. (I blame the romance novels.  Not everyone can be Fabio!)   If the person doesn't initially meet the idealized criteria, we all think that will change.  But a relationship, be it marriage or friendship or whatever, isn't made of what we want to see, but what is.  We do disservice to our partners by insisting that they fit a mold that was never made to fit anyone in existence.  Then everyone becomes disillusioned with each other and sometimes they end up going their separate ways.  Other times people grow up and accept their partner for who they are and then real love can grow.  When I got married, I had no illusions about my husband.  I think that he had some illusions about me, but I popped those bubbles pretty quickly.  There isn't time for illusion in our marriage, unless it's the kind of illusion that involves hobbits.  Or Fabio.

What Happy Couples Do: Belly Button Fuzz & Bare-Chested Hugs--The Loving Little Rituals of Romance

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