Decompressing

It had been a horrible business meeting. Lots of anger, accusation, and tears over who knows.  Drama. Territorial disputes over imaginary things.  I could feel the anger coming off of one person like a solar flare. The individual that she was really mad at was sitting right next to her, but there was no eye contact with that person. No, I got to have the fun, because I was sitting on the other side.  I got the evil eye. 

I ended up feeling personally attacked. 

I loathe passive aggressive behavior. It is unproductive in every situation. The real issue is never addressed, but by gosh, we all will suffer.  I am about positivity these days, and speaking up for myself. However, I am not in charge. So I had to listen while all that "stuff" was splattered on me.  When I walked out of the building and into the heat of the midday, I was still angry and tense, and I could hear myself muttering as I got into my car.  A cheeseburger was in order.  I went into the burger place and got in line, still feeling surly.  I realized that I needed to calm down before I went home, but how? 

And then I saw it. Through the window of the beer fridge. Shiner Bohemian Lager.  A wonderful and smooth beer, made in Texas. My favorite.  Should I have one?  I could say that I bought American, and not be lying. Should I have one?  I would have to wait for them to cook my food, anyway.  Should I have one?

Yes.  But I felt guilty about it. 

The teenager at the register was thankfully patient while I paid.  I was still having an inner dialogue about the beer issue. I put the beer down on the table and sat down. I stared at the bottle, a little bead of sweat on the neck. Nobody drinks beer before 5pm on a weeknight unless they are an alcoholic. Was I?  No. Where did this particular guilt come from?  I don't know.  Sometimes random things, a TV show, a movie, a book, becomes associated with an emotion, I suppose.  You carry it in the back of your mind, underneath a few scary childhood memories, and occasionally it jumps out like your garden variety boogeyman.

Bah.  

Live in the moment, I told myself.  I was off work and on my way home. I'd had a hard day, and I needed to sit and contemplate the wonder of things. One single beer was not a big deal. I picked up the bottle and took a sip. And another, just letting the taste roll over my tongue.  Every slow swallow took me one step away from the drama. The world did not looks so scary.

"Do you need anything, ma'am?" The manager asked me.  I took another sip.  She smiled.

"Are you decompressing, by any chance?"  .

I smiled. The idea that I might not be the only person dealing with other people's junk was the last push of distance I needed to break free of the horrible morning. Decompressing felt like the perfect word.  I smiled at her. She smiled back at me.

"Yes, I am decompressing," I replied, raising my bottle in a toast to her word choice.  I smiled at her. She smiled back at me.

"Take your time, then."  The manager walked back behind the counter, and I sat, and contemplated the wonder of things.

Interlude

I've been back at work for a couple of weeks now. I hit the ground running, which was a sign that my absence had been noticed and appreciated.  But as a result, I've spent my workdays facing a computer and typing, and not much else.  Not the best sort of situation, but that's what happens when you miss six weeks of work. It's easy to get caught up in the daily routines, and forget to enjoy the little signs that the world is a wondrous place.  I needed a reminder.

A ladybug was flying around my office this afternoon.  I wasn't sure how this creature arrived, but suddenly there it was, flying about.  I went back to my report, my typing the only sound in the quiet. 

Then the ladybug landed, right on the corner of my laptop, where I usually put my wrists while typing.  She(ladybugs are all "she" to me) wasn't a red ladybug, like I'm used to.  This one was pink, and apparently determined to get my attention.  I had to pause in my typing efforts, to avoid disturbing the pink ladybug.  I was entranced, work forgotten.

Since I was taking a break, I reached for my glass of water and took a long drink. 

And while I was drinking my water, I thought that perhaps my visitor might be thirsty after flying all this way to visit me.  I decided that it wouldn't be courteous not to at least offer a sip.  I put a small drop of water on my finger and placed it on the laptop near the the pink ladybug, (but not where it would short out anything).

I waited.

When the pink ladybug moved over to the drop of water and seemed to be drinking, I raised my glass in a toast. We sat there, quietly drinking together, insect and human.  I watched the pink ladybug finish her drink, wash her mandibles, and then sidle away from the water.  She sat quietly on the warmth of my laptop, and I sat quietly in my chair, and all was right with the world at that particular moment. 

The phone rang, and the moment was over.  I didn't see the pink ladybug fly away, but suddenly she was gone. If she had stayed, I would have attempted to carry her back out into the bright spring day, where she belonged.  Instead I whispered, "Thank you," and went back to my reports with a smile. 


 

I Play With Toys

The only time there will be a DC/Marvel crossover

Occasionally at work, I have to make phone calls.  I hate making phone calls,  but it's part of the job.  I have to call parents, other schools, or call doctor's offices, etc.

And I get put on hold.  It's not a pretty situation.  There's no really good "on hold" music these days, just commercials or silence.  It gets old.

I don't do well with waiting, I think I've mentioned, even under the best of circumstances.  I get bored listening to the music or commercials or whatever, especially if it plays more than once.

It's not as though I can do something else while I'm waiting.  I can't get up and run to the bathroom, or get a drink of water, or microwave my lunch.  I can glance at my computer screen, but I can't really work on a report or anything requiring concentration.  The second I get focused, the other person on the phone will want my attention.

I suppose that I could put the phone on speaker and then move around, but I'm a little afraid to do that.  I'm afraid that I'll hit the wrong button and hang up.  Or worse, that I'll forget that I'm on hold and burp or pass gas or something mortifying

So...I play with my desk toys.

I highly recommend desk toys.  Mine are little items that I've collected over the year.  A minion here, a ninja there.  Some toys I've "borrowed" from my son, whenever he lost interest.  People have given me some toys, such as my beloved Daryl Dixon(The Walking Dead) dolls--action figures.  I even have a few random Legos in my desk drawer that I occasionally take out and assemble.

I used to hide my toys.  I'm a professional, after all! That means serious business, with no time for frivolity.  Nose to the grindstone, and all that.

Except that I don't work well like that.  I need mental breaks in my day, just like everyone else.  If I choose to play with toys while I'm on hold, where's the harm?  Perhaps if adults played a little more often, maybe they wouldn't be so cranky all the time.  Maybe everyone needs a ninja.

Or a minion. Everybody needs one of those. 

Endlessly Random

I am back on the job as of August 1st, except that I am at my shiny new job!  I showed up bright and early for work yesterday with a tired smile on my face.  As I waited for one of my new principals to show up, I got to spend some quality time with a toad, and an actual hummingbird landed for a couple of moments to check me out!  I felt like I was in that scene in Snow White with all the animals and the singing.  Yes, it was sort of weird.  I liked it.  I felt very positive, just standing there with the birds and the toads.  I'm not used to feeling all positive and optimistic, but I think I could get used to that.

But I am still on Summer Time in my head...

I need a personal shopper.  Really.  Because I hate shopping.  Everything I like doesn't come in my size, the stuff that does come in my size is loudly colored, and I absolutely loathe meticulously going through racks looking for what I want.  It's downright humiliating for me, and I get very discouraged very quickly.  I'm also not brave enough to try new things. I need someone to go shopping with me, and at least give me a thumbs up or down at my outfit choices. I need someone to say "OMG!  That is the BEST color on you--you should really wear that color more often!" in a voice that is not at all condescending.  I like elegant clothes--clean lines and minimal fussiness.  It's one of the reasons that I love black.  Well, that and black tends to hide all the food stains on my chest. 

I have all these plastic glasses, because this is a clumsy family and I don't like cleaning up shards of glass. Is the phrase "plastic glasses" an oxymoron?   Some of the tumblers now have cracks in the bottom(Plastic cracks? When did that happen?)...except you can't see the cracks.  So I fill up a tumbler, not realizing that it's cracked, and set it down on a table.  And the inevitable happens, and there's a puddle.  That's how I figure out that the glass is now a recyclable item.  Seems to me that there should be another way to determine a glass is cracked, but it escapes me right now, because I am tired. 

Zane has announced that he will not be attending kindergarten this fall.  He's decided that he just does not want to go to school.   He does not want to do any work, he says.  I asked what he meant by 'work', but my child was fuzzy on that detail.  My boy would rather stay with his Mama at home and have all of my attention to himself, but of course, that's not how it is supposed to be.  I explained that he would have to go to kindergarten before he could move onto the first grade, or any other grade, if he didn't go to kindergarten.  Zane will be fine once he gets there and starts a routine.  He's just like me--new things freak him out a little, that's all.  Zane also told us that he will not be moving out, or ever getting married, because he doesn't want to leave us.  And Larry and I were beaming at our son and saying "Awwwww!" but in our heads we were both kind of hoping that he was kidding.   

Share some random with me!

Stacy is on a cross country move, but I'm keeping up the love


And then go see these lovely ladies, Shawn and Impulsive, for Talk To Us Tuesday, if you are inclined.

Summer at 5pm

Sweltering waves of heat

Chase the dust devils

As I walk across the baked parking lot,

Shoe rubber melting a trail behind me.

Global warming? Pfft!

Crank up that car A/C now!






Prompt:  Describe summer in your own words. Sorry this is late.  I've been working ten hour days and when I do get home, I am just plain tired and annoyed that I have to work ten hour days.  Annoyed doesn't really work for creative endeavors, at least not for me. I hope to be back to myself very soon! 

This weekend we're asking you to describe summer in your own words. Thirty-three of them exactly, of course. Good luck! - See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.xOLltQeo.dpuf

This weekend we're asking you to describe summer in your own words. Thirty-three of them exactly, of course. Good luck! - See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.xOLltQeo.dpuf

This weekend we're asking you to describe summer in your own words. Thirty-three of them exactly, of course. Good luck! - See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.xOLltQeo.dpuf

This weekend we're asking you to describe summer in your own words. Thirty-three of them exactly, of course. Good luck! - See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.xOLltQeo.dpuf

Just Another Tricky Day

Two of my coworkers* and I are eating lunch when the fire alarm goes off.  At first we thought it was a short, for the reason listed above.   Training won out, however, and we exited down the stairs, like good little citizens, and head to the parking lot with all the other people in the building.

And we wait to see who shows up.

A brief summary of my general workspace environment:  Everyone in my office is married.  All the women in my office have at least one child.  All the women in my office are over thirty.  We don't get out much.  We're often too tired, and we often have way too much to do. We don't usually get time to sit around.  This unexpected downtime was a chance for us to play a little.  We were just standing around, after all.  Yep.  Just a bunch of tired, overworked mothers, standing around.  Unsupervised.

(Loitering tends to make one feel all delinquent, have you noticed.?  No wonder teenagers love it so!)  

"I guess that we should move to the front of the building,"  one of us said(okay, that was me), as the fire truck pulled up.  "We can at least check out the hot firemen who show up, since we're out here."
A collective sigh from the group, which included the women from the business office, too.   They like firemen too, apparently.

"Why isn't there a calendar--the Hot Firemen of New Braunfels?"  Someone asked.  "Because that would totally sell out!"

The three of us pondered that possibility in silence as we walked toward the side of the building, where we had an unimpeded view of the fire truck.  Then we just stared.

"I like to see the firemen carrying the big hose," Coworker #1 sighed.  The three of us nodded dreamily.

"You know," I said. "You have to have a lot of stamina to carry that big of a hose."

We all shared a laugh, and continued our vigil.

We did not see any big hoses, but that did not really matter.  We just watched the firemen.  We were in our groove.

Then one of the pretty firemen approached to speak to our boss, (because all the other bosses in the building were probably still out eating lunch.). 

"Oooh...He has a tattoo!"  Coworker #2 exclaimed. "And bulging arm muscles!"

Another collective sigh from us, little oohs and soft aahs. 

For me, there was maybe a little wistfulness for days gone by, when the smile from a nice looking young man was gold, to be treasured on those days when the fat pants are required.  

Suddenly our Den Mother secretary was in front of us, handing us some paper napkins.

"I'm the drool patrol," she said, "Wipe off your chins, ladies!"

We laughed for a bit, and then each of us texted our husbands to share the story while we made out way into the building.  (There was no fire, just smoldering insulation from an ancient heating coil)

*My coworkers bribed me with cupcakes to preserve their anonymity. What can I say?  I'm a sucker for a good cupcake!

I am not a fireman, but I am a darn cute Lego!