Friday Funny

Perhaps not funny. Maybe just odd.

HEB is the main grocery chain here in Texas. They're a great place to shop, and they have coupons all over the store. For someone like me, who regularly forgets any coupons or actual grocery lists, that is a godsend.

Except that I am not exactly sure what a 'goat log' is. Guesses?

Endlessly Random

I am back on the job as of August 1st, except that I am at my shiny new job!  I showed up bright and early for work yesterday with a tired smile on my face.  As I waited for one of my new principals to show up, I got to spend some quality time with a toad, and an actual hummingbird landed for a couple of moments to check me out!  I felt like I was in that scene in Snow White with all the animals and the singing.  Yes, it was sort of weird.  I liked it.  I felt very positive, just standing there with the birds and the toads.  I'm not used to feeling all positive and optimistic, but I think I could get used to that.

But I am still on Summer Time in my head...

I need a personal shopper.  Really.  Because I hate shopping.  Everything I like doesn't come in my size, the stuff that does come in my size is loudly colored, and I absolutely loathe meticulously going through racks looking for what I want.  It's downright humiliating for me, and I get very discouraged very quickly.  I'm also not brave enough to try new things. I need someone to go shopping with me, and at least give me a thumbs up or down at my outfit choices. I need someone to say "OMG!  That is the BEST color on you--you should really wear that color more often!" in a voice that is not at all condescending.  I like elegant clothes--clean lines and minimal fussiness.  It's one of the reasons that I love black.  Well, that and black tends to hide all the food stains on my chest. 

I have all these plastic glasses, because this is a clumsy family and I don't like cleaning up shards of glass. Is the phrase "plastic glasses" an oxymoron?   Some of the tumblers now have cracks in the bottom(Plastic cracks? When did that happen?)...except you can't see the cracks.  So I fill up a tumbler, not realizing that it's cracked, and set it down on a table.  And the inevitable happens, and there's a puddle.  That's how I figure out that the glass is now a recyclable item.  Seems to me that there should be another way to determine a glass is cracked, but it escapes me right now, because I am tired. 

Zane has announced that he will not be attending kindergarten this fall.  He's decided that he just does not want to go to school.   He does not want to do any work, he says.  I asked what he meant by 'work', but my child was fuzzy on that detail.  My boy would rather stay with his Mama at home and have all of my attention to himself, but of course, that's not how it is supposed to be.  I explained that he would have to go to kindergarten before he could move onto the first grade, or any other grade, if he didn't go to kindergarten.  Zane will be fine once he gets there and starts a routine.  He's just like me--new things freak him out a little, that's all.  Zane also told us that he will not be moving out, or ever getting married, because he doesn't want to leave us.  And Larry and I were beaming at our son and saying "Awwwww!" but in our heads we were both kind of hoping that he was kidding.   

Share some random with me!

Stacy is on a cross country move, but I'm keeping up the love


And then go see these lovely ladies, Shawn and Impulsive, for Talk To Us Tuesday, if you are inclined.

Don't Squeeze the Free Knives, Please!

I am a lazy shopper.  In fact, I'll just pop that stereotype that all women love shopping right now.  I hate shopping.  Okay, if nobody else was in the store and everything was in my size and just the right colors, I might like shopping.  But I intensely dislike crowds, I don't like the color orange, and I am constantly frustrated by the fact that, in a city where the AVERAGE woman is at least a size 20, all of the clothing racks are full of size...2.  So I would rather not shop at all.  If I ever win the lottery, I'm just going to hire a seamstress to come over and make my clothes.  Skip the middleman and help the local economy.  I'm a giver. (I'm also going to have someone come over and do my hair and makeup everyday, but that's for another blog post.) 

Source: someecards.com via Erin on Pinterest

But we need groceries, and stuff like shampoo and soap, so I have to go shopping.  Like every lazy shopper, I head to Walmart, because it is less than a mile from my house. A couple of weeks ago, I was wandering the aisles, looking for salsa, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.  I sort of tuned it out at first, but my brain caught a word or two.

"...free surgical steel knife..."

What? 

I stopped in my tracks to be sure of what I was hearing. Walmart was giving away knives.  One per customer, must be over 18.  Form one line single file over in the bakery section, no shopping carts, please.  I'd heard them announcing free samples of food items before, but this was a first.  I didn't catch whether they were steak knife-type knives or Ginsu knives or machete-type knives.  But the idea that knives were being handed out at the local Walmart was stunning.

Were they doing background checks to make sure that the people receiving these knives were of sound mind?  Did a free steak come with these knives, so that you could test the knives for their cutting prowess?   Were the knives meant to cut aluminum cans before demonstrating that they could still julienne fries?  The knives were surgical steel, did that mean that they were for surgery of some sort?  I don't think that Walmart sells autoclaves for sterilizing surgical tools.  At least I hope not.

And what type of person wants just one knife? If it is a steak knife, it's supposed to come in a set, right?  I would feel sorry for a solitary steak knife, sitting in a drawer all alone.  Most knives seem to come in sets, at least the ones for kitchen use do.  I don't suppose that they sell Bowie knives in a set, but you never know. 

What is the weirdest thing that you've ever heard announced as a giveaway in a store? Share in the comments!