Friday, November 16, 2012

Kiss The Rain

Write on Edge prompt:  Weather can be a powerful catalyst in writing. Storms, sunny beach days, and days of rain can impact setting, plot development, and mood. This week, use rain as the inspiration for your fiction or creative non-fiction piece.  I was in a Billie Myers mood. This feels unfinished, but I am not sure where to take it from here. 


Drought had sucked the world dry, blowing the dust of dead things long dessicated into the tiniest of crevice.  And then one day, it began to rain.  When the first fat drops had plopped loudly onto the tin roof of her home, Elena had rejoiced. Laughing, she had scampered into the backyard, dancing as she pulled off her clothes and threw them on the grass. Racing through the rainfall, she remembered  hours playing in the rain, how the rain had whispered to her, her only companion. She washed her hair and body of the months of dust, and felt rejuvenated, like new.  The water flowed over her skin, like many hands caressing her body intimately while she twirled, feeling eyes upon her.  Elena fell asleep in the hammock underneath the protection of an oak tree, the rain falling around her. As she faded, she whispered a long-forgotten name.

A young man stepped out of the rain, his skin rippling as it took shape. He moved gingerly, as if unsure of walking, and made his way to Elena's side.   He stood a moment, watching her sleep, admiring her beauty.  A single drop of water fell from his fingers as he caressed Elena's cheek. Her eyes fluttered open, then met his.   They stared at each other a moment.  Elena's lips parted in a smile, and she opened her arms in invitation.  They fell into each other, mouths fused, as the rain fell around them.











16 comments:

  1. The contrast of the drought and the deluge was nicely done. Her joy was childlike in its completeness. I

    think maybe it would feel more finished if there was more of a hint about what he was, maybe he is the rain personified and her reaction gave him shape, maybe he's a water sprite, maybe he's a piece of madness? The line while she's twirling and feeling eyes upon her opens that door, I think.

    I enjoyed the read!

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    1. You're right, I should have added more about the man!

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  2. Love how you described her reaction to the rain. Very playful. Curious about the mystery man. Wish you had delved into him more.

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    1. I thought of all sorts of stuff right after I hit publish!

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  3. who is the man? this story...i could totally read more. so write more!

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  4. I think you have some good suggestions here about where you could go with this. I like the water sprite to go along with her playfulness.

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  5. I enjoyed the way you contrasted the tightness of the drought with the freedom and joy of the rain. It makes me wonder about him and their connection, especially with the part about rain having been her only companion. I think my favorite part was the image of her sleeping in the shelter of the tree.

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    1. Thank you. We are currently experiencing drought here, so rain is on my mind.

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  6. Elena's joy is easy to feel and fresh to read. Enjoyed the cryptic elements!

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  7. Nice. It felt like a kelpie or silkie story, without the ominous end.

    My suggestion would be to flip this from passive past tense to active. While I'm weird and I don't believe passive voice to be a buzz kill, I think in terms of your tale it weighs the action down. If/when you revisit, look where you're "had"s are. and adjust the past tense accordingly, and you'll have a stronger scene.

    Well done!

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    1. "your" not "you're". Grrr. Need more coffee.

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  8. This was beautiful. And romantic. Makes me love the rain!

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I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!