I came late to this motherhood gig. I'm closer to 50 than most moms with a four year old, and let's face it, I'm a bit set in my ways. It's been a horrendously long battle just to eliminate cursing from my conversational speech, because I am an impulsive speaker. The first thing that pops into my head is what usually comes out of my mouth. It does not matter that I am speaking to a four year old, the snark just pours out like whiskey. Occasionally, as some of these statements roll off my tongue, my brain is waving metaphorical hands frantically, screaming "REWIND!!!" It would be more helpful if my brained screamed that before I said whatever, but I'm a little slow on occasion.
Here are some of the things that I've said to my son over the last five years, at least what I can remember. I don't think that other mothers say these things to their children, but I can't help myself. I've probably said more, and worse, but I likely won't know it until my son decides that he needs therapy.
1. "If you don't behave, the police will come and take you away. And then they'll come back and play with all of your toys. And...they'll eat all of the cookies, too."
2. "Mosquitos only suck the blood of children who don't listen to their mamas."
3. "All the good superheroes wear pants."
4. "All that whining has probably made you very tired. I know that I'm certainly tired of it."
5. "Well, if you don't love me, then I don't have to buy you any presents for Christmas. Or food. You can sleep out in the back yard, too."
6. "You are not allowed to bring ninjas to school. It's a rule."
10. "It is not fair to the other children if you get to use the Force and they don't."