Friday, December 9, 2011

Red Writing Hood: The Doorbell

Prompt: We’d like you to craft a piece of fiction or creative non-fiction around the holiday season, keeping in mind that for some people “the holiday season” begins around Halloween and doesn’t end until well after the New Year is underway.
The piece should begin with “The doorbell rang” and end with “snow began to fall.”
This is fiction, and is sort of connected to this piece and this piece.


The doorbell rang. My tattoo felt hot on my skin, and I knew. I sighed heavily, wiped at my puffy eyes, pulled my robe closed, and shuffled downstairs. As I opened the door, I could hear the voices of carolers drifting in the cold air.

The man that I would love with my last dying breath stood there. Boone. The dragon who had ripped my heart from my chest with his sudden departure two months ago. The heat rolling off of him had melted all of the snow around the front door; I looked up to find Boone's green eyes glowing, his face haggard.

I bit my lip, willing myself not to cry in front of him, and moved toward the living room. He followed. I stood awkwardly in front of the Christmas tree. I clenched my teeth; my emotions were too raw for conversation. I wanted to just scream out my heartache; instead, I kept my eyes down. Boone reached out and wrapped his hand around my wrist, pulling me closer. His touch made my dragon tattoo writhe like a living thing. I cried out at the sensation and then I was pulled into his arms. He was still so much a part of me. My arms knew exactly where they fit to hold him close.

"You are in danger every second that we are together," Boone whispered into my hair. "You know my secret; you know what hunts me and my kind."

He pulled away, lifted my chin so that our eyes met.

"But I simply cannot be without you. I don't want to leave your side ever again. I love you, Z."

I pulled away from Boone and turned toward the window. My tears, and the snow, began to fall.


I can't keep writing about these characters using only pronouns! I like the name of Boone for the guy character, but I'm having trouble with the name for my heroine. Any suggestions?

9 comments:

  1. You know, this sounds so much like Twilight! But, i loved the last line... "My tears, and the snow, began to fall." it is so sad, this line.

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  2. I can feel the connection between them, and I hear you on the pronoun front.

    A little, tiny thing I noticed, and it's really preference more than right/wrong, but I think you could drop some of your "helping verbs" and give the interaction between them a greater sense of urgency.

    Ex. I clenched my teeth; my emotions were too raw for conversation. could be: I clenched my teeth, my emotions too raw for conversation.

    There are a couple places like that, but like I said, it's more of a preference than anything that's incorrect!

    (Also, I like the name Boone.)

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  3. I definitely want to hear more of this story - good job drawing us in! I was curious as soon as you mentioned her tattoo.

    I also like the name Boone. And for some reason the name Mara just popped in my head.

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  4. I loved this! I like where you describe the dragon tattoo is becoming a living thing. I could almost feel that! Great job. Love the name Boone as well, but I barely got my kids named much less a character. Good luck!!!

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  5. I have to think on this... A woman's name starting with a Z. I had a cat named Zoe.

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  6. I love these pieces! I'm always happy to see that you've given us a little bit more. You really should think about writing some for us when you don't have a word limit... I need more than just 300 words!

    I love this part especially-- "The man that I would love with my last dying breath stood there. Boone. The dragon who had ripped my heart from my chest with his sudden departure two months ago. The heat rolling off of him had melted all of the snow around the front door; I looked up to find Boone's green eyes glowing, his face haggard." I feel like I'm there... and although this is a story about a dragon and a tattoo that moves, it feels totally relatable!

    For the name... Zenna means The Living. It might be fitting for her. (I'm into meanings behind names, which is why it took me way too long to decide on names for my kids!)

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  7. Lol, I thought Z was her name from the "I love you Z." I thought she
    went by Z because her real name was something goofy like Zinnia.

    I had to go read the other stories for these. I like these characters
    and would love to see more.

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  8. Oooh, they're finally getting names!

    The name Zafira means "success or victory" in Arabic, and it has an exotic flair...

    I like the significance of the tattoo here. And the everyday holiday trappings in the midst of a dangerous, urgent, and otherworldly confession of love.

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  9. oooh...very intriguing! I liked where you took this prompt...especially liked the line of the tattoo "coming to life"

    For some reason, Zara came to mind...

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I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!