Friday, July 29, 2011

Red Writing Hood: Revision

Prompt: Go back in the archives and pick a fiction or nonfiction piece. Perhaps something you posted on your blog, or an old Red Dress Club prompt? Find something that you're proud of, but something you haven't read for awhile. Do a complete overhaul. Okay...so I am trying for poetry. No, I never actually touched lightning. I did however, stick a hair pin in an electrical outlet when we lived in Germany. It was a bit of a let down, for obvious reasons.

Originally published 2-9-2010.

As a child
I could reach
into the sky
and hug the lightning.

The bright currents
passing through
the tempestuous clouds
called to me.

I would step outside
embrace the electricity
and move swiftly
through the darkness.

Belief sustained me
tingling under my skin
until I felt as
illuminated as the angry sky.

My storm has passed
yet the sparks of me
have coalesced
to become my son.

6 comments:

  1. I liked both versions! And I absolutely loved how you turned a narrative into poetry...very nicely done. I love the last stanza best..."the sparks of me have coalesced to become my son." Such a beautiful thought and beautifully worded! Very nice job.

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  2. I like how you took the original post and turned it into a poem, but it seems like it's from the same perspective. Either way I like it.

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  3. Ooh- narrative into poetry! Way to go woman!

    I love the phrase "hug the lightning." -It's so very visual and descriptive.

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  4. Oh yeah, that last stanza, its going to stick with me.
    Well done!

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  5. I adore this. Hugging the lightening. Our childhood ideals and dreams in our child's eyes.

    This was so lyrical and so right.

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  6. Your poetry is pretty much good. I liked each and very stanza you have written. you have beautifully written the article. I am waiting to see more interesting poetry's from you.
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I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!