Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Late Night Musings

When I was a kid, I thought that I could reach up into the sky and touch lightning.  Whenever there was a thunderstorm, I thought I could step outside, throw my arms out and embrace the power from the sky.  I had no inkling about electrical currents and voltage at the time--I just wanted to touch lightning, and I thought that I could. That was all there was to it.  With that kind of belief in yourself, you can conquer anything that comes along in life.  Kids thrive on that belief, as long as they know that their parents have that belief as well.  As long as someone believes in them, they thrive, even under the most horrific of circumstances.  

I don't know when that feeling of being powerful enough to hold onto pure electricity disappeared.  It just wasn't there anymore one day.  Maybe it was hearing my dad tell me that I wasn't intelligent, maybe it was all the moving around we did, maybe it was being teased by other kids because I didn't fit in somewhere, or maybe it was just my trust in myself that disappeared.  For whatever reason, at some point I stopped trusting that I could handle all the tribulations of life.  That's when I became afraid of the thunderstorms, and afraid of lightning. 

Every now and then I try to recapture that sense, that almost sacred feeling, right down to the marrow of your bones, that all you have to do is want and it can happen.  I know that I came as close as possible to that feeling when my son came into the world.  I intend to do all I can to make sure that he knows this feeling of power/confidence in himself.  And I hope that he keeps it with him his whole life.

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