A Little Toilet Humor

A comedian named Bill Engvall once told us that stupid people should wear a sign explaining that they suffered from such a malady, just for our convenience. His reasoning was that if they were wearing some indication of their affliction we would not rely on them to help us.  I completely agreed with Mr. Engvall.  It is very difficult to get productive answers from some people, who are not endowed with common sense. We all know this.   

I found this sign in a bathroom, and I had questions.  Questions about why someone might feel a need to flush a toilet in a public place for an extended period of time, for instance. Did they think that holding down the handle for so long would mean that their deposit would move more quickly out of sight?  I wonder what that said someone might do in said public facility when their attempts to dispose of the "evidence" come back to haunt them. Certainly it was not anyone's intent to deliberately flood the restroom, but accidents happen.  Did they immediately run, to avoid getting their shoes wet?  Or did they stand there, shocked beyond thought, while the water quickly swirled out of the bowl and around their feet?   I think that such an event would warrant a trip back home to change shoes, at least.   

I also wonder how the sign makers arrived at the exact conclusion of three seconds.  Did they break out the stop watch?  I would have. Did they stand by with a mop, clipboard, and pencil, encouraging another person to "just hold down that handle for FIVE seconds now, okay? GO!!!" Did they draw straws, or do paper, rock, scissors, to determine who got to clean up after the experiment?  Was a lawyer consulted on the wording of the sign, so as to avoid lawsuits?  How would a lawyer bill for such advice?  I think that he or she should have only billed for three seconds, but I'm sure the American Bar Association would disagree.

The mind boggles, or at least mine does such boggling.  Because you know that somewhere, someone, did cause this particular toilet to overflow by holding down the handle longer than necessary.  Something happened, some squishy event occurred, necessitating the need for this sign. 

Whatever it was, I hope that it was as hilarious as I imagined it was.

I Didn't Try That Hard

Miriam sashayed confidently toward the podium. I tried a frantic pantomime.  Miriam's glamorous dress was jammed into the back of her underpants. As far as that overinflated ego was concerned, I was a ghost.

The video was a hit on YouTube.




Yeah, I don't know where that came from.

What's in a Name?

"They" say that location is everything in business. 'Location, location, location' is the mantra. It is very true the the location of a business is vital to a business' success. It's not a good idea to place an ice cream parlor next door to a Weight Watchers, for instance. Or a lingerie store next to a store that sells bible.

There is more to a business' success than just the location. There is a lot of effort and hard work put into the success of every business. Owners put their hearts and souls into making lots of money by selling us cakes, books, coffee, cars, etc. But there is one more thing that needs to be considered with great care: The Name.

If the name of a business is conservative, like Walmart, then the owner may not need to advertise very much to bring in customers. However, there are a number of businesses who seem to feel that the name of their business should reflect the owner's philosophies. Sometimes this backfires.

There is a hair salon called 'Shear Faith'; apparently it is advised to pray before you get your hair 'fixed'. A barber shop with the name 'Chop it Up' brings to mind Sweeney Todd. I expect to see that particular shop on the news, but I'd be more concerned if this barber shop was located next to a restaurant. Rounding out our tour of hairy joints, we come to 'Hare We Are'. They spelled hair incorrectly, and they made a bad pun in the process.

On the other end of the spectrum, there is 'Health Camp'. That is the name of a burger joint in Waco, an establishment that has been serving burgers and fries since 1948. I would love to eat at Health Camp, just because of the name. I would actually overlook the location(Waco) to eat there. 'Holy Grounds' is a coffee shop that also sells Christian paraphernalia. Then, in Corpus Christi, there is 'Chubby's Mattress Store'. This name gives a bit of sexual innuendo AND provides a place to pursue that innuendo to a logical conclusion.

Finally, we have stores with just plain regular names, like Rudy's BBQ, The Wash Tub, etc. In an effort to boost sales, these places will often place pithy sayings on their marquee instead of the special. Rudy's certainly got my attention with it's "Beat the heat with a half pound of meat!" A meat market in town has the slogan "Nobody beats our meat!". The Wash Tub was advertising '10$ Handjobs' the other day. Those signs certainly got MY attention!

My very favorite sign of all time can be found on the I-37 road to Corpus Christi. It's a sign the government put up, and I imagine that they giggled while they worked. If brawny construction workers can legally giggle. Choke Canyon State Park is at exit 69. There's some sexual innuendo in there, easy to miss. It makes me wonder if the people laying out the road deliberately made it so that that particular exit would be 69.

What signs do you find in your area that are funny, odd, risque'? I wanna know!