Trust Issues--Fiction

"Will you catch me?"  That had been their game together.  Before each leap off of the monkey bars, Callie would holler those words at Jason, and he would catch her, even though they were five.

"Will you catch me?" She'd sang them as she leapt from the diving board into the pool one summer when they were ten.

"Will you catch me?"  She'd whispered them the night she'd climbed out of her bedroom window, when they were seventeen.  They'd tumbled into love as easily as they'd tumbled into friendship, and Callie thought that they'd always be together.
 
Will you catch me?  The words came from another time, but Callie heard them again, as if they were now.  She sat on a log amid a mass of dead leaves and stared at the road.  Will you catch me?  It had been a long time since she'd been back here, but nothing had changed.  Their last time together was still an open wound in her heart, and Callie bit her lip to bring herself back to the present.

Jason had always answered 'yes'.  He'd always been there for her.  Until he wasn't.  And Callie had been falling ever since.

Without Jason to anchor her, Callie had drifted so very far from who she was and who she wanted to be. She loved him, but she was determined to forget, and to move on. It had been ten years of silence then. Her own self-loathing had kept her away when she might have relented. But one day she knew that she would never recover herself as long as she stayed in Phoenix.  Because she still loved him. She needed to forgive herself, and she needed to forgive Jason.  There was no changing the past, but what about the future?  So she wrote him a letter, her heart in each and every word.  Then she came back home to wait.  Will you catch me?  

Callie heard the sound of the car's engine long before the car pulled into the parking lot next to where she sat, and her relief brought her tears to the surface.  The door to the car opened and Callie's heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jason. She stood, head down, as he walked around the front of his car and stopped.  She waited.  Finally, his hand was underneath her chin, lifting her gaze to his own.

"No more, Callie," Jason's voice was firm, his eyes cold. 

It was the answer she had expected, but to hear him say it opened the floodgates on her grief. She fell to her knees, the dead leaves swirling around her. 

"Callie," Jason continued, his voice softer. "He doesn't even know who you are, and you're his mother.   Before I forgive you for anything, you need to meet your son. Come home to us. For good this time."

The A-List: Romance

Let me start this blog post by saying that I'm not someone who has to be constantly validated in order to feel loved.  I don't fall apart if my husband doesn't call me 14 times a day.  I don't expect flowers or gifts at every turn. (I'm not going to say "no" to presents, because I'm not completely insane, I just don't expect them.)  I don't remember the exact moment that I first laid eyes on my man, and I'm sure that I don't have the date of our first date correct, either.  Larry probably remembers those little events better than me.  Also, since I'm a bit tactile defensive, I'm not a touchy-feely person, either. 

I still have a bit of a romantic streak in me.  Oh, it's not a big streak, but it is there.  Everyone wants love, no matter how they express it.  Here are my five favorites to bring more romance into a relationship.  Romance is not about the grand gestures, but the small details, like saving the last donut for your sweetie-pie, instead of scarfing it down yourself.  If you have any tips of your own, please put them in the comments!

1. The 'L' Word.  Some people use this word all the time.  Every five minutes they're saying that they love you, they love their dog, they love their mother.  Love is a wonderful emotion, indeed, but I have to wonder about a person who tosses the word around so casually.  Why are they saying it so much?    To quote a famous movie, I don't think that it means what they think it means.  Love is an important, momentous event in a person's life.  It's not ketchup, bought cheap, and applied liberally to cover a culinary flaw.  Don't say it if you don't mean it.

2. Think. The brain is the sexiest part of the human body, but it is not used often enough.  Think about the object of your affections.  Picture them in your life.  Use the "we" of a couple, not the "I" of the individual, when speaking of them.  Visualize the person you love as they are, warts and all, in your life, and think about all of the reasons that you love them.  Do this at least four times every day. Occasionally, you might want to tell your partner some of what you've been thinking, but it's not a 'have to' sort of thing.  Fantasize about them a little, too.  A little imagination goes a long way toward passing the time at staff meetings. 

3. Show Me.  One of my favorite lines from a movie is "When you gotta shoot, shoot.  Don't talk." It seems that there are people out there who think that all they have to do is talk about love.  No.  It's not enough to tell a person that you love them, you must show them.  The behavior must match the words.  If you love a person, then your behavior toward them should reflect that.  Telling a person that you adore them while sitting on the couch playing computer games doesn't mean nearly as much as telling them while holding their hand or rubbing their cankles.  If you're going to tell a person that you love them, then be prepared to show them. 

4. Pay Attention.  I listen to my husband when he talks. I watch what he does.  I pay attention to his likes and dislikes. If there is a particular food that my husband likes, I will buy it for him. When Larry looks like he needs some "alone" time, I give it to him. If he says that he likes a particular movie, and I know that movie is coming out on blu-ray, then I purchase that movie for him.  If it makes him happy, and it is within my means to do something about it, I will. No mind reading necessary, just a little attention.  Being considerate of your partner goes a long way toward making life smooth for both of you, even if all that means is remembering to leave the toilet seat down. 

5. Little Things Add Up.   Little, nagging, annoying things, like forgetting to put the lid on the toothpaste, that don't normally bother us, build up, and they can explode into huge fights.  Stress gets us all, and we have to fight back in order to keep our relationships on an even keel. There's a reason that successful couples have Date Nights, where they hire a sitter and spend time together.  Making time for your relationship is important, because most parents find themselves in a triangle--You-Me-Baby at some point.  Children were never meant to be the center of a marriage.  Marriage is a partnership, not a menage', but people get caught up and forget.  Date night is a structured way of re-establishing your coupledom. Make time for each other, even if you don't do anything more than watch a movie together after the kids go to sleep.  It's 'WE' time!  It's about remembering all those little reasons why you fell in love in the first place.

Love is a Verb

Lots of people are going to be talking about love today. They will be writing cutesly little love notes, and really bad poetry. (Okay, and some good poetry as well.) There will be proclamations of love from rooftops, and not a few marriage proposals. I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day, probably due to some earlier traumas related to always being the one kid/teen with no valentine on February 14th. But I am not here to rant about my childhood.

All this talk about love, as I hear it, is about Love as a noun. A noun, in the vernacular of Schoolhouse Rock, is a person, place, or thing. I disagree with that concept. Love is NOT a noun. A noun is pretty useless once you get out into the muck that is Life. Love is a verb.

Actions(Verbs) speak louder than words(nouns) when it comes to love. If you love someone, it shows up in your actions. We don't just talk about it; we DO for people we love. We make them breakfast. We put an extra cookie in the lunch that they take to school. We make them chicken soup when they are ill. We take a ballroom dancing class even if we have two left feet. We listen to detailed and minute histories of various comic book heroes we have never heard of. We hold their hands when they are sad. We hug them when they are grieving. We do these things because, even when it is difficult, we know that DOING these things will let the object of our affections know that we love them.

In the classic movie, The Princess Bride(If you haven't seen it, go get it and watch it right now. I'll wait.), Wesley doesn't talk about his love for Buttercup. He shows her how he feels instead by his actions; even when she insults him, he just says "As you wish." I think that is one of the best examples of showing that you love someone instead of saying that you do.

We get caught up in the hype of hearts, cutesy greeting cards, and--I'll put it out there--chocolate, and forget that it is our behavior that counts, far beyond our words. And it's no excuse if you don't have a sweetheart; there are lots of people out there dying for someone to show them any love at all--the homeless, disabled people, and abused children, to name a few.

So today, on this day dedicated to Love as a noun, make a promise to yourself to see Love as a verb. Define your love by your ACTIONS. Don't just talk about it, DO.