A to Z: Virginity is Overrated

Virginity used to be a big deal. Way back before electricity, when women were deemed property and traded for land and cattle, a virgin was extremely valuable.  Virginity was considered to be the mark of a superior woman.  People who were not virgins were considered to be inferior, and they were used accordingly.  Women who, usually through no fault of their own, were not virgins, were considered used goods, to be tossed aside or viewed as "less than".  They were considered to be "fallen" women. 

Women.  Not the men.  If a guy loses his virginity, he is applauded, as if he had won a prize. He gets a pat on the back from society,  while the girl is treated like a used hanky.  There's a distinct double standard here that hasn't ever really gone away, no matter how far women's rights have advanced. This chaps my backside.

There are all these father-daughter virginity clubs popping up everywhere these days.  The girls in these clubs promise to remain chaste until they marry.  It's all over the news, and it's a bit creepy, but people seem okay with it.  However, I have yet to see any of these chastity clubs requesting male members. What message does that send? Why is it only the girl's job to keep her legs closed?  It takes two to tango, they say--even it's offered, a person can still say no.

The double standards need to go.

Let's stop making virginity such a big deal for teenagers.  Let's stop associating virginity with being "good", and all those awful implications.  Instead, let's explain the facts of life clearly, from a medical perspective, and then be available to answer questions as needed. There's no need to try to insert those certain values about good and bad into sex education.  Knowing what sex is doesn't mean that your teenager is in any hurry to go out and have sex.  Show a little trust--most teens have other things on their minds, contrary to the media.

If your daughter or son admits to having sex before they are ready, be supportive.  Don't judge.  That's not what kids in that position need. Things happen, and teenagers are not likely to think about consequences until afterwards. It will be difficult for me, if it happens to my son, this not judging thing. I would rather he wait until he is mature enough to handle sex and all that it entails, so I may yell at him a little.  But I won't love him any less because he is no longer a virgin, and I won't heap on any guilt over it.  That would not change if my child happened to be a girl.

That is the way it should be.

Darth Vader is the Good Guy?

My son and his father have been watching various Star Wars movies and television shows. They have not seen the newer movies, episodes 1-3, because my husband has a very real fear that Zane will decide that Jar Jar is totally awesome, and Larry loathes Jar Jar with the passion of a thousand white-hot suns. The two of them have also been watching The Clone Wars, and occasionally I catch part of the show.

The Star Wars movies, and the animated series The Clone Wars, are directly marketed to kids. Anakin Skywalker is the hero of the animated show, as far as I can tell. For those who are not acquainted with the story(or those who think that George Lucas should have stopped after the first three movies), Anakin Skywalker, Luke's daddy, becomes...Darth Vader. One of the archetypes of evil.

Yep. The biggest, baddest, evil-est dude in that galaxy far, far, away...is a hero to millions of kids out there. Kids who haven't made the connection between the name Anakin and Darth Vader. What happens when they do make that connection?
This is a super-heavy concept, this idea of a holy warrior ultimately throwing everything away and killing everything in his path to embrace evil, aka the dark side. There is no true happy ending for Anakin. Even if he was ultimately redeemed by his son, Darth Vader spent his life doing many evil things, and he never had a second thought about it, at least not before Luke showed up.

The first three Star Wars movies delineated good and evil perfectly. Everyone knew who was on 'the Dark Side', and there was no doubt. The boundaries were clear--this was good, and this was bad. Darth Vader was very obviously on the bad side, and his very being exuded his evilness, even from the rows of a darkened movie theater.

We had moral certainty. Darth Vader=Evil

But that second trio of movies threw a hitch in there: it turns out that Darth Vader hadn't always been evil. No, Darth had started life as an adorable little blonde kid who grew up to be a Jedi, a hero. He wasn't really bad; he just became that way, at least as far as the movies were concerned.

Our moral certainty went out the window. It went out the window and made a horrific sound as it hit the pavement.

Yet, at some level, we understood the meaning, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Anakin's journey to the Dark Side began with his intentions of doing good things. Many of us out there have been faced with similar choices, minus the light sabers. Does that mean that we are evil? If so, can we be forgiven?

At some point, my son is going to make the connection, that Anakin=Darth Vader=Evil?. It may be a traumatic realization for him. Of course, I hope that my sweet boy doesn't have his epiphany until he is much, much older. I really don't know how I will answer his future questions; I haven't answered those questions satisfactorily for my self. I would like a little more time to find some answers that make sense.