How To Talk With Your Child's School

In the back to school chaos, some things get forgotten.  It's nobody's fault; there's supplies to purchase, drop off/pick up times to arrange, and lunches to pack.  Even when parents come to "Meet the Teacher" events, there's often so many other parents there that the teacher can only spare a moment or two with each person.  A number of teachers hand out an informational sheet which lets parents know about general rules, homework, and they may provide a phone number or an email address at that time.  Parents rarely think that they will have to contact the teacher, for any reason.  The expectation for most parents is that the school year will run smoothly, and they won't have to use that teacher's number or email.

Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen.  

The best communications between school and home are purposeful, focused on the child, and end with everyone feeling that they were heard.  Over my years in public school, I've spoken with many parents. I've seen what gets results and what does not.   There are a few tips for successfully communicating with your child's school.

Work WITH the school, not against.  Believe it or not, your child's school has a system in place.  Kids having problems with learning or behavior are identified by teachers and interventions are put into place to address those. Sometimes a little attention is all it takes to get a child back on track, sometimes more is needed. Those decisions by a school are based on data, such as test scores, observations, etc.  The goal is to intervene just enough to help without limiting the child's ability to learn independently.  

Listen.  I've had parents walk into meetings already angry and screaming.  Nothing happens when people are screaming; it is too loud to think, let alone talk. 

Ask Questions.  If you don't understand, ask.  If it's not explained clearly, ask again.  You have the right to understand what is happening in the education of your student.

Speak positive. Find the good.  It's right there in front of you.  Is your kid happy?  Does he or she like school?  That's a good thing.  Point that out.  Start your concern with a positive. For example:  "My child loves coming to school every day, Ms. Fisher.  She loves your class.  I have a concern about the amount of homework, however.  Can you explain the policy to me, including accommodations that might be available?" 

Follow the chain of command. Nothing makes me angrier than being blindsided by a problem I didn't even know I needed to fix.  If a parent has a problem with something I said or something I did or didn't do, then I am the person to talk to first.  It's the same with teachers.  Talk to the teacher first. An email works better than a phone call, but if all you have is time to text, that's great.  

If the teacher does not respond,  make another attempt, then contact the principal.  Ask for a meeting politely and schedule that meeting.  Show up for the meeting with data--emails, work samples, etc.  Speak your mind, ask questions, and discuss your ideas for a solution.  

Moms and Dads, your engagement with the school is necessary and a vital part in the success of your child, no matter who they are or where they are.  Schools, your engagement with parents is necessary and a vital part in the success of all children, no matter who or where they are.  

We are on the same team.  Remember that. 

 

  

I Have No Idea

At Zane's school, they take pictures of the kids engaged in art activities.  I'm missing out on huge chunks of my son's life while I'm a slave to a paycheck,  so I like this idea.   It would be nice if more classrooms did this, but considering the general lack of funding for education, I'm not holding my breath.

The teachers ask the kids about what they are working on and type that up as a quote to go with the picture.  That's where I get sidetracked, because often the quote does not match the picture at all. In the picture above, for instance, Zane is coloring an unidentifiable picture, and he says, "Mine is big."

What the heck is that boy talking about?  

What, exactly,  is big?  The picture?  Is this some sort of new four-year-old slang?  I don't get it.  I used to get it.   I hate that I don't get it.  Is this what I have to look forward to, this not having a clue what is going on?  I used to pride myself on being able to figure things out, but apparently that ship has sailed.  I am afraid that one day soon I will be sitting in a room, surrounded by teenagers, and be unable to understand a word any of them say. 

How Plain Does Plain English Need to Be?

Larry stayed home with Zane yesterday, both of them sick with a stomach bug. I went to work, since the evil bug did not hit me until later in the afternoon. I got a text from Larry.

"What should I feed Zane?" it says.

"Plain bread, crackers, plain pasta" I texted back.

"What kind of pasta?" comes the reply.

"Macaroni." I text.

"Being specific is helpful." he shoots back.

"I AM being specific. Plain macaroni noodles." I type. Who doesn't know this stuff? My husband, apparently.

"With cheese? Kraft? Adult? Kids?" comes the reply.

"PLAIN NOODLES." My eyes are rolling so far into the back of my head that my coworker was concerned that I might be having a seizure. And to be honest, I wasn't sure myself. But SURELY, this time, he got it, right? No.

Your specificity leaves much to be desired." was the response. And I had had enough.

"Ask your mother." I texted, proverbially passing the ball. I figured that since she raised him, she could explain it to him.

Marriage Secret

My beloved and I were arguing the other morning while on the way to work. We were arguing about something extremely vital and important to any marriage: football. Specifically, whether it had been a good idea to fire Wade Phillips now or if they should have waited until later. Larry got a bit emotional, as most men do when the topic is sports.

"I don't want to argue about this," I finally said.

"Good, because I would totally win, because I am right," my husband responded happily. We changed the subject, but I thought later that my wonderful husband, as smart as he is, missed the point.

Marriage is one of those big pictures made up of many tiny pictures. There is always more going on in an argument than the actual topic of discussion, and in a good relationship there is so much more than who wins an argument. Lots of stuff in the undercurrent of an argument, and it's easy to forget that in the heat of the moment. Those of us who want a marriage to succeed have to take a long-term view of any argument and ask ourselves what we're fighting for, the happiness of our spouse, or just to be right. There are a LOT of lonely people out in the world who couldn't/wouldn't let go of that need to be "right".

I don't have to be right all the time, and I want my husband to be happy. And to be honest, most of our arguments are matters of opinion, not fact, which to my mind means that we are both right. So it's not a hardship or a competition for me to let my husband be "right" when we have an argument. We always agree on the important things: we love each other, we love our son, and we love our family. The rest is small potatoes.

Drive-thru Communication

When someone tells you to pull up to the bush and they will have 'it' right out to you, well...you really can't blame a person for at least a brief misinterpretation.