Put On Your Big Girl Panties

Some of Trump's supporters are hoping to have some of the votes from the Electoral College tossed out this week, because they do not want to face the very scary idea that someone else won the election.  Change is scary and most people are terrified. They want things to stay the same, especially if their behavior and actions were dictated by the idol.  Trump's toddler antics gave some people the idea that it was okay to be a jerk, and now there will be consequences, some severe consequences. 

The flag of the Confederacy was banned in several places, and statues to Confederate soldiers are coming down, or being moved.  It has always seemed bizarre that statues of the losers of a war would mean so much to people that they are willing to do violence over it, but people are weird.  The idea that a change is necessary is beyond the mental limits of some people, and those of us who have moved on need to understand that.  We don't have to accept it, but we need to understand their fear of admitting mistakes and leaving the old ways behind.  Old dogs can learn new tricks, and if they can't they get left behind.  

I actually feel sorry for these individuals.  Putting faith in an idol like Trump, a dude from an 80s time capsule, does not seem like a good idea. Neither does worshiping a flag from more than a century ago.  Idols have an expiration date.  The trouble with presenting yourself as an idol is that eventually, people figure out that you're not "the" anymore.  Once that shine wears off, it's time to go do something else.  Nothing sacred about that. But admitting that somebody else won the election, participating in a new government that is not mired in hatred and narcissistic bigotry, just plain terrifies these men and women.  I don't know, maybe Trump has naked pictures of Josh Hawley and he's not afraid to release them to the press. I think all of it is stupid and unproductive. 

The election is over, the people have spoken, PERIOD.  End of story. Government servants elected by the people should do what the people have rightfully asked them to do. If they aren't willing to be the voice of the people they have no business in the legislature. Remember that golden idol the Jews made in the Ten Commandments, while Moses was getting the word from God? Nobody worships that cow anymore. It's time to say 'buh-bye' to Trump.  Time to let that flag go and move on. Eat your pancakes.  Change is here, whether you like it or not.  

Might as well put on your big girl panties and deal with it.  

I Kind Of Feel Gypped

I opened the box from Amazon and was overjoyed to find...bubble wrap!!!! Hooray!  I love bubble wrap.  I can spend a good twenty minutes just sitting there, poking each puffy circle, enjoying the sound of each pop. There's something satisfying about the entire exercise, almost akin to meditation for some people.

I don't even remember what else was in the box, I was so excited.  I put the box aside and curled up with the bubble wrap, listening to the the pleasant crinkle. Unfortunately, that's all I got to hear.  This was the "new fangled" bubble wrap.  The kind of new fangled bubble wrap that doesn't pop. 

I understand.  It's more important for the bubble wrap not to pop, as its job is to protect stuff that is being shipped all over the place.  Now it is reusable, which is good for the environment.  Meanwhile, it is not so important for the bubble wrap to entertain me for twenty minutes or so. 

I know that things change.  This may be an improvement.  I feel cheated, however, so I am going to mope a little.

The Next Generation

This is Zane and D, watching my nephew Tristan play soccer against St. Mary's University a couple of months ago.  D. is two days older than Zane, and they play on the same soccer team.  They've played on the same soccer team since they were three years old, and may continue to play together for years to come.  I didn't get to spend years and years growing up with other kids, because of the Army.  I don't harbor a grudge against Uncle Sam, but I don't really have a frame of reference on this aspect of my son's development. Part of me likes the idea of my son growing up with the same circle of friends.  I like the idea that he will build strong ties with other kids and will have that support system over the years.   I think that he will feel more secure and confident, because he will feel more comfortable.  I picture him playing soccer with D right up until high school graduation.  That's kind of cool, because I've never experienced that. 

On the other hand, I worry about stagnation.  Zane will grow up with the same exact group of students in his school each year until 8th grade, at least.  The same kids, the same personalities--the sameness bothers me.  One boy is already on Zane's "unfriend" list, and they're only in first grade.  Eighth grade will probably result in outright fisticuffs.  I don't necessarily see my son's learning and growth ultimately enriched by such sameness, although he does need to learn to get along with everyone, whether he likes them or not.  But I'm certainly no expert, since I did not have to deal with this situation.

Sometimes I wonder if things would be different, and if Zane would be better off in a public school. 

Diversity breeds open mindedness and adaptability.  I truly believe that my exposure to many different kinds of people and personalities over my school years prepared me better for life as an adult.  I became more proficient at meeting people, even though I am extremely shy.  I am more adaptable today because of our constant moving around.  I didn't have be everyone's best friend. I learned to stand up for myself.  I learned a great deal about people, and I learned more about myself. I think that I am more comfortable in my own skin as a result of my experiences. I am also more tolerant of the diversity of others, and accepting of different cultures, personalities, and lifestyles.

I want that for my son.  I look to the future, and diversity will be everywhere.  People who aren't able to adapt to change will not be successful, period.  I'd like to think that Zane will adapt, that he will be flexible and learn to get along with the times in which he lives.  But will he?  I can't say for sure.

How do you teach that?  Any ideas would be appreciated. 

Change the Tune

I used to spend a great deal of time reading about murderers.  It was a natural progression for me as a student of psychology, back in the 80s.  Serial killers like Edmund Kemper and Ted Bundy were all over the news. Aberrations, I thought. I wanted to know more. What makes people who murder different from people who don't?  What makes one person kill, while another person in the same situation can just walk away?  Is there a way to predict such behavior with any consistency? Those were some of the questions that I had when I began my 'research'.  I read books, I talked to people in law enforcement, I attended seminars, etc., until I could stand no more of the darkness, and there were no easy answers.

While certain things do increase the likelihood that one person will kill another, the reality is that the capacity to murder lies within each of us. That is not the happiest of thoughts, but it is truth. How could anyone bear that kind of responsibility without some horror? The good news is that until you make the choice to pull the trigger, there is nothing set in stone. You have a choice. Once you make that choice, there are consequences.  

I hear about these shootings, these murders, every day now, and I want to be angry.  These killers refuse to accept any responsibility.  It's all everybody else's fault, claim the shooter(s), and therefore demands for retribution are justified.  The gunman is pulling the trigger, but it's the victim's fault. I've heard that same line before. Bullies blame their behavior on their victims.  Abusers blame their abuse on their victims. Rapists blame their rape on their victims.

I want to be angry, but I just feel sad.

Every day a new shooting, another line crossed. We've seen these same stories on the news many, many times. We've become desensitized. We know the drill, and we also 'know' that nothing will change--the NRA, the ultimate bully, will whine about the government trying to take away guns.  The Tea Party will blame the liberals, and the government, crippled by partisan bickering, will do nothing.  There are always pundits blaming anyone they can find, inflaming the ignorant, without ever accepting any of the responsibility. We as a society just stop listening to any of it.  Until something more horrific happens.

We can keep listening to this music, this cacophony, or we can change the tune. 

Maybe we can't control the soulless machine that is the NRA, and we can't fire every single member of Congress. None of us have complete control over the world, but we can control how we respond to it.  If there is to be true change, it begins inside of all of us, and spreads outward to connect us.  We each have to take responsibility for ourselves, and own up to how our behavior, our choices might affect others, and change.  Standing up for the downtrodden, speaking for those with no voice, maintaining a civil discourse, voting the angry out of office--all begin within. Be the change, they say. Be kinder. Apologize when you are wrong. Smile more.

Change the tune. Sing a new song.

   

Zero Tolerance

Zane is speeding on a collision course with actual school.  He will start kindergarten next year.  I want him to make friends, and get along with his teachers and learn as much as he can.  I do not want him to be teased, or picked on, or told he is weird because he is different.  I want Zane to treat others with respect, peers and teachers alike, and I want others to treat him with the same respect. In other words, I do not want my son to be bullied or to be a bully.  At the same time, I want him to know that he doesn't have to meekly accept being treated that way; he does have options, which should only involve fisticuffs as a last resort. Any child should be allowed to defend themselves, if necessary.

Schools all over are preaching a no bullying mantra to all students.  No bullying, teachers say to students.  No bullying, kids say to other kids.  Although I think that this current attempt is laudable in many ways, I don't think that it will be very effective in the long run.  You can talk to kids until you are blue in the face about respect and bullying, but they will do what they see adults do, not what they say. 

How many people in the current workforce have been bullied by their boss?  How many have been yelled at, or made to feel less than, by someone above their pay grade? How many people have been told "You should be thankful that you have a job" when their workload triples?   How many people have been talked down to or belittled at work?  Why is it okay to allow bullying in the workplace?  Why is it okay for an administrator to call a teacher into his office and threaten them with job loss if their students don't score well on state assessments?  Why is it okay for an employee to be forced into a pay cut, and told he should just be grateful that he has a job? 

For that matter, why is it okay for Rush Limbaugh to make a living out of bullying?  Because that's what he does--he's a bully.  He doesn't actually have to come up with any original thoughts.  If Limbaugh, or others like him, don't like what another person, such as the President, has to say, they call them names and harangue them instead of arguing in the rational manner of intelligent people.  The Governor of Wisconsin essentially bullied people to get what he wanted; other governors have done the same, and nobody has called them on the carpet for it. 

The political extremism that exists in this country, at its heart, is pure bullying behavior.  This is certainly not a new phenomenon, but the message has always been the same.  If you don't believe what I believe, you are less, you are other, and I can do whatever I want to you in the name of my political party/my religion.   If my party wins, I can cut the funding for the projects you considered to be important as retaliation; if my party loses, I can spend the next four years making life miserable by fighting every single bill that might make any sort of difference.  I am convinced that all the vitriol about Obama's healthcare law has little to do with actual facts and more to do with retaliation for getting the bill passed in the first place.

Kids are exposed to this.  Kids hear their parents calling the President of the United States names that aren't very nice.  Kids hear their parents talking about what their boss called them that day.    Older kids may watch the news and other programs, and hear politicians hurling insults at each other.  What they hear and see doesn't jibe with what they've been told at school.  Since it's okay for Mom and Dad to call other people names and it's okay for politicians to scream at each other, many children will reason,  that this behavior must be okay.   How can we hold children accountable for bullying behavior when no one is holding the adults around them accountable? 

If we truly want bullying behavior to end, if we truly want a more respectful climate in the work world and in politics, then we need to hold everyone accountable for bullying and not just when they are at school.  That means no more tuning in to hear Rush call someone else a slut.   No more doing whatever you want to others just because you can.  We cannot expect our children to 'do as we say' and not do as we do.  We have to show them that we, as parents, will not accept bullying behavior from anyone. If there are friends or family members in your life who are negative and bullying, stop associating with them.  If you attend a church where the pastor spews hatred toward others, find a new church. If we stop giving money to politicians who are bullies, if we stop listening to Rush Limbaugh, if we start giving money to more positive causes, that will get the ball rolling.  We can also start treating each other with more respect.  These are little things, but each drop in the bucket brings it closer to overflowing. 

Changes

The one thing that everyone on the planet should know about cats is that they hate change. HATE it. In fact, most cats would rather chew up change, swallow it, hack it up as a hairball, then bury it in the back yard. Most days, I would have to say that I agree with their perspective, except for the hairball part. Ick.

But change does come to all, even cats.

On the day that our cat Tiger died, which was three weeks ago, the only cat in the house who seemed to notice was Pounce. She paced, she called, and she remained agitated for most of the day. I understood her angst; Tiger raised her from a kitten. Since then, she's been acting a bit schizo. Well, more schizo than the average calico.

Morris, being a boy cat, immediately moved downstairs and started rubbing his face on everything to mark it. He wanted to go outside and mark everything out there as well, including the neighbor's Pomeranian. The little dog did not appreciate being stamped with the Morris Seal of Approval, and that ended Morris' adventures outside. But he's become much more bossy since Tiger has gone.

And about a week after he passed, we found the kitten Zena wedged under the bed in the exact spot that we found Tiger. Pounce was stalking her. It took us a bit to get her to come out, but we did, and she's seemed okay since. I guess that she had to say goodbye in her own way.

Even Lalo, the feral cat who lives in the backyard, began pressing his face against the glass of our back door every chance he gets. He has been spending the night on our back step instead of his perch in a patio chair. He seems to be looking for something, and we think he's looking for Tiger.

Or food. You never can tell with cats.