Bigfoot Comb Overs

The hair on my head is falling out in hunks.  I'm afraid to comb it, or wash it, or even look at it in the mirror, because the second I do I'm holding a fistful of dark brown in my hands. Elvis is leaving the building.

Eye lashes, eye brows, too.

My friend Evil Laura, who is terrified of loose hair, asked me kindly to not send any to her.  I've only been threatening to do that since we were in college, because I was that crazy back in the day.  I got the idea from Ozzy Osbourne, who was reported to have shaved his head and sent all of his hair to his wife in a fit of pique. I assured my friend that I had no intention of sending her a random box of my hair at any point in the near future.  I'm not sure that she believed me, but I'm just so discombobulated about losing my hair that it never occurred to me. I'm not upset about my looks, I just didn't expect it to happen so fast.  

Larry's been very helpful in pointing out the bald patches, since I can't see the back of my head.  It was an opportune moment to explain to Zane what was happening, so he would be prepared.  Zane thought the whole thing was cool, and he helpfully grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled.  I let him; this is part of the process, and I want him to have a realistic picture, while shielding him from the worst parts. 

Why don't I just shave my head, like everyone else struck with this malady?  Good question.  Part of it is just sheer stubbornness on my part, because I was secretly an optimist, thinking that maybe I'd defeat the odds and keep my hair.  The other part is...we can't remember where we put the hair clippers.  They've disappeared, poof! in a box of something probably marked "kitchen supplies".  It's been that long since we've used it.

So my hair is falling out. I'll put on a hat or a wig and deal.

The hair on my legs?  THAT hair looks just gorgeous.  I don't even want to shave it, it looks so pretty.  The hair on my arms is looking downright svelte, too.  And my nose hair?  Growing like Rapunzel's locks right out of my nostrils.  In fact, I have found myself staring into the mirror lately, contemplating some very creative comb overs.  Like Bigfoot, perhaps I could disguise myself in nose hair and skulk quietly through my day.  I could start some sort of hair trend, Bigfoot chic? 

It could be bigger than the kerfluffle over Jennifer Aniston's hairdo.