Monday, September 15, 2014

Microfiction: Dead Man Walking

You're towering over me now, bloody knuckles still clenched. I must appear defeated; blackened eye, swollen lip, bruised heart. You believe I'm your plaything, knocked off an imaginary pedestal.

Your victim. 

Believe that.

I am not broken. You have to sleep sometime.


17 comments:

  1. I am having #allthefeelings reading this, like I want to clap and wave and hug you. Tight.
    I love the idea of treating him "the it" like a villain to defeat.

    That last line was perfect.

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  2. Chilling, but like Kir I want to cheer...

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  3. I've known several people who were in abusive relationships. I've personally been in a few verbally abusive relationships but never a physically abusive one. One of the last boyfriends I had before meeting my current husband started becoming physically threatening although he never actually hit me. I'm a big woman, but I was quite frightened. I was afraid he might kill me.
    http://openmindedsearchfortruth.blogspot.com/2014/09/gargleblaster-demiurge-responds-to.html

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  4. That image. That image of her lying there, broken, battered, but filled with strength, that is one powerful image. Wonderful response!

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  5. I suspect she may do more than escape. Perfectly written.

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  6. You convey the thoughts and emotions beautifully. Wonderful last line.

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  7. Great last line. As always, your words are perfect..

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  8. I like the purposeful intent of the last line reinforces the title. Great use of the prompt!

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  9. You always deliver a great zinger, Tina! I used to say, if anyone ever did that to me, that I would have a bat at the ready for when they went to sleep. So yeah, I relate to this in that way. Go get him, I say!!!

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  10. I love how you had her defeated, only to rise up at the end with her chilling pronouncement! Whoa.

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  11. oh man.. I'd like to see what happens once they're sleeping!

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  12. So much power in her tone. No weakness. No pity. No shame. Nice work.

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  13. SO GOOD!
    That last line has me all tingly.
    You made me want to show up with a bat and help...not that she needed it.

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  14. This is very relevant considering the NFL scandals going on! And, I hope it's obvious, I love a story about an abuse victim serving as her own champion! Great job with the imagery! -Melanie

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  15. Love it - there's great strength in your voice here.

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  16. I was surprised by the last line, and my heart surged at the chance for revenge. He certainly deserves whatever she'll bring. I know you didn't mention the he/she, but that's how I pictured it.

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