Wednesday, January 30, 2013

La Douleur Exquise

 This is fiction, Ma. 


The mouth of the cavern beckoned to Carina, surrounded as it was by lush vegetation and colorful flowers.   Luis was standing at the entrance, waiting for her to join him, his smile bright in the dimness.  Still, she hesitated.

"I really should get back, Luis," she stopped at the edge of the clearing.  Luis had invited all the healers to the cave, he said, so they might examine the mushrooms there.  Yet she was the only healer there.

"Please, you've come all this way," Luis's face was in shadow, so Carina could not see his eyes.  His voice seemed thicker, almost a growl.  "At least take a few mushrooms.  Then your trip will not have been wasted."

Carina considered this. The last time she and Luis were alone together, he had asked for her hand in marriage.  She did not love Luis.  Besides, her father had already arranged for her to marry another, and the entire village knew of this arrangement.  She would not disgrace her father by entertaining another marriage proposal and she had told Luis that. He seemed to accept her decision without argument. Why was she worried now?

"I will at least look," she decided.  Luis smiled and took her hand, his flashlight leading them into the cavern.  She was dazzled by the quartz on the walls reflected by the light, and allowed Luis to lead her farther into the recesses of the cavern.  When he stopped, she stared blankly at him.  Luis pointed to his feet. 

"Here are your mushrooms!" Luis announced brightly.

Carina gasped.  She fell to her knees and began harvesting those mushrooms.  They were perfect, and there would be enough medicine to provide for the village throughout the winter.

She turned to say as much to Luis, only to find him standing next to her, an enormous rock in his hands.

"La douleur exquise," Luis whispered, as he dropped the rock on Carina's head.  "If I can't have you, Carina, no one can."



The word prompt is mouth.

 

The prompt is La Douleur Exquise, which is French for "the pain of loving someone you can't have".

40 comments:

  1. Whoa! I was not expecting that ending!!!

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  2. Nice job! Even having a suspicion of where the ending was going I didn't expect it to happen quite like it did. Well done.

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  3. Good job of putting the prompts together. Did not expect that until the end.

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  4. Ugh. I didn't really like that guy at the first with his growly voice, but I didn't expect him to kill here. Poor Carina ... she should have known nothing good can be found in dank and dark caves. :)

    Visiting from WOE.

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  5. I knew he was up to no good-but I didn't see that ending coming either! Chills and shivers and a big well done!!

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  6. Oh no! I knew it wasn't going to end well, particularly with him hiding in the shadows and his growling voice, but I was hoping that Carina was going to make it out. I thought you did a great job of building the tension, this was one of those stories that I read with one eye open, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

    Seriously, how dark we all are this week!

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  7. Oh, no! That definitely took me by surprise, even though Luis was clearly a little off. Nicely done.

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  8. Okay, I had to read that twice because the ending knocked me on my ass. And you using cavern mouth was excellent. Bravo all the way around.

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  9. Whoa! And they talk about the fury of a woman scorned!

    [Not a fan of men named Luis, either]

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    1. I know! Those guys just can't be trusted.

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  10. Such a dark piece, the contrast of her honesty and honor and his greedy heart. I think there's something terrible about the idea of La Douleur Exquise and this is why.
    ~Angela

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    1. This immediately came to mind when I read the prompt. Creepy!

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  11. And this is why you should not go into caves with men whose marriage proposals you've just refused.

    HOLY MOTHER. I did not see that coming.

    Love that she was on her knees gathering mushrooms for medicine when he clocked her. Great contrast between good and evil.

    *shivers*

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    1. Carina was a bit naive, unfortunately.

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  12. bum-bum-bummmmm

    What a bastard! I hope he eats some poisonous mushrooms.

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  13. I thought he was suspect, but didn't expect his level of violence. Good job!

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  14. Murderous monster. You did a great job keeping his evil intent hidden until you were ready to spring it.

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  15. Ah but she could recover. He could believe she was dead and leave her there. She could regain consciousness and stumble from the cave, where her delightfully aloof betrothed could reluctantly nurse her back to health.

    I'm just saying, until it doesn't, it could still happen.

    Excellent job!

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  16. couldn't she hear me telling her "NOOOOOO, do NOT go into the cave!!!" ?

    :(

    well done.

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  17. You gave small hints that he was up to no good, but still the ending came as a shock (I'm sure it did to her, too!)

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  18. Ouch!She should have known better-never trust someone whose eyes you cannot see & who has had designs on you but been thwarted-definitely not in a dark cave;-)Loved the last line-morbid but just what my dark heart likes:-)Well done TMW!

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  19. Okay. Did not expect that ending. Way to leave us with a cliff hanger!

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  20. Ooh! Someone else went to the crazy side of unrequited love! Nicely done.

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