Friday, June 1, 2012

WOE: Waterfall

Prompt:  This week we’re going to play Victor/Victoria. If you typically write from the male perspective, switch it up to the female. And if you generally write female, go for the male.   I am not sure how I did here.  This is a different perspective of  a previous post. 


Sitting in his car, Boone scrubbed at his face, cursing aloud.  She had hurried past him on her way to the bar, yet she was somehow beside him.  The moment he had kissed Zenna, everything was different.  The new tattoo around his wrist began to burn.   He could not stop thinking about her.  Picturing the softness of her skin as he had held her face in his hands; his fingertips tingled.

Jaw clenched, Boone was out of the car and in front of the bar before he was aware of moving.  With his hand on the door, he cursed again.  Then he stepped into the darkness.  The smell of old cigarettes and beer assaulted him as he moved adjacent to the entrance.  Boone kept his back to the wall while his eyes adjusted.  The sound of a bottle of beer opening drew his eyes to the bartender...and Zenna.  Neither had noticed his arrival.

Her hair poured down her back, a waterfall catching what little light there was and turning it to gold.  He wanted to immerse himself in the deluge, feel it flow over his skin.  He stayed where he was only by force of will.  She was holding her wrist up, admiring that big diamond.  Damn. Boone's eyes narrowed, his teeth cracked; he should just go.  He turned away, then paused.

In the dim light of the bar, he saw it.  A red and gold dragon, coiled on her wrist, the eyes glowing.  Boone's matching tattoo seemed to be alive on his wrist, but he no longer felt the burning.  He was exultant.

 She was his.




Check out some great writing today and click on the link below!

 

18 comments:

  1. Wasn't sure how this would go for Boone. Loved it when he saw the matching tattoo and "knew".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been playing around with the tattoo for a bit, trying to decide what to do with it. Now I know!

      Delete
  2. I like this. I think you did a great job capturing the male POV here. The detail where he sees the tattoo and claims her almost like a possession is the perfect touch to end the scene.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that when a man meets the woman he wants to marry, he does get a little possessive. Ever the conqueror!

      Delete
  3. You do a wonderful job at showing the heightened senses, the sense that something is supernatural without explicitly saying anything to confirm that.

    The feeling of possession at the end is so triumphant.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. Yes, I am enjoying these characters immensely.

      Delete
  5. As the others said, the idea of possession is perfect. So male.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I flicked back to read the previous scene - that was a really excellent bit of writing... gave me the tingles!

    The male pov is done well here - lots of cursing ;) We don't really get too far inside Boone's head here - why feeling for a woman might rattle him so, but what we do see is well done: "He wanted to immerse himself in the deluge, feel it flow over his skin. He stayed where he was only by force of will." - "Immerse" is a great word choice, and I think the "force of will" really drives home this particular male ;)

    This was a little tricky: "She had hurried past him on her way to the bar, yet she was somehow beside him." - "inside" him might be better or "always with" etc...

    Overall a great read!!

    -Barbara
    www(dot)barbaragildea(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It was hard to stick to the word limit, so I ended up leaving a lot of the 'inside' of Boone's head out.

      Delete
  7. Ooh, creepy good! The not-knowing, the surrender, and then the reveal. Nicely played on all counts. I'm thrilled you used deluge. I love that word and no one seems to use it anymore.

    Love the take on the prompt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the word "deluge" too! It's a great word.

      Delete
  8. That ending was brilliant.

    Also enjoyed the description of her hair like a waterfall.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That moment of triumph and possession at the end was wonderful!

    ReplyDelete

I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!