How To Be A Superhero On A Budget

In the comics, and in the movies, most superheroes are loaded.  Batman is positively swimming in buckets of cash.  Iron Man oozes dollar bills out of his pores.  Arrow is loaded.  Even the superheroes who aren't bazillionares, like Flash, and Superman, aren't hurting for cash.  You just generally don't see your garden-variety superhero on the corner, cardboard sign in hand. 

Superheroes need cash to do their jobs.  Those fancy costumes and tools cost an arm and a leg.  The Batman not only has to shell out money for special outfits, he also has to maintain the Bat Cave, Batmobile, Bat Plane, Bat Boat, and whatever other patented Bat vehicle he creates. Those high tech specially designed suits that Iron Man wears are not found on close out at the local Walmart. Superman not only has to keep himself in spandex, he also has to keep himself in those fake glasses he wears to fool Lois Lane.  Even the Flash has to keep himself fed, since his super fast metabolism means that he has to eat more than the entire offensive line of the last Super Bowl winner.

Not all of us have trillions of dollars lying about in a vault, which is really a shame.  That doesn't mean that superhero-dom is not for you, however.  Maybe you won't have all the cool toys, but since most people have no idea what to do with a batarang, anyway, that's probably a good thing.  Anyone can be a superhero, no matter the income.  There's a few decisions that need to be made first.

1.  Cape or No Cape?  One cannot deny that Superman looks pretty awesome in a cape.  And Batman would not be so very mysterious and 'bat-like' without a cape.  A cape can make a person feel...super.  If that piece of material  is all that stands between you and your new career as a superhero, then go for it.  However, after viewing the movie The Incredibles, my feelings on capes underwent an adjustment.  And there are a number of successful superheroes who do not have capes.  A cape would slow the Flash down, for example.  So capes are really a personal decision.

2.  Practice Your Stance   Every superhero has a stance.  It's expected.  It may be a law of the Universe or something. Superman has that hands-on-hips, legs wide apart, cape flowing in the breeze. It's that stance that conveys to the world, "I am mighty!"  A number of other superheroes have adopted a similar stance, but that's certainly no reason not to come up with your own unique way of letting the world know that you...are mighty.

3.  Theme Music  Every time Captain America shows up on the screen, there is soaring music to let you know that he is there to save the day.  Batman usually has some dark score soaring in the background to let you know that he's there, even if he is in one of his secretive moods.  Theme music sets the stage for the hero, and if there's a song that makes a person feel heroic and superhero-ish, then that should be their theme song.  Eye of the Tiger seems to be a favorite, but really, any song will do.  No one has to hear it but you, through your headphones or in your head, if you don't want anyone to know.  If it makes you feel super, it's worthy.

4.  Sidekicks Are Essential  Batman has Alfred, and Robin. Superman has his mom, and a few other insiders. Iron Man has Pepper Potts, and War Machine.  Captain America has the Falcon, and Bucky Barnes.  The Flash has a team of scientists and police officers on his side.  Half of Star City apparently knows that Oliver Queen is the Arrow, but they are all essential to his do-gooder team.  Every superhero needs a helper, and that's a fact.  Heck, just getting into those spandex outfits must take at least two people!  And some good deeds require more than one person to complete them.  Soup kitchens, for example, couldn't exist if only one person was running them. 

5.  Do Some Good Deeds  This is the most essential part of being a superhero.  Batman's life is dedicated to taking back Gotham City from criminals.  Superman is all about truth, justice, and such.  The Flash rushes in to help as many as he can.  Superheroes come in all shapes and sizes, but the one thing that they all have in common is the desire to help others in some way.  You don't have to be a superhero for that, you just have to want to help.  It doesn't require super strength to volunteer to read to senior citizens.  Helping out at the local animal shelter doesn't require a special spandex suit.  It just requires YOU.  Giving your time to worthy causes doesn't require any extra equipment or cash, but it will sure help you feel like a superhero. 

You can even wear a cape and have your sidekick follow you around with your iPod speakers blaring your theme song. 

Volunteer or Shaddup

Very often in my life, I hear complaints.  Complaints about life, complaints about a particular chapter of life, complaints about a particular character in said chapter of life, etc.  People are just venting, and all I have to do is listen, and occasionally interject murmurs of encouragement.  Sometimes I'm the one venting.  I see venting as the equivalent of a summer storm, as suddenly over as it began.  When the venting is done, equilibrium is re-established, and the world can continue turning. 

Then there are the complainers who just complain.  It's as if they've eaten nothing but sour grapes or sour lemons their entire lives. They cannot open their mouths without a negative statement bursting forth like overripe fruit.  When people try to help these sourpusses, they aren't thanked.  In this instance, the complainer doesn't want the problem to be fixed, they just want to complain about it, and they want everyone to know that they are complaining about it.   This is not a productive person.  They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the squeaky wheel often also ends up getting whacked in the head with a mallet. 

There are a number of very positive people who are willing to volunteer their time.  Every elementary school has room mothers, and more recently Watch D.O.G.S(Dads of Great Students), roaming about, lending a hand here and there.   These fine people saw a need, or were told about a need.  Instead of constantly complaining about how crappy public education is, or how terrible the federal/state government is, or how it's all Obama's fault...these people stepped in and DID something.  They asked what they could do to help, and then...they did it.  These fine parents don't spend all of their waking hours at the school like the actual teacher do, but they do what they can, and that is what counts. If it weren't for volunteers, most schools would be sad places.

My husband has been the "commissioner" of the 3/4 year old soccer teams this spring.  There were almost 80 three and four year old children who wanted to play soccer, and my husband would have gladly placed all of them on teams...except not many parents wanted to volunteer to coach.  So some kids didn't get to play, and that is a darn shame.  Even at this level, a coach needs a team mom, and several willing "cat-herders" to keep the kids focused, but some parents won't even volunteer for that! My husband has since received a number of phone calls and emails complaining about particular coaches, and his response has been to ask the complainer if they are willing to take over coaching responsibilities.  Silence is usually the response. 

Every parent out there should be willing to volunteer for something at least once a year.  It doesn't have to be a sports team; the library needs volunteers, and so does the chess club.  You don't have to be an expert on anything, all that is required is a willingness to help.  Children should see positive adults helping others without expecting payment, aka volunteering.  Adults who volunteer are modeling that giving behavior to the children around them.  It's an awesome thing, to volunteer, and these people should be solemnly kissed on both cheeks and bear hugged. 

This is a message to all you whiny complainers out there: Stop just whining and DO something!  You'll be glad that you did, I promise.