Change the Tune

I used to spend a great deal of time reading about murderers.  It was a natural progression for me as a student of psychology, back in the 80s.  Serial killers like Edmund Kemper and Ted Bundy were all over the news. Aberrations, I thought. I wanted to know more. What makes people who murder different from people who don't?  What makes one person kill, while another person in the same situation can just walk away?  Is there a way to predict such behavior with any consistency? Those were some of the questions that I had when I began my 'research'.  I read books, I talked to people in law enforcement, I attended seminars, etc., until I could stand no more of the darkness, and there were no easy answers.

While certain things do increase the likelihood that one person will kill another, the reality is that the capacity to murder lies within each of us. That is not the happiest of thoughts, but it is truth. How could anyone bear that kind of responsibility without some horror? The good news is that until you make the choice to pull the trigger, there is nothing set in stone. You have a choice. Once you make that choice, there are consequences.  

I hear about these shootings, these murders, every day now, and I want to be angry.  These killers refuse to accept any responsibility.  It's all everybody else's fault, claim the shooter(s), and therefore demands for retribution are justified.  The gunman is pulling the trigger, but it's the victim's fault. I've heard that same line before. Bullies blame their behavior on their victims.  Abusers blame their abuse on their victims. Rapists blame their rape on their victims.

I want to be angry, but I just feel sad.

Every day a new shooting, another line crossed. We've seen these same stories on the news many, many times. We've become desensitized. We know the drill, and we also 'know' that nothing will change--the NRA, the ultimate bully, will whine about the government trying to take away guns.  The Tea Party will blame the liberals, and the government, crippled by partisan bickering, will do nothing.  There are always pundits blaming anyone they can find, inflaming the ignorant, without ever accepting any of the responsibility. We as a society just stop listening to any of it.  Until something more horrific happens.

We can keep listening to this music, this cacophony, or we can change the tune. 

Maybe we can't control the soulless machine that is the NRA, and we can't fire every single member of Congress. None of us have complete control over the world, but we can control how we respond to it.  If there is to be true change, it begins inside of all of us, and spreads outward to connect us.  We each have to take responsibility for ourselves, and own up to how our behavior, our choices might affect others, and change.  Standing up for the downtrodden, speaking for those with no voice, maintaining a civil discourse, voting the angry out of office--all begin within. Be the change, they say. Be kinder. Apologize when you are wrong. Smile more.

Change the tune. Sing a new song.

   

Senseless

Unless a person has been living under a rock or in one of those 18th century log cabins made popular by PBS shows, you've heard about the shooting at the theater in Aurora, Colorado during the midnight screening of the latest Batman movie.  Twelve people who were in the theater were killed, and a lot of people were injured.  The media is calling this event a massacre, and people are scared.  How could something so senseless happen?

In the mind of the man who committed this crime, everything probably makes perfect sense. Whether he is mentally disturbed or not, what he was doing was perfectly reasonable to him.  It was perfectly reasonable for him to legally buy guns and other items over time in order to implement his plan.  He may tell us why, believing that we will understand that what he did was reasonable. 

Many of us thrive on consistency, routine.  Consistency builds trust.  We need to trust that the bus will come and pick up our kids for school at the same time each morning.  We base our trust of the world on what has happened yesterday.  If the bus arrived consistently every other school day in the past, we trust that it will show up today.  Without our ability to trust in a routine, we might not be able to function effectively.  Being able to trust helps us feel safe.  

Acts of violence destroy that feeling of trust, and we feel unsafe.  We work so very hard to feel safe, and it is gone in an instant, even if we are nowhere near Colorado.  So we try to make sense of the senseless acts that surround us on the news and on the internet.  The random killing of random people is not even in the ball park of reasonable.  It's just crazy, or evil, or wrong, but it is not, by any stretch of the imagination, reasonable.  But it must have made some kind of sense to this guy, must have solved some sort of issue for him. We want to understand, we want it to make sense in some way.  If it makes some sense, then maybe those people didn't die for nothing.  We think that if we can just understand why this happened, why God allowed this, why the world is screwed up, then it will all be okay.

As hard as it is, we have to accept that sometimes things don't make sense.  This is one of those times.  It isn't going to make sense, ever, and we need to face that. Whatever this guy's reasons for doing what he did, they don't make this okay.  Nothing this man says will ever justify his act of cruelty.  As far as I am concerned, this criminal should never see the light of day, and should never be mentioned again. His name should be stricken from the books, his picture banned, instead of being plastered all over the place.  We should refuse to dignify this act by glorifying the perpetrator.

Don't let the fear of this event consume you.  They say that living well is the best revenge.  This guy wanted to inspire terror in people.  Instead, go to the movies, go to restaurants,  go to sporting events.  Hug your children and kiss your spouse.  Be kind to strangers.  Live your life the best way you can, in spite of the senseless acts.