The Walmart Curse

My husband and I had an argument heated discussion the other day.

What did we argue about?

What do most couples argue have heated discussions about?

Money. Well, money and the frequency of sex, according to the polls.

But we argued discussed money.

Larry says that I go crazy in Walmart. He says that I can't go in there without dropping over a hundred bucks. Even with a list, I come home with extra stuff.

So I am admitting it here on the interwebs so it's official and I will no longer have plausible deniability in the event of a future argument discussion:

My husband is right.

I can't help it.

Even if I do make a list, and even if I try hard to just get the items on the list, the Walmart curse strikes.

I see it, and then I remember that we don't have it.

Even if we don't need it, we suddenly must have it. And that too, and ooh, we definitely need that... And bam! There goes a couple hundred bucks.

And I can't forget Target. I spent so much money in Target one day that they sent me a thank you card. Of course, it was all stuff that I needed and had to have. It was so nice of them to remind me.

It may drive my husband crazy, but it bothers ME even more.

I should know better.

Stores are specifically designed to get you to spend money. That is their sole purpose for existence. We all know this. Every single store is laid out, from the number of items on sale to the number of carts in the front, to get you to a)spend as much time in the store as possible, and b)to get you to spend as much money as possible. Walmart is better at this than most, except maybe for Disney(Disney pioneered the field of behavioral engineering, even if their name wasn't on it).

I know this because I read a lot about the study of behavior and some of that research has involved sales and marketing. People worry about the government getting our money, and that's kind of stupid. They need to be more worried about stores like Walmart.

I know, for instance, that the reason there are so few employees checking people out at Walmart(and other stores) is because research has shown that the longer you are in the store the more money you will spend(because you will think of something else you needed).

The candy at the checkout is there BECAUSE children are impulsive, and parents will often buy their children things to shut them up. Nobody likes a screaming child, least of all a parent.

The milk and eggs are at the back of the store BECAUSE you will likely think of something else you need as you pass all the other aisles.

They throw that extended warranty offer in at the last second BECAUSE you've already committed to spending money, so you are more likely to say yes to spending more.

It sometimes bothers me that I am such a easy target for stores such as Walmart. Oh, and Target, as well. They know my shopping habits better than I know them myself. That kind of sucks.

Sometimes I start to feel like a lab rat, except there's no cheese at the end of the maze. But then I see something else I forgot that I needed.

Hey! It's on sale.

Crisis Averted

I never really thought about how many items there are in our house that we consider to be necessities. Things that would make our grandmothers smack us upside the head for being extravagant and wasteful. For instance, my grandmother(my mother's mom) did not have an electric dryer; she hung laundry out in the backyard to dry. Things still got dried, but no electricity was used. A dryer was considered wasteful. My great grandmother, Elizabeth Irebeen Benz, did not have indoor plumbing. She had an outhouse. I used to visit her when I was a child, but my butt was way too small for the outhouse. So I had a little pot in the closet for my visits*. I literally DID have a pot to piss in, at least once in my life!

Another item that I consider a necessity is a coffeemaker. My husband believes that his smart phone is vital to his well-being. We all have our "can't live without" items. But let's be more realistic. A necessity is something that we really can't live without. Life becomes a horrid cesspool of despair and desolation without that item. I think that still qualifies the coffeemaker.

And toilet paper. Toilet paper is a necessity. Even if I no longer have running water and have to find a place outside to go, I must have toilet paper. I am not the only one.

While I am sitting at the kitchen table this morning sipping my coffee and reading the paper, I can hear my husband stomping around upstairs.

Then I hear my name being yelled.

"WHERE'S THE TOILET PAPER????" This is said in a panicked voice.

In the closet in the bathroom!" I yell back. "I just bought some."

Wait--Did I? Or did I just imagine that I did? Sometimes, all those visits to the grocery store meld into one gawdawfully long, tedious, shopping trip. Ack! What if there's NO toilet paper in the house??!!

I started to get nervous.

"Oh. Here it is," came the voice from above. "I got scared."

Crisis averted. For both of us.

*True story.

How Most Shopping Trips Go Awry

I am sitting at the table in the kitchen, writing down the items we need from the grocery store.

"What you doing, Mama?" Zane asks as he rides his 'bike' into the kitchen.

"I am making a list of things to get from the grocery store, my little Cheesy-poof," I reply, "Do you have anything you want from the store?"

"Yep," came the reply.

"What would you like?" I ready my pencil.

"Um...Candy,"

"Okay," I write down the word. "Anything else?"

"Uhhh...Astrid(character from How to Train Your Dragon)...Batman...Candy...Batman...Superman...Candy..."

I may have to get a second cart...Batman being a pretty big guy and all...