The Secret to a Happy Marriage

I've been sick this week, with either a cold or allergies. It's kind of difficult to tell at this point. I just feel cruddy, but I don't have a fever, and I can't take off work this week because next week is spring break. So I've been muddling through. Emphasis on the word 'muddle'.

I hate to be sick. I hate not feeling like myself. I hate wanting to sleep so bad that I start nodding off in the middle of conversations. I hate feeling like my brain is in a fog. I hate being so irritable that I want to just start smacking everyone around me for no good reason. (even when I'm perfectly healthy, I sometimes want to smack someone. But I usually have a reason.) I need TWO spring breaks. If all this sounds odd, it's likely the cold medicine I took so I could get some sleep. It apparently makes you wacky. It actually says that on the box.

But enough about my wallowing in the self-pity trough. The Secret to a Happy Marriage is (drum roll)...separate bathrooms. Even if you don't have indoor plumbing, you need to have a "two seater" separated by a partition. Everyone needs their space, especially married couples, who are 'supposed' to want to do everything together. Togetherness is nice, but a little of that goes a long way, especially in a marriage.

Some of us are downright slobs(*raises hand), while others are obsessive compulsive neatniks. Separate bathrooms allows each person to express their personality to the utmost without fear of the other person completely ruining everything simply by crossing the threshold. One can leave the toothpaste sitting out all day, for instance, and nobody cares, because it's not in the other person's space. No random arguments that escalate over time until Cold War is declared!

Discuss.

Marriage Secret

My beloved and I were arguing the other morning while on the way to work. We were arguing about something extremely vital and important to any marriage: football. Specifically, whether it had been a good idea to fire Wade Phillips now or if they should have waited until later. Larry got a bit emotional, as most men do when the topic is sports.

"I don't want to argue about this," I finally said.

"Good, because I would totally win, because I am right," my husband responded happily. We changed the subject, but I thought later that my wonderful husband, as smart as he is, missed the point.

Marriage is one of those big pictures made up of many tiny pictures. There is always more going on in an argument than the actual topic of discussion, and in a good relationship there is so much more than who wins an argument. Lots of stuff in the undercurrent of an argument, and it's easy to forget that in the heat of the moment. Those of us who want a marriage to succeed have to take a long-term view of any argument and ask ourselves what we're fighting for, the happiness of our spouse, or just to be right. There are a LOT of lonely people out in the world who couldn't/wouldn't let go of that need to be "right".

I don't have to be right all the time, and I want my husband to be happy. And to be honest, most of our arguments are matters of opinion, not fact, which to my mind means that we are both right. So it's not a hardship or a competition for me to let my husband be "right" when we have an argument. We always agree on the important things: we love each other, we love our son, and we love our family. The rest is small potatoes.