A to Z: Under Threat

Until such time as schools and other community buildings are created bomb proof, bomb threats will be made.  We hear about them all the time, on the news and in the paper.  Sometimes we see the results if a bomb threat is not just a threat.  There are bad people out there who like the smell of fear and the chaos that come from blowing things up.  Sickos.

Monday we found out that a bomb threat had been made in reference to an elementary school in the San Antonio area.  The threat was rather specific as to the date, April 24th, but not much else appeared to be clear.  Law enforcement officials contacted all the districts and alerted them to the threat.  All the school districts let their campuses know, and procedures for closing off the campuses were initiated, as a precaution.  After years of shoddy emergency preparations in my previous district, it was refreshing to see that the school districts in San Antonio had their plans ready to implement immediately.

But it certainly hasn't been fun.

We've all been locked inside all day, starting Tuesday.  It's likely that this will continue until Friday.  Playgrounds sit empty, sad without children playing on them.  Movement inside the school is allowed, fortunately; I have to get up and walk a few times a day. Even the private schools are locking the children inside; my son's school even has people stationed at the locked doors. We've received the letters and the phone calls regarding the threat and assurances that everyone is safe. 

Assurances haven't been enough for some people.  There are a number of parents who have pulled their children from school for the week.  What if?  they've said, and instead of dealing with that question appropriately, they've had a kneejerk reaction.  They are afraid, their fear wrapping tendrils around their brain and squeezing all common sense out of them.  Fear is the name of the game for a person who calls in a bomb threat; the best way to stop someone like that is to refuse to be afraid.

I am not scared.  Of all the things I get anxious about, this is not one of them.  For me to not be worried about a bomb seems rather odd, but I'm not scared. I kissed my child and sent him off to school, and I know that he will be just fine. He has no idea what is going on, except that he has a spelling test today.  I have a feeling that this day will be like any other day--nothing will happen, and we will all go home at the end of it. 

Okay, I am a little scared, and the 'What its?' are roaring through my brain in a crushing flood. The world has lots of scary stuff in it. But I refuse to let my life be dictated by fear, no matter what. So I am here, at work, just like any other day.

But I'm not stupid.  All this week, I've been extra vigilant. I've paid attention to the cars in the parking lot at my campus.  I've looked underneath the bushes at the front of the school.  I've scanned the area around me for suspicious items left lying about.  

Just in case.

Parents Can Do Things That Teachers Love

School has started for a lot of kids, and parents are nervous. Teachers spend a lot of time with our children, and we want that time to be as positive as it can be. Will this teacher like my kid? we think. Will they smile at him/her as they come into the room? Will they challenge my child to learn, encourage them through challenges, and move them past momentary failures?

Because there is such a tremendous amount of trust in a parent-teacher relationship, there are a lot of things that can go wrong. Shenanigans can occur. Feelings can be hurt, professionalism can be questioned...and unlike when we were all kids, not all issues can be solved with a handshake. Throw special needs into the mix, and it's no wonder an adversarial relationship can develop! It needs to be emphasized, however, that not all of the parent-teacher issues are the fault of the teacher, nor are the parents to bear complete responsibility. Parents and teachers need to work together, united in the best interest of children. There should never be a question of where the focus should be.

Teachers go through some form of training every year that involves working successfully with parents. They have Monday Mail, and websites, and voice mail, among other methods of communication. Teachers are told to respond to parents promptly and to be courteous and respectful no matter what. Parents do not receive any such training. They are not given a list of rules to follow when dealing with teachers, or the school. It is assumed that they know, when that isn't necessarily true. I always tell my husband that he can't just assume that the kids know what to do--he has to tell them what he expects, in clear and precise language.

In the interest of being helpful, then, I offer just a few tips that seem to improve a teacher's perception of a parent. It's not an exhaustive list, and I must emphasize that my list is The Neutral Zone. I work in education, but I also happen to be a parent. Consider me Switzerland.

So, here goes:

1. Communicate, but not too much.
Teachers love to hear from parents, but calling the teacher four or five times a day could be considered stalking in some states. Especially if your child is in college. The communication needs to match the age and the needs of a child. Your average ten year old may only require a weekly email between parent and teacher, while a severely disabled student may need daily communication via a spiral notebook. Notice that I said daily, not hourly. Remember that the time spent returning those four or five phone calls is time spent away from instruction and/or planning.

2. Let your child take some responsibility.
Let your child have the grade they have earned. If they get a discipline referral, let them serve the consequence. Don't go rushing into the principal's office screaming that your child 'deserves' a passing grade, or that they shouldn't have to serve detention because of their poor self-esteem. The message sent here is that a kid never has to actually work at anything, because his mom or dad will 'fix' it. We complain that children have no sense of personal responsibility, yet we 'fix' a lot of things for our kids because we don't want them to fail. Sometimes kids just don't study or don't turn in assignments, and they get a failing grade. That is a natural, real-life consequence that can be applied to the adult world. "If I don't do my work, I don't get the grade" is equal to "If I don't do my job, I don't get paid".

3. If you don't understand something, ask!
There is no harm in asking the teacher to explain the purpose of the assignment or what skill is being taught. Parents often don't want to ask questions because they don't want the teacher to think that they are uninformed; teachers want parents to ask questions because that means that they are actually interested. If a teacher can't explain why she is teaching a concept, then you might have an issue. But you won't know that until you ask.

4. The only constant is change, so be flexible when you can.
Stuff happens. Plans sometimes have to be delayed, postponed, or cancelled. Teachers do their very best to accommodate students' needs, but things happen(random fire drills, equipment being stolen, etc.) that the teacher may have no control over, so try to be a little flexible when there's an occasional hitch.

5. Please make sure that your child does their homework.
My husband was asked why a student had to read twenty minutes every day. Since this particular student was on the football team, my husband asked him why he had football practice every day. To work on skills and get better at the game, responded the student, and one can almost imagine the little light bulb that lit up. The best way to improve at any skill is practice, and that is what homework is. Your child is not only practicing the skill they learned that day, they are practicing future work skills like task completion and self-discipline. A future boss is not going to be forgiving if your son or daughter blows off a work assignment; why is a teacher expected to do so?

6. Don't expect instantaneous results
This is one that I admit that I struggle with. Intellectually, I understand that learning is a step-by-step process, and that my son will learn a skill when he is ready. Emotionally, however, I get a bit impatient, as if the clouds will part and the Heavenly Host will impart instantaneous reading skills upon my child. The brain doesn't work that way, and if a child is special needs, it may be even harder for there to be acquisition of a skill.

7. Follow the chain of command.
There isn't much that I hate more than being called into my boss' office and yelled at about a problem when I had no idea that there WAS a problem. Don't do that. Give the teacher a chance to explain or correct the problem. If that doesn't work, follow the chain of command up the ladder. Parents may think that getting the 'big shots' involved in a problem will correct it, but the reality is that the Superintendent, who is comparable to a CEO, often has no idea what the heck is going on. He or She just wants the problem to go away, and that is not productive.


Now parents who have read this can say that they have had some 'training' in parent-teacher relations. I hope that I have helped at little. If you've lost your temper and yelled at a teacher, don't be hard on yourself. It happens. Apologize for the outburst, emphasize your desire to work things out, mend fences. I promise that will make the school year much smoother for parents. Oh, and the kids will be happier, too. Except about the homework.

The Life You Save

Yesterday I attended CPR/AED certification training. For those who might not recognize those particular initials, CPR stands for Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation, and AED stands for Automated Electronic Defibrillator. The AED is a machine that essentially tells you how to shock someone's heart back into rhythm. The machine will tell a person, step by step, what to do, from placing the pads to administering the shock. Some machines even remind you to move a couple of feet away from the victim so you don't accidentally get shocked. Pretty awesome. The American Heart Association recommends the use of AEDs because they work. They work best in combination with CPR, but even a kid can use the AED to help save a life. They can be used on children and adults.

CPR, in my opinion, is something that every single person should be trained to do. It can mean the difference between life or death in some cases, when seconds count. Since world-wide CPR training isn't going to happen anytime soon, everyone should know how to use an AED, because there are lots of public places that currently have AEDs on the premises. If you can't locate the AED in an establishment, ask an employee if they have one and the location. If the employees don't look at you strangely, chances are good that they have an AED.

If you are a parent, I would pay particular attention as to whether the schools your child attends have them. My school district has at least one in every school. The high school and the two middle schools have more than one, because they have athletic events. The PTA paid for some of our AEDs, and a state grant paid for the rest We even have one available for school board meetings, and given the current budget crisis, it might soon be put to use!

If your school does not have AEDs on campuses, start asking about them. It may not seem like it, but parents are often the people who can get things done. The school nurse should know something about them, and she would love to help. Parents can make the point that there are a lot of children these days who have health issues, and some of those issues have gone undiscovered. This especially applies to children with special needs, because health issues often accompany many conditions.

It is better to have them and not ever need them than to need an AED and not have it.