Backseat Driving Done Right

It's Graduation season, that time of the year when high school and college students finish their schooling and walk across the stage in a cap and gown to get a piece of paper with their name on it.  As it happens, this year my niece Courtney walked the stage as she graduated from high school, and the family trooped off to the Laurie Auditorium at Trinity University to watch this milestone.  I rode with my parents to the event. 

It's been awhile since I have ridden in the backseat of the family car, and things have changed since then.  For one thing, I developed a bit of claustrophobia, and sitting in the backseat is a little close.  For another, my parents are older.  My dad normally drives a huge pick up truck, but for this evening we were in my mother's Honda.  Except that my dad was driving like he was still in his pickup; he pretended that speed bumps put on our route weren't there and barely slowed down.  Short as I am, it was difficult not to go airborne.  I was grateful for the seatbelt!  I noticed my mother gripping her hands together, and I knew that she was nervous about her car. 

After the graduation ceremony, we returned to the car and headed home.  My dad exited the university, then headed for the traffic light.  He put on his turn signal at the stop light.  That's when the fun started, just like when I was a kid.

Mom:  "There's no right turn on red here,"

Dad: "There's no sign saying that."  

Mom: "Yes there is."

Dad: "I don't see any sign."

"Dad, you can't see oncoming traffic,"   I could not see the traffic light from the backseat, but I could see the left corner of the road jutting out to block our view. I felt compelled to speak up. 

Mom: "And it's no right turn on red."    Luckily, the light turned green, saving my dad from responding.  As we turned the corner, I saw the sign my mom was talking about, but kept quiet.  It became obvious that my dad was in a hurry to get home. 

"Dad, you're going a little fast.  There's a lot of cops out tonight."  I didn't mean to say a word; I had resolved to sit quietly in the backseat.  But my mother trained me well, and I could not help myself. I proceeded to correct his driving several more times, becoming more and more horrified at myself.  I even mentioned the speed bumps on the way back!  

"Can I just drive?" My dad had had enough of my shenanigans.  I'd had enough of myself as well.  However, I think my mom was secretly pleased. 

Microstories: A White Slip of Paper

I stood confidently at the top of the stage, my shoulders back, my back stiff with pride.  Graduation cap set jauntily, I waited for my name to roll over the crowd.  

But the announcer only looked at me expectantly, his hand out.

To My Son Upon His Graduation

You did it, my son.  You completed the toughest year of your schooling so far.  You worked hard to succeed, every day, to earn that paper. Your father and I could not be any prouder that you rose to the challenge.  Who knew that kindergarten would be so difficult?

As you prepare for the next adventure in your education, I get the feeling that you might want to rush things.  You've always been in a hurry. I mean, you're already discussing marriage and family with your girlfriend, and there is just no need to rush. First grade will be here before you know it, and I have some wisdom to share. It has been a few years since I was in first grade, but some things you never forget.

1.  Remember where you came from.  When I was five and found wandering all over Ft. Campbell, Lord only knows what would have happened if I hadn't been able to tell the MPs where I lived.  Or maybe my mom took care of that.  I was only five, and I was just happy that the police didn't arrest me for peeing all over their backseat. That story is the reason I will never run for public office. My point is to remember your family--your mom, your dad, your aunties and uncles, and your grandparents, etc. Each family member has a story to share. Be willing to listen. We may be old folks, but we are survivors of life.

2. Don't be a meanie-head. I cannot emphasize this enough. Very few people want to hang out with people who are not nice to them.  Why would they? Would you want to be around a mean kid, who feels entitled to your attention, or a nice kid who is willing to share his bag of Doritos?  Poor behavior will sometimes be tolerated, but not if it is a habit.  So smile. Say please and thank you. Be a good listener. Share. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

3. Try all of the cookies. At least once.  I know that right now you're a boy with his habits firmly in place, and you're fixed on chocolate chip for life.  But the best cookie you've ever tasted in your whole entire life could be out there, and it may not be chocolate chip. It is good to try new things, go to new places, meet new people. Trying new things helps you make better choices, and it is fun. Change can be hard, but it can also be amazing. Don't be afraid.

4. Sometimes life is scary. I wish that I could shelter you from all the scary stuff out there, but I can't. Things happen that your father and I have no control over, and you are just going to have to face whatever is out there too. Thunder will rumble, hurricanes will roll into the coast, and people will get hurt or killed.  I will answer as many of your questions as I can, so you have the knowledge to confront scary events. I will also hug you and hold you when that is not enough. Some days I may ask you to hold me instead!  We will get through the scary together.

5. Do not eat the art materials, no matter how appetizing.  Kids in my day used to spread Elmer' s glue on our skin, our fingernails, etc. We would wait until it dried, then spend hours of class time peeling it off. This was some sort of self simulation, I am sure, but we were six, and there was no higher form of entertainment. Except that some kids liked to be even more rebellious. They would do things, like eat the glue, because they wanted teacher attention. But just because you CÀN do something doesn't make it a good idea. Do not eat the glue, or the paint. Your peers will not appreciate your glue eating as the fine performance art it is; they will call you weird, and avoid you like you have cooties.

I hope that these words have inspired you to rise above the the humdrum, the every day drudgery that school sometimes becomes. You have always been a problem solver, and that strength will carry you far.

At least into the next grade.