A Great Shirt, With An Exception

This is a great shirt.

It's a comfy, soft shirt, for one.  The kind of shirt that hugs you gently and makes you feel relaxed the second that you put it on.  This sort of shirt is a wonderful stress release at the end of a horrible day.  My son calls these sorts of shirts his "softees", and I think that is an appropriate term.  A shirt like that is indeed a comfort in its soft, cottony goodness.

This shirt has bacon on it.  Not real bacon, of course.  That would make the shirt a greasy mess; not comfortable at all, and probably a bit stinky after hanging in your closet for a couple of days. It's just a picture of bacon, but that is enough.  I have fond memories of visiting my grandparents on their farm, my grandmother cooking bacon and eggs for my grandpa before he went out into the fields.  The smell of the bacon, the sizzle of it in the skillet, would draw me out of bed at the crack of dawn without any complaints or arguments.

This shirt is marvelous because it has a new word on it: snaccident.  This word is what is called a sniglet, 'a word that is not in the dictionary, but should be'.  I remember a few sniglets from the 1980s, such as 'margraine'(the headache you get from drinking a frozen margarita too fast), so seeing this word 'snaccident' brings up some pleasant memories.  Mostly about the times that I did NOT have a 'margraine'. But I have snaccidents all the time, like when I see an open bag of  of those Almond Joy candy bars.  Who can resist that wonderful chocolate covered coconut magnificence? 

However, the words on this shirt imply that a person might eat bacon by mistake.  How can this be?  Bacon is never a mistake, under any circumstances.  Except tofu bacon.  That is a crime against humanity.  But all the other bacon is never a mistake.  Bacon is always delicious, and to think about bacon is a joy for most people, even if they don't eat it.  So this shirt should say that bacon is never a mistake, or come up with another food that someone might eat by accident that is not bacon.

But then the shirt wouldn't be as great.  Not without bacon. 

So Random

One of the elementary schools where I work is all about going to college.  Which is great--if you have any college at all under your belt, it equals a larger paycheck. And college is not that difficult--it's more about perseverance and focus than it is smarts, I've learned.  Anyway, The school has placed pennants from every single college or university they could find, no matter how big or how small it might be, or where it might be located.  I found a pennant from Quincy College, where I believe my parents met way back in 1963, and there's pennants from the schools such as Duke and SMU.  But my attention, and my stomach, was riveted by one pennant in particular:

Bacone College?  I spent a few moments considering the possible degree plans, and how delicious they might be.  Could an MB, Master of Bacon, be in my future?  Or a Doctorate of Bacon Administration?

My son was a little upset with the Turtle Man, the star of Animal Planet's Call of the Wildman.  Since all the animals in Tennessee were hibernating last winter, Turtle Man and his crew decided that Texas was the place to be.  Zane could not understand why Turtle Man did not come to visit him, and I explained that we did not have any critters for the Turtle Man to catch. We do not have bats, or rats, just cats.  Turtle Man doesn't catch cats, and that's that.  Hey, I accidentally rhymed!  Hopefully that goes away. 

We bought a new car, an SUV, because my best friend will no longer speak to me if I buy a Mom Van.  Since Larry still works in New Braunfels for now, we needed a second car. We marched into Carmax with a purpose, which I will tell you is sooo much better than wandering aimlessly around every car dealership.  I'd looked up the 2009 Hyundai Santa Fe online, so we already knew our price range and what we wanted. We'd even talked to Zane about loans and how they worked.  Zane's take on that was to march into Carmax and tell the guy, "We want to buy an SUV, but we don't have any money."  Lucky the salesman had a sense of humor!  This will be Larry's vehicle.  He has wanted something that could be used to haul all the things he needs for the soccer field, and now he has it.  Zane is beside himself with happiness. Because the backseat has a cupholder! Remember when little things like that made you feel like it was Christmas? 

My BBF(Best Blogging Friend) sent me an adorable birthday present.  She knows me so very well!  Andrea(from over at Maybe It's Just Me) sent me a Lego Statue of Liberty for my new desk.  I spent a happy five minutes putting it together, because I'm older and my fingers are not quite so nimble.  But I was so very pleased to have a moment to play!

I've been watching Ghost Adventure on the Travel Channel. It's very different from Ghost Hunter on Syfy.  Where GH is all about disproving a haunting, GA went all out and drank the Kool-Aid.   Those guys will practically jump for joy when something happens, no matter how mundane.  They're all about the scare. 

Today is Zane's first day back at school, and he will be in Kindergarten.  We attended Open House with all the other parents. When we entered the room and introduced ourselves, both the teacher and her aide said "So YOU'RE Zane!"  Larry and I looked at each other, concerned. What parent wants to hear that their child has been discussed that much around the xerox machine?  We needn't have worried, though.  One of Zane's friends from last year, Austin, showed up before we got there, and all he could talk about was how Zane was in his class, and this is where Zane will sit, and this is Zane's cubby, etc.  Austin reportedly just went on and on about my child, as if Zane was the best kid in the whole world.  That was how the teachers knew my son.  Larry and I felt better after that.  We interrogated talked with the teacher about her behavior system, which involves some sort of rainbow.  I am not sure how Zane will do with that--he tends to do better when things are laid out more simply.  But she's the teacher, and I will let her figure all that out.  Or not--Zane might surprise us. 


Stacy is still moving across country.  She will be back in September, I think.  I am keeping the random going for her, but I'm being even more random by posting this on MONDAY!!!!

WOE: Between Two Slices

Prompt:  Plump tomatoes, salty bacon, crisp lettuce, soft bread, this week we want you to be inspired by the BLT. Write a piece of either fiction or creative non-fiction based on this photo. This is fiction; my gallbladder and I have never been separated, throughout an extended love-hate relationship. 

It had been eight weeks since my gallbladder surgery.  Eight weeks of bland oatmeal, of tasteless broth, of saltine crackers.  And then this morning, the doctor had finally decided that I was ready to return to my regular diet. I practically kissed him on the mouth, I was so overcome! 
I immediately ran to my favorite deli and to order what I had been craving for two torturous months.  They were closed until 10 am.  In my eagerness, I sat right down on the ground in front of the door to wait. 

The sound of the back seam of my pencil skirt separating was an explosion in the silence of the town square.  I quickly scanned the area around me for passerby, my face scarlet, and found the three members of the Historical Society staring in my direction.  I raised my hand and feigned a cheerful wave at them.  When they were gone,  I waited,  visualizing the bright red of the ripe tomatoes, the crispness of the green lettuce.  My clothing issues were forgotten.  The smell of bacon wafted in and out of my daydream. I drooled a bit at the thought.

The deli was finally open!!!  Yay!  Now I can get my hands around that gorgeously mouthwatering sandwich.  

Except...I could not get up.  My legs had fallen asleep in their folded position.  I reached out and grabbed the handle of the deli door and tried to pull myself into a standing position.   I succeeded in sliding myself  close enough to be a doorstop. I screamed.  I let go of the handle and sagged against the door.

I could not get into my favorite deli!  My very own BLT sandwich was in there!  I pressed my face against the coolness of the glass and closed my eyes.  Tears fell off my face and slid down the glass. 

"Excuse me, ma'am?"  "Ma'am?"   Two gentle male voices bring me out of my reverie.  I turn and look up into their smiling faces.

"Aren't you the mayor?"