Bad Mama

Zane learned a new trick at daycare. It's all about drama at the daycare these days. Not only is there REAL crying, now there's the fake crying. Not only is there REAL illness, there's the fake illnesses. Not only is there the REAL "I don't know how", there's the fake one, too. All the aspiring actors out there don't need to pay money to an acting school; just spend a couple of weeks studying the kids in my son's class. Lots and lots of drama. I don't know how those teachers do it.

I hate that crap. I have ZERO patience for it, especially after a long day. I think that I deserve a little consideration in this instance. A Get Out Of Drama Free card would be perfect. If I could sit my son down and explain things to him in way that he understood, I would. Three year olds don't speak my language, however, and my comprehension of theirs is always an iffy thing. I just want to explain a few "guidelines", such as "Do not fall on the floor and start bawling because the cat barfed on the Aquaman action figure that did not get picked up last night."

Or "Do not start screaming and hitting because of the No Cookies Before Dinner rule."

Or "Do not say "My tummy hurts" when it is time to take a bath."

And especially, "do not tell the person who buys your favorite food, books, and toys that you don't love them when they ask you to clean up your toys." That is just plain heinous. Plus, it hurts my feelings.

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"Zane, are you pretend crying?

"Yes."

"Knock it off, kid. Right. Now."

"Okay."

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The only kind of drama I want to see when I am at home is the stuff on the television. So my responses to Zane's melodramas are probably less than appropriate. My husband usually ends up chastising me for not being sensitive to our son's needs. Except a mother knows when their child is faking.

I'm a bad mama. I don't fuss and give hugs and treats and attention for that kind of behavior. Zane will be an adult at some point, and he is going to want to have a job. Do you think that an employer is going to pay an employee to throw himself on the floor when he doesn't get his way? (actually, in some countries, that probably costs extra) No, it's best to just nip that dramatic but manipulative tendency right in the bud early. It's either that or give the boy an Emmy or something.

Not An Actor?

Zane was having a hissy fit, a conniption, a tantrum. There was the screaming and crying and the required throwing of the self onto the floor as a dramatic flourish. I think that there was some kicking thrown in for good measure***

He yelled that he wanted...

"Boy," I stand over him, interrupting. "You are not getting a single thing until you stop acting this way."

Zane stopped mid-scream.

"I not acting, Mama!" he said, with a completely straight face. Then goes back to his screaming and crying.

I developed a sudden coughing fit and had to go into the other room for a moment.




***I am saving up all these blog posts about my son for blackmail purposes when he's a surly teenager. I am sure that this makes me a bad person, but if it gets him to behave with a modicum of respect when he is hormonal, it will be worth it.