You Know You're a Mom

Mamkat's Extremely Famous Prompt:  3.)  You know you’re a Mom when…


When I became a mom, lots of things changed.  In a good way, overall.  I joined a very esteemed club, filled with women who sacrificed their bodies to raise progeny. As someone who was always picked last for teams and such, I'm not used to belonging to such a great group.  We have a lot in common now.  We all know you're a Mom when:

You no longer close the door when you pee, just in case your very young child needs you.  This can lead to some embarrassment when you're at a dinner party. 

Your child's projectile vomiting is the only thing that gets you out of bed at night.

If no tissue is available, you just reach over and wipe your child's nose with your fingers, then wipe your fingers on your jeans, all without stopping your conversation.

Your boobs are not nearly as perky as they were before breastfeeding happened.  They are darn tired!  The girls' have a new nickname-Droopy.

You gain twenty pounds.  Why?  Because you end up eating the food that your kids don't want in addition to your own meals, so the food isn't wasted. 

When your boss comes back from the restroom, you absentmindedly ask him if he washed his hands.

Your purse contains diapers, wipes, gels, sprays, juice, sunscreen, band-aids, paper clips, and Jimmy Hoffa, just in case you need it.  Your purse also weighs seventy pounds.

Any and every conversation you have with another adult involves some mention of your child, along with photos, videos, written reports, as well as a Power Point presentation.

You are overwhelmed with the urge to make sure that everyone's garment tags are tucked into their appropriate shirts and pants.

You find yourself checking people's feet, to make sure that they have put their shoes on the correct foot.

After the child turns a certain age and is mobile, you not only close the bathroom door, you lock it, and you hold very still, hoping that your kids don't notice that you are in there.

A glass of wine looks pretty darn good at the end of the day.  The bottle looks even better.

Your greatest  fantasy involves a massage, a nap, and alone time.

You're at a dinner with your friends, and one of them has a schmear of something on their chin.  You have a napkin dipped in water and are reaching out to clean it off before you are aware of it.