One Perfect Day

I woke up the other day sweating, hyperventilating, my heart racing and my brain on high alert. Something is wrong, my mind yelled, and of course you have to pay attention to that sort of thing.  I took several deep breaths, opened my eyes and began looking around the room. I hadn't injured myself in my sleep.  My husband was still breathing; I could hear Zane snoring. It was early in the morning, so I could see that there were no intruders in the house. The alarm was still on.  Maisy, the secondary alarm dog, was sound asleep.

All was quiet, except in my head. I was having a garden variety panic attack.  As far as my brain was concerned, I am a terrible person, a bad mom, someone who has no friends, oh--and it is the end of the world.  I have a surgery coming up(July 8th), and my brain was convinced that I was going to die on the table, from complications or whatever.

I hate having panic attacks, because they aren't productive. I am used to feeling anxious.  I've read all the books on anxiety. I usually can problem solve my way out of my anxiety, unless it's a panic attack. I always try to talk my idiot brain out of them, as if my assertions can overcome hardwired brain responses.  I do deep breathing exercises. I get up and walk around. I try to redirect my thoughts.  I even pray.  None of that works for panic attacks.

And I keep all my freaking out to myself, because I don't want anyone in the house to freak out with me.  So I went downstairs and let out the dog and the cat into the backyard, started the coffee, and made breakfast.

Then I got mad at myself, and my mental nonsense. I'm not a person who is used to sitting around feeling crazy.  I'm a fighter.  Getting angry seemed counter productive, but there it was.  I just  said to heck with it.  If I have no reason to panic, but I'm panicking anyway, I may as well go do some things that make me panic.  So we packed up and went off to SeaWorld.  We hit their water park, Aquatica.  First on the agenda?  Sting Ray Falls, where you sit in a raft and slide down a big tube underneath a bunch of random stingrays.  Right away, my panic attack got worse.  My claustrophobia was hollering about the ride, because, enclosed space.  My acrophobia was screaming, because we had to climb about four stories up.  Zane noticed my nervousness, and I finally talked about what I was feeling.

"You should face your fears," Zane said.

"That's why we're here, son," I replied.

I took a picture of Larry and I, and my toothy smile.  That is panic on my face, but there's more. 

There's determination.  I could do this.  And I did.  I sat in the raft, I held on, and the ride began.   It was over in seconds, as most experiences are, and as we splashed down and floated to the exit, my panic attack went away.  At least for that day.  We floated on the "river", jumped waves in the wave pool, and had a blast. 

I'm still nervous about my surgery tomorrow.  I wouldn't be me if the "what ifs" weren't constantly running through my mind. But we had one perfect day this summer, where we were able to let some of the cares from the past two years go, and everyone was healthy, and we laughed and had fun as a family. 

It will do for now. 

We Will Not Be Boycotting SeaWorld

In high school, I took a journalism class or two.  I had no idea that that meant writing for the high school newspaper, but once my schedule was set, that was it, and I was stuck.  I decided to make the best of the situation, and actually started paying attention to what my teacher was saying.  That's how I learned about yellow journalism.  Yellow journalism is all about half-truths and exaggerations.  It's sensationalism, pure and simple, designed for a purpose.  Sometimes that purpose is to smear someone's name, as happens in a political campaign.

Mainly, yellow journalism sells.

Most journalism out there has a yellowish-tinge these days, due to the internet and the 24/7 news cycle.  News is supposed to be factual and objective, and sometimes that gets lost in the rush to get people to click on websites. People understand that information from some organizations should be taken with a grain of salt, because it is slanted in a particular way. CNN is not supposed to be one of those sites. CNN is supposed to be objective and impartial, like any valid news supplier.

Blackfish is purported to be a documentary exposing SeaWorld as an evil force, exploiting killer whales to make a profit.  Blackfish is a film that was made for a specific purpose.  That purpose was not to educate the masses, but to stir up a false sense of moral outrage. And it worked. SeaWorld got some awful press. People felt bad after watching the film, and they wanted to do something about it.  Schools cancelled field trips.  Musicians pulled out of concert obligations.  Individuals vowed to never darken SeaWorld's doors again.

And the film is pure yellow journalism.

Those people were paid to create a film that slanted a certain way, make no mistake. The company did not hire people to make a film out of some rare form of philanthropy. They got paid, and they will continue to get paid each time their product is viewed.  Even if some of that paycheck goes to charitable causes, it doesn't change a thing. Businesses have to profit, and the best way for a film company to profit is to get people to see their work. And CNN is no unsuspecting angel in this.  CNN paid to air the film on their station, and they plastered stories about it for weeks, specifically slanted.  CNN got paid, if not in cash, in the valuable website clicks that advertisers adore.  After the film aired, CNN initially kept up a relatively steady stream of stories about the film's backlash against SeaWorld, to keep the drama going. However, stories with a different angle, including information from trainers who worked on Blackfish?  I haven't seen any on CNN yet. That story only showed up in my local newspaper, where SeaWorld has become a vital part of San Antonio.  What was left out of the movie, and off of CNN, was a more balanced view that would have offered a fuller picture upon which to base an opinion. 

My teacher taught us about yellow journalism for a reason.  He wanted us to be discerning in our reading, as well as our writing. When information is needed, it is a journalist's obligation to supply it, so that the reader can come to their own conclusions.  Factual and objective, was Mr. Mathwin's mantra, and I remember that lesson to this day.

I do not for one moment believe that SeaWorld is a completely innocent party; it is a business that has to make a profit, just like any other. But I refuse to base my opinions on yellow journalism. I will wait for facts, and base my opinion on them after some thought.  It's sad that more people don't do that, but instead let themselves be bamboozled.

There's a sucker born every minute. And the producers of Blackfish counted on it.

Sharks Without The 'Nado

Yes, we finally went to SeaWorld.  But Zane came home from school one day and told us that he wanted to see Shamu, and guilted us about it.  All his friends had been there already!  We had avoided it for as long as we could.  It's clear on the other side of San Antonio, for one.  We also weren't sure how Zane would do in what is essentially a very large amusement park.   We were concerned about the price tag--two adults and a child is a big chunk of cash, not including parking and food and other amenities.  Then I found out that those of us who live in Texas and have teaching certificates are eligible for free season passes.  It was hard to argue with that, and we thereupon cheerfully made our way to the gates of SeaWorld. 

We waited to pet a dolphin...and waited...and waited...

The dolphins were having none of that.  Dolphins can be quite persnickety. Hanging out and waiting for them to favor us with some attention reminded me of high school.  They are rather cliquish, apparently.  Zane just wasn't cool enough for the dolphins.  Getting snubbed by a dolphin is hardcore; it almost derailed the entire visit for Zane. So we hightailed it to the nearest building, which happened to house some fake coral reefs...

And some sharks.  No Great Whites, Bulls or Tiger sharks, thankfully,  The Black Tip Sharks were plenty scary. 

A sign had been posted regarding a feeding, and we decided to stay to see what would happen.  I admit that I was wondering how they planned to feed the sharks, but it was easy to see that diving was the easiest way to feed the fish in an adjoining tank.  One lady did the diving, while the other marine biologist spoke about what kind of fish were in the tank, how much water was in the tank, and what sort of diet kept the fish in good working order. 

After the feeding, the marine biologist remained to answer any questions, which was right up Zane's alley. He immediately ran right up and asked about the fish that looked like unicorns(named...Unicorn fish. Der.)  Then he asked about the sharks, specifically the shark with the spots, known as the fearsome Zebra shark. Because of the spots.  Zane just kept chatting, and finally, Destinee invited him to help her feed the sharks. 

Larry and I both felt our hearts stop as we contemplated our rambunctiously cheerful child running amok behind the scenes, the movie Sharknado still fresh in our psyches.  Then Destinee said the magic words; she told us that we could come along.  Whew!  Zane got to touch some shark skin, and look at some bones.  Destinee explained everything to him as if Larry and I weren't there, and my son loved it.  Zane then put on a glove and grabbed some fish heads and threw them right into the water like a pro.  And since hanging around with sharks is not like high school, the sharks were more than happy to come and see what was going on at the surface.

Hi there!  Let's hang out!

A fun time was had by all, sharks included.  The dolphin snubbing was forgotten.  Thank you, SeaWorld!

Randomly Saved

Last week, I received a letter in the mail.  Someone had underlined a bunch of words with red, specifically so I would notice this letter.  At first I thought that I had run afoul of a bill collector, and the red ink was indicative of how irritated they were with me, but then I actually read the envelope.

Not what I was expecting, but okay.  I opened the letter.  I read the letter.  I read the letter again.  The gist was that I was supposed to take a helpfully provided picture of Jesus and place it where I thought I needed the most help.  (In an effort to be compliant, I placed the picture directly over the dishes in my sink.  They needed more help than I did.)   After a short period of time, I was supposed to take the picture of Jesus and mail it back to the church along with a short checklist, so they could pray for me.  An envelope was helpfully provided for me.

As I sat there and stared at this letter, with the envelopes and picture of Jesus, I was struck by how very similar this all was to the old time chain letters we used to get in the mail.  Although they did not specifically ask for money,  there was a distinct "chain letter" flavor to the entire enterprise.  But how could I be so cynical?  I felt guilty that these kind people sought me out specifically to pray for me, all out of the goodness of their hearts.  And then I saw the exact same letter sitting on the table at my mom's house.  So much for that!

Zane has a diet plan.  He made it up all by himself, and I have no idea why or where.  But he told his father that Larry could have whatever he wanted, but only 20 bites.  20 bites is plenty, Zane says.  He wasn't specific as to the size of the bites, only the number.   The kid may be onto something--the pundits are always talking about portion size.  Surely 20 bites is smaller than what most of us eat.  Maybe knowing that we only had 20 bites would cause us to savor those bites, chewing slowly and thoughtfully?  

I've been using my Kindle Fire to watch old episodes of Ren and Stimpy.  That show came on during my college years and was required viewing.  I loved Stimpy--such a good hearted cat!  Ren, the chihuahua, was not so nice, but it was obvious that he loved Stimpy.  Looking at it now, I can say that the show is outright weird, but it works. 

We got some rain yesterday, with more on the way this week.  For once, our entire household has been rejoicing.  As a summer project, my husband has been working on the fields where my son will be playing soccer, trying to get them ready for the fall.  So far he's installed a watering system and thrown down a ton of dirt and mulch and seed. Larry has also found sponsors to donate some of the supplies, which no one else thought to do.  A few people have been out there helping, but Larry's done a great deal of work by himself, just to make sure that it gets finished.  When everything is done, there will be three full-sized soccer fields all greened up and ready for play.  I am very proud of him.  So many 'volunteers' these days do more standing around than actual work, so I feel the need to be extra thankful for the ones who are actually busting their butts to be helpful.  Like my friend Andrea over at Maybe It's Just Me--she helps out others by cooking meals for Meals on Wheels.  And I'll bet she never sneaks off with any of the cookies!

Now that I've got my new job, I'm finishing up the old one, and as part of that, I have to clear out my desk. I'm dreading that part; it's been a long time since I've gone through my desk.  I might find odd treasures, like Jimmy Hoffa, but more likely I'll find junk that I should have tossed out a long time ago.  Maybe I'll just pull out drawers and toss the contents into the trash can.  That seems to be the most efficient course of action. Maybe there's other parts of my life where that might apply?

We are heading for SeaWorld to check out the critters.  Hopefully Shamu is in an entertaining mood.  I'm still debating whether or not to just wear my swimsuit, because odds are good that we are going to be sitting in at least one splash zone.  This will be Zane's first visit to SeaWorld, and I look forward to seeing what he thinks of all this. That right there will be worth the cost of admission. I hope everyone has a great day!

Go visit Stacy, she's uncorked today!