Being a father requires strength, selflessness and sacrifice. It requires the strength to turn off that football game, even when it's the playoffs, to go and read a bedtime story. It requires the selflessness to buy a toy that your child will enjoy instead of the video game you've been wanting to buy for months. And it requires the sacrifice of never being able to have spontaneous sex in your own house for many years. It is just a fact of life that not everyone is meant to be a father.
Oh, we are all biologically programmed to want to pass on our genes, but
that doesn't mean that you automatically get the 'parent' gene. Just
because a man fathers a child doesn't mean that he has the capacity to
be an actual dad.
----
Larry exhibits extraordinary patience with our son. I am not a patient person. It's something that I will always be working to improve, but I'm definitely not there yet. I am a 'get to the point' person, and children often take many detours to get to their point. I don't like to repeat myself, and repetition is really the heart of all conversations with young children. So I become frustrated easily. Not my husband. He will patiently explain, then re-explain three or four more times, what he is trying to say to our son. He will sit patiently, listening to Zane tell a story, even if that story lasts longer than twenty minutes and he repeats the same sentence fourteen times. I admire this, and I aspire to have the same patience.
----
Zane wanted to play soccer, so my relatively sedentary husband became involved in soccer, and is going to be pursuing his coaching license, just so he can make sure that his son's sports experience is as positive as possible. My husband doesn't handle the heat very well since his chemo, and he gets very sweaty, but he is out there, kicking the ball around and cheering for his son. Not many dads would do that for their kid.
----
They built the Lego Millenium Falcon together, with Larry pointing out where some pieces went and Zane pushing them together. It was a genuine father-son effort, but it was definitely a father moment when they finished, and Zane decided that he wanted to actually "play" with the ship instead of just looking at it. My husband is a geek, and geeks put things like Legos together so that item can be placed on display and admired by other geeks. They don't actually "play" with said items! Yet Larry did the fatherly thing and let Zane take the Millenium Falcon out for a spin, knowing that four-year-old boys tend to drop toys, and knowing that Legos don't tend to stay put together under that sort of stress. Not many dads could do this. I am sure that he winced and cringed every single time Han Solo's ship came crashing unceremoniously to the carpet, but he never said a word.
----
The NICU nurses allowed Larry to take a picture of our son before they
whisked him off, he told me, but they had their jobs to do. Later,
after I had been stabilized and settled into my own ICU bed, Larry went
to see our son, in his little incubator. My husband told me that Zane's little hand had grabbed one of his fingers.
Zane had opened his eyes and looked right at his father. That look,
however brief, had a profound impact on Larry. It was in that moment
that Larry became a dad, when he realized what being a dad was going to be, when he embraced that ideal with both hands. He's never looked back.
Showing posts with label Father's Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Father's Day. Show all posts
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Mamakat: Father's Day Loot.
Mamakat's Pretty Much World Famous Prompt: 3.) List 10 things you’d would love to give your husband or Dad for Father’s Day. I combined a couple:
1. A freshly mown lawn. If we could afford it, I would gift my husband a lawn services to take care of this chore. My husband hates to mow the lawn as much as I hate to do dishes. And yet the grass must be mowed, particularly when tall grass can hide...snakes. So Larry is out there, a black cloud of mosquitoes flowing around him, pushing the lawn mower through tall grass, hypervigilantly watching for snakes. He knows that if he sees a snake, I am to be summoned; I am the snake whisperer in the house. Larry is the cockroach stomper. The division of labor was necessary to avoid conflict.
2. A whirlpool tub We have a whirlpool bathtub, but the motor broke, so now it is just a bathtub. Before it broke, Larry was in there at least once a week. He'd have a book, and his drink, sitting next to the tub on a little stool. He would be in there until he was all pruney, but he loved it, and it seemed to relax him. I have plans to get the motor fixed so my husband can once again relax, but I don't know when that will be. Perhaps when I finish washing dishes...
3. A brisket We are carnivores in this family, and we like our brisket. We just can't afford to have it very often. A nice, slow cooked brisket will serve us several meals, both lunch and dinner. Larry likes to roll his brisket into a tortilla, and that does sound kind of naughty, but it is not. It is, however, quite yummy.
4. A recliner A recliner is a must have for any good father, so that he can lounge around in front of the television at the end of the day. Perhaps Larry would fall asleep in that recliner, or at least doze off. Then his son can jump off the sofa and land on his father's abdomen, to remind Larry of what is really important: moving the couch further away from the recliner.
5. A family trip to Disney in Florida. But not just Disney. We would have to shell out the cash to see all the other attractions around there too, including Legoland. It would be totally worth it to see Zane's face when he sees his characters walking about. Larry loves going on roller coasters and the thrill rides, and Zane and I would watch.
6. A new laptop Larry's laptop has seen better days. It's survived a great many drops, and it's been to Alaska and back. But it is six years old, and not going to be around much longer. So Larry will search far and wide to find a sensible laptop that will do all the things that he wants it to do. Except what he REALLY wants is this:
7/8. Tickets/backstage passes to see Iron Maiden/Rush My husband is a hardcore Iron Maiden fan, and by 'hardcore' I mean that he has everything short of a tattoo of these guys. He knows all of their albums in all of their incarnations, and will recite them on command. I sometimes secretly swear that if I hear "Up the Irons!" one more time, someone's head will get a 'reboot'.
I will never understand it, but my husband's behavior at an Iron Maiden concert has been described as very similar to the behavior of fans at the first Beatles concert in the United States. I can't picture my husband screaming his head off until he fainted, so maybe that didn't happen. Maybe. When Larry is not going on and on about Iron Maiden, he goes on and on about Rush and how great they are, but with much less screaming and gesticulating.
9. Guitar lessons from Eddie Van Halen Larry was teaching himself how to play the guitar, but he's been slacking lately. He needs to get back in the groove, and who better to inspire excessive drinking and awesome guitar playing than the master? Since the tour is on hiatus, those guys aren't busy, and maybe Eddie could use some extra money.
10. A trip to New Zealand to hang out with Peter Jackson My husband is a huge fan of Tolkien. He has become a huge fan of Peter Jackson as a result. If he could have been there on the Pellinor Fields, killing orcs, Larry would have gladly gone down under the hoof of an ellyphat. If he were able to be on the set of The Hobbitt, Larry would completely lose his mind. He would be as excited as a little child at Christmas, every set a page come to life. He would talk Peter Jackson's ear off until a restraining order sent him back home. But he would have a blast.
1. A freshly mown lawn. If we could afford it, I would gift my husband a lawn services to take care of this chore. My husband hates to mow the lawn as much as I hate to do dishes. And yet the grass must be mowed, particularly when tall grass can hide...snakes. So Larry is out there, a black cloud of mosquitoes flowing around him, pushing the lawn mower through tall grass, hypervigilantly watching for snakes. He knows that if he sees a snake, I am to be summoned; I am the snake whisperer in the house. Larry is the cockroach stomper. The division of labor was necessary to avoid conflict.
2. A whirlpool tub We have a whirlpool bathtub, but the motor broke, so now it is just a bathtub. Before it broke, Larry was in there at least once a week. He'd have a book, and his drink, sitting next to the tub on a little stool. He would be in there until he was all pruney, but he loved it, and it seemed to relax him. I have plans to get the motor fixed so my husband can once again relax, but I don't know when that will be. Perhaps when I finish washing dishes...
3. A brisket We are carnivores in this family, and we like our brisket. We just can't afford to have it very often. A nice, slow cooked brisket will serve us several meals, both lunch and dinner. Larry likes to roll his brisket into a tortilla, and that does sound kind of naughty, but it is not. It is, however, quite yummy.
4. A recliner A recliner is a must have for any good father, so that he can lounge around in front of the television at the end of the day. Perhaps Larry would fall asleep in that recliner, or at least doze off. Then his son can jump off the sofa and land on his father's abdomen, to remind Larry of what is really important: moving the couch further away from the recliner.
5. A family trip to Disney in Florida. But not just Disney. We would have to shell out the cash to see all the other attractions around there too, including Legoland. It would be totally worth it to see Zane's face when he sees his characters walking about. Larry loves going on roller coasters and the thrill rides, and Zane and I would watch.
6. A new laptop Larry's laptop has seen better days. It's survived a great many drops, and it's been to Alaska and back. But it is six years old, and not going to be around much longer. So Larry will search far and wide to find a sensible laptop that will do all the things that he wants it to do. Except what he REALLY wants is this:
7/8. Tickets/backstage passes to see Iron Maiden/Rush My husband is a hardcore Iron Maiden fan, and by 'hardcore' I mean that he has everything short of a tattoo of these guys. He knows all of their albums in all of their incarnations, and will recite them on command. I sometimes secretly swear that if I hear "Up the Irons!" one more time, someone's head will get a 'reboot'.
I will never understand it, but my husband's behavior at an Iron Maiden concert has been described as very similar to the behavior of fans at the first Beatles concert in the United States. I can't picture my husband screaming his head off until he fainted, so maybe that didn't happen. Maybe. When Larry is not going on and on about Iron Maiden, he goes on and on about Rush and how great they are, but with much less screaming and gesticulating.
9. Guitar lessons from Eddie Van Halen Larry was teaching himself how to play the guitar, but he's been slacking lately. He needs to get back in the groove, and who better to inspire excessive drinking and awesome guitar playing than the master? Since the tour is on hiatus, those guys aren't busy, and maybe Eddie could use some extra money.
10. A trip to New Zealand to hang out with Peter Jackson My husband is a huge fan of Tolkien. He has become a huge fan of Peter Jackson as a result. If he could have been there on the Pellinor Fields, killing orcs, Larry would have gladly gone down under the hoof of an ellyphat. If he were able to be on the set of The Hobbitt, Larry would completely lose his mind. He would be as excited as a little child at Christmas, every set a page come to life. He would talk Peter Jackson's ear off until a restraining order sent him back home. But he would have a blast.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day!
Ever since my son was an itty-bitty, his father has been reading to him about heroes and their adventures. Larry sat next to Zane's bed, with a book opened, and a tiny book light. From downstairs, I could hear his deep voice, ebbing and flowing with the words to The Hobbit, until Zane fell asleep.
Then came the day that Zane began responding to Larry while he read, asking questions about Gandalf and Bilbo and Smaug.
And night after night, as I listened to them sharing their special time together, my thoughts turned to what makes a hero, and what makes a dad.
Heroes don't always have to wear tights, or carry a gun, or run into burning buildings.
Sometimes, a hero can be a man who spent the night with his newborn in the NICU because his wife was unable to leave ICU.
A hero can sometimes be a man who stops what he is doing, no matter how important it might be, to read a book to his son.
A man who cares enough about his child to show him how to type his name on the computer, even if that child accidentally deletes several hours of work, can be a hero.
A hero can be the man who listens to his child ask the same question over and over, and answers that question calmly, over and over.
A hero can be a man who goes outside with his son to ride a bike, even though his back is hurting from working all day.
A hero could be a man who stays up all night putting together a train table so Santa can get all the credit.
A hero can be the man who takes his boy to the pool to swim, even though he knows he's going to get very sunburned(even with sunscreen!).
A hero can be a man who takes the time to pronounce words very carefully, so that his child can learn them.
To Zane, his father is his hero. That is how it should be.
Happy Father's Day to the man I love, who is also my hero.
Then came the day that Zane began responding to Larry while he read, asking questions about Gandalf and Bilbo and Smaug.
And night after night, as I listened to them sharing their special time together, my thoughts turned to what makes a hero, and what makes a dad.
Heroes don't always have to wear tights, or carry a gun, or run into burning buildings.
Sometimes, a hero can be a man who spent the night with his newborn in the NICU because his wife was unable to leave ICU.
A hero can sometimes be a man who stops what he is doing, no matter how important it might be, to read a book to his son.
A man who cares enough about his child to show him how to type his name on the computer, even if that child accidentally deletes several hours of work, can be a hero.
A hero can be the man who listens to his child ask the same question over and over, and answers that question calmly, over and over.
A hero can be a man who goes outside with his son to ride a bike, even though his back is hurting from working all day.
A hero could be a man who stays up all night putting together a train table so Santa can get all the credit.
A hero can be the man who takes his boy to the pool to swim, even though he knows he's going to get very sunburned(even with sunscreen!).
A hero can be a man who takes the time to pronounce words very carefully, so that his child can learn them.
To Zane, his father is his hero. That is how it should be.
Happy Father's Day to the man I love, who is also my hero.
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