The other day, as I was sitting in my office writing a report, I glanced at my calendar, and had a minor panic attack. It was 3:25, and I was supposed to be at my oncologist's office by 3:30. I had forgotten all about my appointment! As I dropped everything and raced over there, I thought about how, for the last two years, doctor's appointments were pretty much all I thought about. They were written in red pen on my calendar, and circled, and highlighted, months in advance. There was a list, in my head, as well:
Chemically induced menopause? Check.
Random Spaz-out? Double check.
I arrived at the oncologist's office with the realization that I was now more focused on being healthy than on my illnesses. It seemed as though all I ever thought about, for ages, was doctor appointments, surgery appointments. Anxiety about surgeries. Anxiety about chemotherapy. Anxiety about surgical recovery. Anxiety about just about everything medical that a person can think of.
After two years, I am feeling healthy enough that I remembered more about my son's soccer practices than which doctor I needed to see and when. With a reference to Ferris Bueller, such a momentous change in perspective, and I almost missed it. But that's pretty darn wonderful, isn't it? I'd rather be focused on what's happening around me than doctor's appointments.