Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Getting Used To Not Having Cancer

The other day, as I was sitting in my office writing a report, I glanced at my calendar, and had a minor panic attack.  It was 3:25, and I was supposed to be at my oncologist's office by 3:30.  I had forgotten all about my appointment!  As I dropped everything and raced over there, I thought about how, for the last two years, doctor's appointments were pretty much all I thought about.  They were written in red pen on my calendar, and circled, and highlighted, months in advance.  There was a list, in my head, as well:

Surgery?  Check.
Chemotherapy?  Check.
Radiation? Check.
Reconstruction? Check.
Chemically induced menopause?  Check.
Random Spaz-out?  Double check.

I arrived at the oncologist's office with the realization that I was now more focused on being healthy than on my illnesses. It seemed as though all I ever thought about, for ages, was doctor appointments, surgery appointments.  Anxiety about surgeries.  Anxiety about chemotherapy.  Anxiety about surgical recovery.  Anxiety about just about everything medical that a person can think of.

After two years, I am feeling healthy enough that I remembered more about my son's soccer practices than which doctor I needed to see and when.  With a reference to Ferris Bueller, such a momentous change in perspective, and I almost missed it.  But that's pretty darn wonderful, isn't it?  I'd rather be focused on what's happening around me than doctor's appointments. 

Who wouldn't?


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