During chemotherapy last year, I did not want to eat very much. For one thing, I felt nauseated all the time. For another, I had sores in my mouth and throat that hurt all the time. And everything tasted like paper, anyway, so what was the point? The best thing about getting through chemo for me was all about getting to eat again.
The day I could finally taste peaches was a red letter day. Other foods followed.
It's been a year since I started chemo, and my taste buds are in fine form. And my appetite? That came back with a vengeance. I went from eating nothing but soup and nutrition shakes to pretty much shoving everything into my mouth. I've been trying to eat healthy foods, like salads, but I'm not always successful.
Last Friday I ate breakfast at my home. A nice big bowl of oatmeal. Healthy, filling oatmeal. I also packed my lunch of a healthy salad. Then I got in my car and drove to work. On my way, I remembered that Dunkin' Donuts had just opened up a shop right down the street. That got me thinking that I hadn't had donuts in a long time.
I decided to stop in and purchase a dozen to share with the special education teachers at my campus, because they work hard and I wanted to be nice. While at Dunkin' Donuts, I also purchased a couple of donuts for myself, along with a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. I arrived at work, dropped off the donuts to the admiration of my coworkers, and went to my office. I polished off the sandwich and the donuts while reading email and reports.
I was still hungry.
I opened my snack drawer. You know what I'm talking about--every desk should have a snack drawer! My snack drawer has pretzels, granola bars, etc., just in case I get the hungries and can't stop for lunch. I ate a bag of pretzels, then a granola bar. I looked at the clock. It was 9:30. I looked at my lunch box, sitting there on my desk. I looked at the heavens, and then at my stomach.
My belly just placidly stared back at me. Bellies do that. Oh for heaven's sake, I told myself, as I opened my lunch box and dove into the salad. And finished it in short order. I stared at the empty bowl. I'm still hungry. I yell at myself for a minute or two. It wasn't about the weight I might gain, but I was trying to stay healthy. Fer cryin' out loud, I tell myself. You've eaten a bazillion calories already! How can you STILL be hungry?
I had to go out and get another lunch. And I also had dinner. I finally just gave into my hungries. I figured that my stomach was making up for lost time. We all fall down in our goals sometimes. My healthy habits took a day off, and I could beat myself up about it, or I could try to do better tomorrow.
So I did.