We haven't even put up the tree.
And of course I'm worried about money. Cancer doesn't just eat up parts of your life and leave. It also hits you in the bank account. I have good health insurance, but there are still co-pays and deductibles and I don't even know what else yet, because I'm still getting bills in the mail. I even got a bill from the robot assistant that did my hysterectomy. And I've still got at least two more surgeries coming up in 2016. I'm not a person who normally worries about money, so this is a new experience. All the "what ifs" pile on top of me, and it gets difficult to breathe.
So I've been down, and of course I've wanted to write about being down. When I've sat down in front of the screen to type, however, no words were there. I finally gave up and decided to let everything stew for a bit, which is why I haven't been around lately. I just needed a break to reboot.
And then some of my friends started a Go Fund Me page, which made me cry, because I'm not used to people doing nice things for me. Everyone has been so wonderful during this whole ordeal, sending me encouragement, hugs, and even chocolate. Living in the moment sometimes means pulling yourself out of the darkness. Sometimes I get so focused on being sad that I miss some good things, but my friends gave me a boost this time. I know I'll be my usual happy self very soon.
And I am grateful.