November is a month where people are usually anticipating the holidays. Or dreading the holidays, depending on your general outlook on life. I tend to anticipate parts and dread others, because I don't want anyone to feel left out.
For example, I very much anticipate the food. Who doesn't? I get excited about corn casserole made with real butter, and ham. Even the thought of mashed potatoes, with melted butter and brown gravy gets me salivating. Even if I don't actually eat any of that food, I still get excited about it. Last year I ended up eating very little, because I spent the three days before Thanksgiving in the hospital and Thanksgiving day at home, recovering from being in the hospital. But I still anticipated the taste of all those wonderful foods, the smells of the holidays.
Oh, and I ate an entire pumpkin pie. Not all at once, of course. It took me a couple of days, but that's what I wanted to eat, so I gave in and did just that. Getting cancer tends to make a person want to just give in to all sorts of urges, whether they are smart choices or not. Many folks decide to jump out of perfectly good airplanes when they get cancer; I ate an entire pumpkin pie.
At the same time that I anticipate the holidays, I dread them. I'm not good with large groups of people, in noisy settings, where 47 different conversations are happening and I'm supposed to be attentive to everyone. I also tend to get depressed in December, when everyone is expecting me to be all cheerful and enthusiastic. It's too much pressure, and I find myself becoming surly and uncommunicative. My husband ends up irritated with me. He has a picture in his head of what everyone is supposed to be like during the holidays, and I never have fit that picture. I never will, and I accept that.
Anyway, I decided that I will try this NoMo Challenge. I will try to write a blog post every day. It is something different, even if it is not as tasty as pumpkin pie. And perhaps letting my creative flag fly will interrupt my usual feelings of anticipation and dread. Maybe this year I will find myself giddy with happiness and full of good cheer, with not a sign of depression?
Probably not. But I won't know unless I try.