Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Random Cancer Thoughts

My eyebrows are falling out.  I'm a bit concerned, because my eyebrows give me a facial expression.  What am I supposed to do when I want to look disdainful, or surprised, or whatever?  Around these parts, a lot of women just draw their eyebrows on. That's a big commitment on a daily basis.  What if I decide to go with the Spock brows, then find myself in a situation that calls for Surprised Clown? Do I tell people to wait while I run to the restroom and draw on a new expression?  It's a dilemma. 

My immunity is down due to the chemo.  This means that all of the immunity to the pollens in my neck of the woods is gone.  And it's as if the spring trees around here know this.  It's as if they are celebrating.  Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful, the trees.  Trees that I didn't even know could flower are covered in explosions of yellow and pink and white right now, and it is glorious.  But my allergies are going nuts, and I want to break out a chainsaw.

I bought a new bra with a pocket for my fake boob.  I guess that I've lost a little weight or something, because that fake boob would just not sit still on my chest.  I'd find it up next to my ear, or over on the other side of my chest getting chummy with my real boob.  As I was in meetings all that day, I could not merely move said fake boob to its proper location without drawing attention to my chest.  I had to be sneaky about it, pretending to pull my shirt down or stretching while yanking on my bra from behind.  I didn't even know I could do that. 

Since I obviously have cancer, random people are approaching me, which has been a new experience for me.  Some hug me. Some tell me that they will pray for me.  Others tell me that they've been through cancer.  Still others tell me that they or a loved one have just been diagnosed.  It's as if the imaginary wall that I'd built around myself over the years fell down.  Those who used to keep their distance are now stepping right up.  Oddly, I don't mind.  In small doses.  My introverted self couldn't take a huggy crowd for very long.

I'm experimenting with spring hats these days.  I found a lovely straw fedora at the dollar store that I think suits me quite well.  I do not want to get a sunburn on my currently bald head; I cannot even imagine the pain of that kind of a burn.  I tried a scarf, but I felt as though I looked too Pirate.  I could go along with saying "ARRGH!" and "Ahoy Mateys!", but I don't think that I could drive with an eye patch. 

Since my head sometimes gets hot, I take off my hats when I'm by myself.  And of course I sometimes forget that I don't have my hat on.  Adults pretend not to notice, but kids just stop and stare.  They're not being mean, they're just curious.  My son asked me to show his friends at school my bald head.  When I took off my hat, the boys gathered round. 

"Cool!"  was the consensus.  It wasn't what I expected, but kids surprise me every day. 


  1. So you can be cool twice in a lifetime?

    I always looked like a Russian refugee in a scarf. I had wondered how your introverted self would deal with all this. I try to comment on every blog I read. I mean that is part of the social media equation. Sort of my Killroy was here bit. It took me a bit to handle comments on my own blog. There is that shyness about they are talking to you bit.

    Thanks for sharing about your life.

  2. Are you taking requests? How about the Bo Derek "10" look? I am sorry...kinda...all the wandering boob talk made me punchy.

  3. I don't mean to be insensitive but the "wandering boob" cracked me up! xoxo

    1. It cracked me up, too, Caren. That sort of thing is supposed to happen on sitcoms!

  4. Your comment on spring hats made me conjurer up an image of a top hat with the top opening up and a jack-in-the-box coming out. That would definitely distract from bald head and eyebrows. :)

  5. I have one blue and one black eye, which because I wear glasses isn't immediately noticeable. One day I was in a public swimming pool (sans glasses) and this little kid pointed out (because I can't have known!!!) the difference in my eyes. So I told him it was because I was an alien. That was cool too!!!!


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