The best day of Carly Joe Patterson's life began when a piece of oil rigging fell on her lying cheater of a husband. Carly was in the kitchen nursing her latest black eye with a flank steak when the oil company foreman knocked on the trailer door. Thinking the visitor was her neighbor Elly Jane, who regularly visited for coffee and gossip, she didn't even bother to put on her robe. She just hollered for her visitor to come on in and set.
Carly, dressed in her black silk unmentionables, turned around with the coffee pot and froze. The most gorgeous man she had ever seen was standing in her doorway, white cowboy hat in hand. His brilliant blue eyes held her in place while her mouth caught flies. The flank steak slid down her cheek to land on her chest. The cold finally brought her to her senses. This man obviously wasn't here to sweep her off her feet.
"Y'all a bill collector?" She asked as she put down the coffee and grabbed her robe off the chair. "Because we ain't got any cash around. Won't get paid until this well comes in, neither."
"No, ma'am, not a bill collector," Jackson Coltrane coughed discreetly. "Are you Carly Joe Patterson?"
"I am, but not for long." Carly nodded her head in the direction of the suitcase on the couch. "He said he'd kill me next time he saw me. What can I do for you, Mister?"
"There's been an accident up at the well," Jackson began. "I regret to--
"That pansy-ass bastard is dead?" Carly interrupted.
"--say that your husband did not survive the accident," Jackson finished. He waited to see if his news lead to female hysterics.
Carly was struggling to keep her smile to herself. She was free. An angel of a man had come down from heaven to free her with his words.
Now she could sell the trailer, load up the Mustang, and leave town for good.
The prompt is to use be postpositive and use the third definition of the word ASS. Really. I never lie about postpositives.