This weekend, we want you to give us a thirty-three response using the word stone as one of your thirty-three words. You can use any definition of the word that you'd like, but we are specifically looking for serious, well-conceived entries. This isn't the weekend for light-hearted posts about the difficulty of posting before the linkz close, and we are not looking for hilarious commentary about your cats (THIS time). We want something serious and deep from you guys this weekend, because the sun is starting to shine a bit more, and we think we can handle it now. Take your time with it and give us your very best work.
Any and all constructive criticism is appreciated and will be treasured as a rare gem.
The joyous love
Of her smile
Extinguished.
Gone forever.
The burden
Of her loss
A cold chain
Wrapped around
His guilty soul
Like a stone.
Thrown headlong
Into
The murky darkness,
He sank.
So fabulously moody and atmospheric ... you are SOOOOO talented!
ReplyDeleteThis was very dark...you've got the serious down pat!
ReplyDeleteSo much left unsaid, yet so much simultaneously being shared. That third line, the single word "Extinguished", packed such an unexpected punch. Well done.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! So dark and sad. Great use of the prompt!
ReplyDeleteThis is very moody and dark, Depression is something I am familiar with in my family, you captured the feeling very well.
ReplyDeleteI could feel him sinking. You do good dark.
ReplyDelete"The burden
ReplyDeleteOf her loss
A cold chain
Wrapped around
His guilty soul
Like a stone."
What awesome lines!Yes,loss is definitely like cold chains binding our hearts & guilt so like a stone,weighing us down.A difficult job to escape from the clutches of depression after losing someone special-you expressed it perfectly:-)
well depicted analogy
ReplyDeleteI actually read this as more than an analogy - I pictured him throwing himself into the river after killing her. Maybe I watch too many crime shows...
ReplyDeleteI was intrigued by the phrase guilty soul... like Christine I thought of a crime and the depression and guilt that follows that. Chilling. Nice writing.
ReplyDeleteWe have been asked to write 'seriously' you have captured the prompt and ran with it, well written.
ReplyDeleteWow. As the others have said, you do dark well. This is great. In terms of concrit (and I love the analogy to a rare gem), I would say that you could easily drop "Gone forever". We get that already from "extinguished," and with such a tight word limit, every word counts times ten. Nitpicking. I loved it.
ReplyDeleteI like this piece! It's interesting to read more from the guilty party's point of view rather than someone reacting to an action on the party's part.
ReplyDeletewow! This is really good.
ReplyDeleteIs it okay that I'm glad he sank? In murky darkness?
ReplyDeleteOoo... love this:
ReplyDeleteA cold chain
Wrapped around
His guilty soul
So haunting and evoking!!
:)
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