Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Another Fine Mess

 Let's try this again this week.  And let me say that this is fiction.  I have to say this because otherwise my mother thinks that I'm serious, and I don't want that particular can opened.  


Laura and I stared at the body, the sickly yellow glow from a naked bulb illuminating our sudden predicament.  I really shouldn't have hit the drug dealer in the head with my purse.  I  felt that a hundred dollars for a bag of weed was overkill, while the drug dealer thought that we were just a couple of naive college girls trying to be cool. He got uppity. I whacked him with my purse to teach him some manners, and he fell over dead.

"Geez!" Laura leaned over the body and gingerly pushed at a shoulder with her shoe.  We studied the misshapen head, the blonde hair matted with blood.  "What the hell do you carry in that purse--bricks?"

"Just the one," I was defensive, looking around.  I'd never killed anyone before. "And you're the damn hippie who wanted to buy some pot!"

"For the last time, it's for my glaucoma!"  My long suffering friend hissed, scanning the deserted street.   She sighed loudly, and appeared to be mumbling a prayer to the heavens.  Then she eyed me speculatively.

"So what do you want to do with the body?" 

I looked up.

"Bury it?"

"Are you crazy?  Digging a grave is a bitch, not to mention what it does to good manicures."  She looked at her nails.  "Besides, we aren't exactly dressed for manual labor." 

This was true.  We had planned a night out dancing, and had dressed accordingly.  My black pencil skirt would definitely not survive a night digging a grave.  We visually inspected the area around us.  We both reached the conclusion that this guy would not fit into any of the small metal trash cans, but seeing black trash bags sitting next to the cans gave me an idea.

"Let's cut him up," I said, proud of myself.  "They'll never find all of him."

Laura stared at me.

"Do you carry around a knife and trash bags in that purse?"

"NO, but I do carry an axe."




The prompt is the third definition of the word bitch.



The prompt is a quote from Groucho Marx: "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out.  A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"

47 comments:

  1. An alternative quote is "A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body!"
    I love how prepared this woman is. Ready for anything.

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    1. As a mom, I have pretty much everything in my purse these days!

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  2. Wow. Nice job! I'd love to see what they come up with next.

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    1. Me too. I hope I get to visit them again soon!

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  3. I love that you have to use the disclaimer for your mother. :)

    And why have you been looking in my purse? (minus the pot of course)

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    1. You're a mom--ready for anything, as long as you have your purse!

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  4. This is funny! You got the banter of the two women just right. I can see them standing there with their hand on their hips with a dead guy sprawled between them. Liked the Groucho Quote.

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  5. The boy scouts could learn a thing or two here! I love that she had an axe in her purse-that's what I call being prepared. I'd also offer to help cut the body up, but I'm not really dressed for it either.

    Great little story, and great pair of friends! I wish them lots of luck with their situation...

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  6. This was a really light and funny read despite all the killing and mayhem! A brick and an Ax, no wonder the drug dealer's head caved in. I loved the idea of a budding serial killer friendship.

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  7. Hilarious. I love it that you had to tell us it was fiction in case your mother thought otherwise. That makes it even funnier. No but I carry an axe. So funny.

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  8. It's that first little step that's the bitch, then it's all smooth sailing. Especially when you stock your purse so well. Very funny!

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    1. I am glad that I could make you laugh!

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  9. Yes! Brilliant!

    I've a little concrit, for when/if you revisit (I think you should, I think it would be funny to see these two go through the motions only to discover later that the guy died of a faulty ticker or something like that, but I digress.)

    The following: "I really shouldn't have hit the drug dealer with my purse." carries a stronger impact than the staring does. I'd drop that first sentence and start with the second.

    Just food for thought.

    A well crafted scene with perfect comedic timing...Again, so brilliant!

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    1. You are right, it does make a stronger impact. Thank you for pointing that out--I appreciate the help!

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  10. Why carry a knife when you can carry an axe?! So funny! And glad you clarified it was fiction... ;) haha!

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    1. I wouldn't want my mother to get any ideas about my activities...

      Thank you for reading!

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  11. I love that they are worried about their nails! how great!

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  12. An axe. That is priceless! Good story. Hope your mom doesn't find out. ;-)

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    1. Me too! The less my mom knows about my activities, the better...

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  13. Oh my ... and axe and a brick? Do I want to know what else she carries around with her? What an interesting (and strangely comedic) night they have ahead of them! Visiting from WOE.

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    1. Thank you--I hope to visit them again soon.

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  14. Love it! An axe!
    I think I need to start putting some kind of disclaimer on my stuff too. Thanks for the idea!

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  15. Hahaha! LOVE the punchline!! Such a great ending because it's really only the beginning - but works perfectly as both!

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  16. I am now picturing a Mary Poppins-like bag, endless surprises. Axes and bricks and hopefully a little bit of bleach ;)
    ~Angela

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    1. I'm just hoping she remembered the trash bags!

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  17. "Digging a grave is a bitch, not to mention what it does to good manicures."Sure!Ha!ha!And carrying a brick & an axe in the purse!Must be a a real gym freak though wonder where she bought such a huge purse from,lol!This was hilarious-just the kind of story I love:-)

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  18. ha, this was quite a random read. i love how nonchalant she was about it all.

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    1. I'm sure that a little shock was involved.

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  19. lol, no wonder the dealer died on impact! That's a pretty impressive purse, right there. Very funny piece

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    1. I modeled that purse on my own bag, since it seems like I carry everything in there.

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  20. Hehe, I enjoyed how you just let yourself go there with the characters in their crazy ideas of how to deal with the situation :)

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  21. They seem like normal, smart, resourceful college girls (:

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    1. Of course they are. Those are the best kind!

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  22. Yowza! Yeah, I hope I don't get on *her* bad side!

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  23. Oh God. I don't even WANT to think about what she'd going to do with that ax.

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  24. Ha! Love it. And apologies for being a week late!

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