Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Don't Squeeze the Free Knives, Please!

I am a lazy shopper.  In fact, I'll just pop that stereotype that all women love shopping right now.  I hate shopping.  Okay, if nobody else was in the store and everything was in my size and just the right colors, I might like shopping.  But I intensely dislike crowds, I don't like the color orange, and I am constantly frustrated by the fact that, in a city where the AVERAGE woman is at least a size 20, all of the clothing racks are full of size...2.  So I would rather not shop at all.  If I ever win the lottery, I'm just going to hire a seamstress to come over and make my clothes.  Skip the middleman and help the local economy.  I'm a giver. (I'm also going to have someone come over and do my hair and makeup everyday, but that's for another blog post.) 

Source: via Erin on Pinterest

But we need groceries, and stuff like shampoo and soap, so I have to go shopping.  Like every lazy shopper, I head to Walmart, because it is less than a mile from my house. A couple of weeks ago, I was wandering the aisles, looking for salsa, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.  I sort of tuned it out at first, but my brain caught a word or two.

" surgical steel knife..."


I stopped in my tracks to be sure of what I was hearing. Walmart was giving away knives.  One per customer, must be over 18.  Form one line single file over in the bakery section, no shopping carts, please.  I'd heard them announcing free samples of food items before, but this was a first.  I didn't catch whether they were steak knife-type knives or Ginsu knives or machete-type knives.  But the idea that knives were being handed out at the local Walmart was stunning.

Were they doing background checks to make sure that the people receiving these knives were of sound mind?  Did a free steak come with these knives, so that you could test the knives for their cutting prowess?   Were the knives meant to cut aluminum cans before demonstrating that they could still julienne fries?  The knives were surgical steel, did that mean that they were for surgery of some sort?  I don't think that Walmart sells autoclaves for sterilizing surgical tools.  At least I hope not.

And what type of person wants just one knife? If it is a steak knife, it's supposed to come in a set, right?  I would feel sorry for a solitary steak knife, sitting in a drawer all alone.  Most knives seem to come in sets, at least the ones for kitchen use do.  I don't suppose that they sell Bowie knives in a set, but you never know. 

What is the weirdest thing that you've ever heard announced as a giveaway in a store? Share in the comments!

1 comment:

  1. That reaches well beyond any blue light special I've been privy to!


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